Well, this is going to be... kinda continuation of my previous post, titled: "Corporate Lingo and what they really mean... !!!" You can read it here and have a good laugh! In this post... I'll give you the flipside of that earlier post... or the "tit for tat" response. This way the "deserving" employer(s) or such "prospective" employer(s) will have the "right" person in the "right" place at the "right" time... !!!
In the corporate world, it is usually... "My/Our way or the Highway". Yayaver has commented that, "Point of dissent is taken as disloyalty" and that "the more incompetent you are, more you rise in management." Chowlaji felt that... "The co promoters always say...You should always have some one to blame for your mistakes, that is why you have assistants." While Deepa has stated: "I like point no. 8 - you could also add - must be single and/or childless!" To refresh your memory, point number 8 was: "Career-Minded" - Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
To understand why it is so (in many cases, if not all of them... that is) you may want to take a look at one of my earlier posts, titled: "The Smart Boss, Special High Intensity Training (!) and other stories." Here is the link. It talks about "smart" bosses and "training". No Sir! Not "ordinary" training... but, "Special High Intensity Training"! And lastly, it elucidates about who is in charge and why... or rather why the "ass hole" is usually in charge. It also throws some light on a very "important" aspect, to be kept in mind (by all those who inhabit the corporate world)... and that is: In these days of cost cutting, leave office early.
Yet another of my earlier posts... may interest you. It's called: "Corporate Lessons!!!". You may read it HERE. There are four scenarios mentioned... that explain/highlight some simple yet crucial "corporate lessons". Lessons that every employee should keep in mind in order to be "successful" in the (big, bad) corporate world. This post also depicts the "transformation"... an employee undergoes while working in the same organisation for a long period!
The end result reminds one of the most famous Indian practitioner of the genre of "literary nonsense," the celebrated Bengali poet, story writer and playwright, Sukumar Ray's "Ramgorurer Chhana" from "Abol tabol" (his collection of bengali poems and rhymes - meant for children, but liked by people belonging to all age groups - and literally translated as "Gibberish" or "Weird and Random".) Sukumar Ray was the father of the legendary Indian filmmaker, fiction writer, publisher, illustrator, graphic designer and film critic... the peerless Satyajit Ray (also regarded as one of the greatest auteurs of 20th century cinema.) The Bengali readers were exposed to a new "nonsense" fantasy world by the poems in "Abol Tabol." This selection offers the best of Sukumar Ray's world of pun-riddled and fun-filled poetry. He was a pioneering Bengali writer of nonsense rhyme and children's literature, an illustrator and a critic. It is very difficult to translate his poems into any other language (including english) and simultaneously retain their flavour and pun... hence I'll not even try to attempt it. Here is the link that leads to some of the literary works of Sukumar Ray: http://barnamala.org/barnamala/2
A third post... written a while back... deals with corporate miscommunication and is hence aptly titled as: "Corporate (Mis)communication!!" The link is provided HERE.
Communication is defined as the process of transferring information from one source to another. However, a communication between the employer(s) and the employee(s)/subordinate(s) can give rise to a lot of "possibilities". One example is the Dilbert comics, which often illustrate strikingly the ways in which human communication fails, especially when related to hi tech. In particular, communication between Dilbert and his Pointy-Haired Boss is guaranteed to fail, since the boss has no idea of the content of the activities he "manages." My post illustrates the above point through a simple "example".
So, here are some more "corporate lingo" from the other side of the table! *wink* Read on... and enjoy!
1. "I'm Extremely Adept At All Manner Of Office Organisation" - I've used Microsoft Office.
2. "I'm Honest, Hard-Working and Dependable" - I pilfer office supplies.
3. "My Pertinent Work Experience Includes" - I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
4. "I Take Pride In My Work" - I blame others for my mistakes.
5. "I'm Personable" - I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
6. "I'm Extremely Professional" - I carry a Day-Timer.
7. "I Am Adaptable" - I've changed jobs a lot.
8. "I Am On The Go" - I'm never at my desk.
9. "I'm Highly Motivated To Succeed" - The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.
10. "I Look Forward To Hearing From You Soon" - Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your form letter thanking me for "my interest and wishing me luck in my future career".
Note:
Some info gathered, courtesy: Wikipedia.
Note on "Dilbert" - for the uninitiated - (first published April 16, 1989) is an American comic strip written and drawn by Scott Adams. Dilbert is known for its satirical office humour about a white-collar, micromanaged office featuring the engineer Dilbert as the title character. Dilbert is the eponymous main character of the Dilbert comic strip. He has a rare condition characterized by an extreme intuition about all things mechanical and electrical (and utter social ineptitude), an idea that was explored in the animated television episode titled "The Knack". He graduated from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology with a degree in Electrical Engineering. Although his ideas are typically sensible and occasionally even revolutionary, they are seldom carried out because of his powerlessness. He is easily frustrated by the incompetence of his co-workers (most often the Pointy-Haired Boss) and is often sarcastic and snide. For more details please log on to: http://www.dilbert.com/
Photographs:
Cartoons depicting funny scenarios from the corporate world... all in good humour though, I assure you! (Cartoons courtesy: Parimal Joshi and Manjul.)
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