Feluda: Gorosthane Sabdhan!

Author's note: To read 'The Complete Adventures of Feluda (Vol I) by Satyajit Ray' please click here.

A disturbed grave in a centuries-old cemetery, a ciphered message and a mysterious 'repeater'... On a visit to the Park Street cemetery (founded in 1767) in Calcutta, Feluda and his friends chance upon an old grave that has been dug into. Slight clues lead them into the heart of a mystery that is both complex and fascinating. When the jigsaw that involves Marquis Godwin's dilapidated flat in a scary and gloomy old building on Ripon Street, a séance, a singer in a restaurant, a ruthless rich collector and a midnight vigil at the graveyard is put together, what emerges is one of the most intriguing mysteries Feluda has ever been faced with.

This is also the latest Feluda film to hit the marquee, and walks you through some glorious history of Calcutta (including showcasing the city's oldest photographic studio - Bourne & Shepherd, Gorosthan [the Park Street cemetery that has around 2000 graves but has not had a single burial for many years], the mausoleum of Job Charnock, traditionally regarded as the founder of the city of Calcutta, the tombs of Henry Louis Vivian Derozio, the fiery Anglo-Indian teacher, poet, a radical thinker and freedom fighter who lived a rather short but a memorable life and played a major role in ushering modern ideology among the young generation of Calcutta; William Jones, founder of the Asiatic Society, John Hyde, a judge famous for his papers and Rose Aylmer who inspired the poem of the same name by Walter Savage Landor and other heritage venues of Calcutta - not Kolkata mind you). It also introduces you to the 'Perigal Repeater'.

Sabyasachi Chakraborty once again essays the role of Feluda admirably - sophisticated, intelligent, sharp and mildly yet fashionably arrogant... in his own way. Bibhu Bhattacharya is back as Lalmohanbabu aka Jatayu. While chocolate-faced actor Saheb Bhattacharjee - son of famous footballer Subrata Bhattacharjee who is now a well-known football coach - is Topshe (previously played by Siddhartha Chatterjee, Saswata Chatterjee and Parambrata Chatterjee). Yes, all three Topshes were Chatterjees until Saheb arrived! While another Feluda series fixture veteran actor Haradhan Bandopadhyay is seen as 'Sidhu Jyatha'. The first Topshe who partnered Soumitra Chatterjee was Siddhartha Chatterjee - now a financial analyst in his own right. The next Topshe were Saswata Chatterjee and Parambrato Chatterjee. When Parambrato grew out of the character, director Sandip Ray's choice was the young and fresh-faced Shaheb Bhattacharjee... and he has done a great job.

The sparkling cameos performed by some of the best veteran actors boost up the ratings of the acting cast... with top marks going to Tinnu Anand as Godwin's gone-to-seed great-great-great grandson Marquis Godwin who, like his ancestor, has gambled away everything but a beautiful ivory casket that holds the secret to Thomas Godwin's grave. Pradip Mukherjee as Naren Biswas is subtle in his understatement of an important role, underwritten by feelings of failure and guilt. Subhashish Mukherjee as Girin Biswas, his younger brother, has a layered role and performs it to perfection. This actor who is usually seen in comic roles has packed an impressive performance that underlines his versatility and indicates his range as an actor. Dhritiman Chatterjee as Mahadeb Choudhury is theatrical and flamboyant but that is just what the character demands - showy, conceited, slighting of others and cold.

Satyajit Ray wrote this Feluda story in 1977. Sandip has relocated it by flashing it forward to 2010 and making the slightly necessary changes to the script... to fit it into the present time frame. The city has completely changed in the last 40 odd years. So a large number of descriptions from the book had to be suitably changed in the film. Thus, Blue Fox, the landmark restaurant, had to be replaced with another equally old restaurant on Park Street and the signature Ambassadors and Fiats on the city's streets have been replaced with modern cars.

The camera wanders around Kolkata. One discovers that the city of Kolkata with warts and all has evolved into a significant character in the film. Despite the time leap from story to film, the flavour of an old Kolkata comes back like an old gramophone record forgotten in some old shelf. But this Calcutta-Kolkata incorporates a sophisticated hospital, modern gizmos, a band playing at Trincas the old restaurant on Park Street that is still around, an Internet café Feluda steps into to Google-search some info, Seagull Bookstore in the southern parts of Kolkata, lunch hogged in a hurry at Chung Wah, a once-famous Chinese restaurant in central Calcutta, ending along the banks at Raichak, a new addition, and so on. All this is wonderfully portrayed with bytes of information flowing in naturally through Feluda's encyclopedic knowledge. The magic cinematography is never in a hurry to reach a destination before it needs to... just as the editing decides to call it quits when it should.

