Corporate Lingo and what they really mean... !!!

I'm just back from the Bengali Association, Ulsoor. Had been there for the Kojagori Lakshmi puja... which commenced today and will culminate tomorrow. Incidentally, the term 'kojagori' literally means "who is awake" and devotees are not supposed to sleep. At the association, I prayed and then had the 'bhog'... i.e., the 'holy meal', which is the food offered to the deity. Infact, as a part of the rituals, food/fruits/flowers are first offered to the goddess [or the God(s), as the case may be]... as *'naivedhya', for the deity's blessing, and then distributed as the 'bhog' or the 'prasad'... among the devotees. After all, Lakshmiji ki kripa saabko chahiye... and I'm no exception!

The 'bhog' was delicious too... khichuri (khichdi) and cabbage curry... made of cabbage, potato, tomato, onion and green peas. Mind you, I said 'green peas' and not 'green peace'... ! *wink* Plus a sweet and sour chutney... made of tomato, pineapple and pomegranate. Yumm! And last but not the least... the 'rajbhog'. Yummy!!! For those of you who are not familiar with this particular sweet (I have an incredulous expression on my face... by the way) it is a much bigger version of the delectable 'rosogolla'... one of the most popular among Bengali sweets and made with fresh cottage cheese. The 'rosogolla' has won the hearts of millions in and outside Bengal and indeed India. The name "Rajbhog" roughly translates as, "the Maharaja's offerings to the Gods". The 'bhog' doubled up as my dinner as well... talk about killing two birds with one stone... !

Now, for some laughter... and these are really funny, folks! It is called: "Corporate Lingo and what they really mean." Those of us who are/have been part of the corporate world... will smirk, grin or have a sly smile... dancing on their lips, or may even smile wryly... or perhaps ruefully... while reading this. It may 'ring a bell' and even bring back certain "unforgettable" memories... you know, the usual "walk down nostalgia lane". After all nostalgia is priceless! For the uninitiated, the green horn, still wet-behind-the-ears types... it will be an eye opener. The 'wiser' ones will slowly nod their heads in agreement/affirmation though. Therefore, read on...

1. "Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

2. "Join Our Fast-Paced Team" - We have no time to train you.

3. "Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress well; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

4. "Must Be Deadline Oriented" - You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

5. "Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night and some time each weekend.

6. "Duties Will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.

7. "Must Have An Eye For Detail" - We have no quality control.

8. "Career-Minded" - Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

9. "Apply In Person" - If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

10. "No Phone Calls Please" - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

11. "Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety Of Experience" - You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

12. "Problem-Solving Skills A Must" - You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

13. "Requires Team Leadership Skills" - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

14. "Good Communication Skills" - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it!!

15. "Seeking Enthusiastic, Fun, Hard Working People" - who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.

16. "Join Our Dynamic Team" - We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.

17. "A Drug-Free Work Environment" - We booze it up at company parties.

18. "College Degree Preferred" - Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like Philosophy, English or Religion.

Enlightening... right... ?!! Let me end this post a little differently... and on a 'sweet' note too. Here is the recipe... for making delicious, melt-in-the-mouth 'rosogollas'... at home. Yes! At home... and here's the link. Here is yet another YouTube link... along with some history of this mouth-watering sweet. Enjoy this weekend... with this delicious dessert... !!!

Note:

Some info gathered, courtesy: Wikipedia.

Pronounced in Sanskrit as 'Naivedhyam'... it is not necessarily a food offering to God. It actually means 'offering to God' in the stricter sense of the word. It could be any offering, tangible or intangible. A resolution, a promise or even a willingness to do, perform or restrict oneself from certain things... can also be connoted as an offering to God. God, prayers and wishes are more of a belief and hence an offering to God is an extension of this belief. While... 'prasad' is actually what one gets from the God(s) after the completion of the puja/prayer.

Photographs:

Cartoons depicting funny scenarios from the corporate world... all in good humour! (Cartoons courtesy: Parimal Joshi and Manjul.)