'Gorosthaney Shabdhan!' has an extremely impressive and original opening on the original Park Street graveyard. The credits are engraved on the gravestones, the camera panning slowly to catch them in circles. The sound design is fantastic in all the night scenes in the graveyard - eerie sounds of bats, dogs, owls and frogs dotting the silence, or, muffled sounds of someone being pulled and hit, or, the planchette table tapping above that shakes Marquis Godwin's ceiling and last but never the least, all the 250 clocks chiming together on the dot of six when Feluda, Topshe and Lalmohan Babu come to meet Mahadeb Choudhury in his opulent apartment (with its red-carpeted staircase) for the first time. Sandip Ray's Gorosthane Sabdhan! informs, educates and entertains without dragging its feet over its almost lyrical closure. It blends some thrills, a bit of suspense and doses of action and adventure to take the audience on an entertaining trip through the city of Kolkata.

Thanks are due to Sandip Ray for bringing this magnificent story to life. Read the story - in Bengali or English and grab the DVD.

The film has been a huge success prompting the director - Sandip Ray - to announce plans to work on two more Feluda films in the coming years, namely, 'The Royal Bengal Rahashya' ('The Royal Bengal Mystery') and 'Joto Kando Kathmandutey' ('The Criminals of Kathmandu'/ a novella, 1980). The days of suspense will be back soon.

When Satyajit Ray wrote Gorosthane Shabdhan! in 1977, the process of renaming streets and locations in Calcutta had already started. Of course, this reached a frenzied pace in recent years with the renaming of the city itself to Kolkata and the prime location of the novel, Park Street, to Mother Teresa Sarani. Nonetheless, in the story we find signs that change had already started. Dalhousie Square had become B.B.D. Bag in honour of the revolutionaries Binoy, Badal, and Dinesh. Topshe even had difficulty remembering that Ochterlony Monument had been renamed to Shaheed Minar! (Most people born in my generation have no clue who David Ochterlony was and what he did to deserve a monument).

Old timers used to (and still do) refer to places in Calcutta (or Kolkata, if you prefer) by their original names. They would always say Dalhousie Square, "Monument", Theatre Road, Camac Street, Harrison Street, and Circular Road. Many of these names are still present in Gorosthane Shabdhan! but others are gone. However, Chowringhee and Strand Road have managed to make it this far and are still quite popular. In any case, I will not be surprised if Esplanade is also "Indianised" soon... since that is the best and the most potent solution to all infrastructure related problems! What?

Feluda is said to be a cross between Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes, Hergé's Tintin and George Lucas' Indiana Jones... and the films have been popular too. The global popularity of the sleuth is also enviable, as Feluda stories have been published in full in English and in part in many other major international languages (French and Spanish included). The charm of Ray's Feluda stories lie, among other things, in their skillful mix of mystery and humour. It is good that his works are being translated into other languages - especially English. It'll help bring on a larger readership. I think they have been translated into Marathi and Hindi too.

The original Feluda - Soumitra Chatterjee - was ageing while the mid-1980s saw the demise of the hugely talented Santosh Dutta (the original Jatayu) due to cancer. The latter prompted Ray to decide never to film a Feluda story again, although he went on writing them at a phenomenal rate till the end of his days.

Ray felt Santosh Dutta was irreplaceable as Jatayu. However, Ray Jr. looked at it differently... and felt one has to move on and that the show must go on.

Sandip Ray announced in the late 1990s that he was working on a new Feluda film with new faces for the trio - Feluda, Topshe and Jatayu - and fans were curious to know who would be cast in the roles. Soumitra Chatterjee and Santosh Dutta had been perfect as Feluda and Jatayu, but now Chatterjee had become too old for the part, and Dutta had passed away. Chatterjee had in fact said to the media that he would play no more Feluda roles. People argued that no one could replace him, and that it was equally impossible to replace Dutta as Jatayu. But many others pointed out that the iconic Sherlock Holmes has been played by so many actors, and so has been James Bond aka Agent 007, so why not Feluda? Just because Satyajit Ray, Santosh Dutta and Utpal Dutt (Maganlal Meghraj) were no more, and Soumitra could no longer play Feluda, it was not justified to archive the super-sleuth Feluda forever.

Thus, to a mixed response, Sandip Ray chose three new actors: Sabyasachi Chakraborty as Feluda, Saswata Chatterjee as Topshe and veteran actor and comedian Robi Ghosh as Jatayu. Although Saswata was a new face, Sabyasachi was an experienced TV actor and fans looked forward to seeing him as the new Feluda. Soumitra Chatterjee, the original Feluda, was also overjoyed. He took it sportingly, agreeing to the fact that he was too old now to be Feluda. In one of the 5 films from the "Feluda 30" series directed by Sandip - to commemorate 30 years of Feluda - was a story 'Ambar Sen Antardhan Rahasya' ('The Mysterious Disappearance of Ambar Sen'). The story was set in Kolkata - 'the City of Joy'. It dealt with the 'kidnapping' of Ambar Sen and a theft. Feluda fans were in for a surprise in the very first scene itself. None other than Soumitra Chatterjee, the original Feluda, played Feluda's client, Ambar Sen.

The first film (directed by Sandip for the television series) was 'Baksha Rohoshya' ('The Mystery of the Kalka Mail' aka 'A Mysterious Case'/ filmed: 1996), which had already been presented as a radio play by Satyajit Ray. The story is set in Kolkata, Delhi and Shimla, and deals with a stolen diamond and a priceless unpublished manuscript.

The film was supposed to be televised on 2 May, Satyajit Ray's birthday, but red tape led to delays, and Sandip went for a showing of the television version in a cinema in Kolkata. The Feluda magic pulled in the crowd. Although Robi Ghosh was a veteran and a great actor, he was no match for Santosh Dutta as Jatayu. However, Sabyasachi did a pretty decent job, and although he had a lot of areas to work on in order to suit the role, the viewers accepted the new Feluda.

Ray is said to have not been fond of the only Byomkesh mystery he ever directed - 'Chidiyakhana' ('The Zoo'/ 1967); he derided it as being a whodunnit, which in his opinion, never was a good idea for films. The denouement was invariably tedious, and the whole concept of finding out who did it tended to become boring.

Satyajit Ray had decided, and Sandip Ray agreed, that a big-screen film could not be made in a 'whodunnit' format, as it reduces the chances of repeat view while some spoilsport can kill the story/film and the thrills by disclosing the identity of the criminal. On the other hand, it is a good idea to follow the 'whodunnit' format on television, as there is less chance of repeat viewing. As we see in 'Sonar Kella' ('The Golden Fortress'/ a novella, 1970/ filmed: 1974) and 'Joi Baba Felunath' ('The Mystery of the Elephant God'/ a novella, 1975/ filmed: 1979), the thriller format had been adopted in filming, although 'Sonar Kella' was written in a 'whodunnit' format like other Feluda stories. However, for all the other films, which were made for the TV, the 'whodunnit' format was retained.

With 'Baksho Rohoshya' perhaps Sandip Ray wanted to experiment with the thriller format on TV before going for the big screen... and he met with reasonable success too.

The Feluda stories continue to waft their magic fragrance through the books/novels and films - over 45 years after they were first written - and literally whet our appetite, the way the bitter starter is meant to do in Bengal. Feluda was and remains fatafati!

The Official trailer of Gorosthane Sabdhan! HERE.

Photograph: Poster of the film 'Gorosthaney Shabdhan!' aka 'Beware in the Graveyard!' Pic. courtesy: Link.

"Culture Vulture" - A Micro Fiction.

Well, a while back I wrote a post (flash fiction) that introduced the protagonist. For those who need to refresh their memories (since its quite foggy and chilly these days *wink*) or require an introduction... click HERE.

Now... before you proceed to read any further, I advice you to read the earlier story (link given above) so as to get the drift... and avoid any disconnect.

He was mighty pleased at the simple yet effective way the 'solution' presented itself... and above all worked. It was quite innovative too. All Thanks to his senior colleague. He was beginning to feel at home... at ease with all the sudden changes that he had to encounter over the last month and half. Those of culture, tradition, language, gastronomic and climatic challenges, et al. Afterall, he had sailed half-way round the world to arrive here... on the shores of Bengal. He has managed quite well until now... managed to survive the transition between the known world and the unknown. He felt adventurous... maybe he need not learn the alien language afterall. He was a part of the Raj... at the end of the day. Or so he thought.

It was a weekend and the weather was pleasant. A perfect day for venturing out and exploring the area... on his own. In the evening there was a garden party... the khansamas (head cooks), khitmatgars (waiters), malis (gardeners) and the other servants would be busy with the arrangements already. There was an awful lot of servants he noted, people had far fewer servants back in England... except for the inhabitants of the Buckingham Palace of course. He checked the British made Smiths Empire contraption in his pocket... it was nearly breakfast time. He continued to read the newspaper. Rather pretended to read it... his mind was elsewhere. He thought about the things he had seen and heard in the last 6 weeks or so... in this British dominion.

Memsahib (the Governor General and Viceroy of India aka the Laat Sahib's better half) had taught the Khansamas about cutlery. The Bawarchis (cooks) were taught to make puddings, pies and pastries using local ingredients. Memsahib did not consider Indian food fit for the civilized masses (meaning the 'Goras'). They hated the smell of Indian foods being cooked. The Goras (Whites) had become self-absorbed and refrained themselves from learning anything about Indian Cuisine. While the Indians did not accept British food beyond the tea and the Ketchup. The tea was modified to 'Garam Chai' (Chai Hot tea Latte), and Ketchup was spiced up to Curry Ketchup... to suit the Indian palate. The Anglo-Indians (children from mixed marriages between the locals and the British) accepted the 'Western bread loaf' (Double Roti), cakes and cookies. In 1887, the British had opened a bakery in Delhi... which was doing decent business (this later became the giant known as the 'Britannia Biscuits Company'.)

To the displeasure of the Memsahib and other aristocratic Memsahibs, some British fell in love with Indian Cuisine and created their own versions: Mulligatawny soup, Jalfrezi, and Worcestershire Sauce. The British coined the term 'Bombay Duck' to describe a lizard like fish found under the piers of the Bombay dock. George V, had 'curry' for lunch almost everyday. In 1884, a group of nuns set up a factory in Meerut to manufacture 'Macaroni', 'Spaghetti', and 'Vermicelli'. (The Vermicelli has been well fused into Indian Cuisine as Sevian Kheer.)

What a strange name - 'Jalfrezi' - he had wondered, while a colleague had volunteered to enlighten him. The British created this method of reheating left-overs and the credit went to the then Governor General for the state of Bengal, Lord Marcus Sandys... who enjoyed spicy Indian foods. He is also credited with converting Tamarind/Jaggery Chutney into Worcestershire Sauce. In Bengali, 'Jhal' means 'spicy hot'. 'Jhal' led to 'Jal'. While 'Frezi' is thought to have been derived from the Urdu word 'Parhezi'... meaning 'a person with discriminating taste'. Some believe it is just a slang for 'Fried, zee!'; where, 'zee' is the Urdu word to emphasize on the instruction to fry.

'Mulligatawny Soup' was quite a tongue-twister for him... and his tongue had still not won the battle. But he found the history attached to it very interesting indeed. Indian cooks (during the British Raj) served a soup course to their rulers... who actually christened it thus. The name is derived from two words... from the Tamil language. 'Millagu' means 'pepper' and 'Thanni' means 'water'. So, the name 'Mulligatawny Soup' or 'Pepper water' was born. He smiled at the memory of his first encounter with this 'red-blooded' soup. He had almost called the fire brigade!

His mind now drifted to the 'Worcestershire Sauce'. In 1835, Lord Marcus Sandys, an ex-Governor of Bengal, approached chemists John Lea and William Perrins, whose prospering business in Broad Street, Worcester, handled pharmaceuticals and toiletries as well as groceries. He asked them to make up a sauce from a recipe which he brought back from India. While his lordship was apparently satisfied with the results, Messrs Lea and Perrins considered it to be an "unpalatable, red-hot fire-water" and consigned the quantity they had made for themselves to the cellars. During the stocktaking/spring clean the following year, they came across the barrel and decided to taste it before discarding it. To their amazement, the mixture had mellowed into an aromatic, piquant and appetizing liquid. They hastily purchased the recipe from Lord Sandys and, in 1838, the Anglo-Indian Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce was launched commercially.

One of the myriad 19th-century pungent English sauces based on oriental ingredients, it had many imitators sporting pretentious names such as "British Lion" and "Empress of India". Its exact recipe remains a secret. All that is known is that it includes vinegar, sugar, soya sauce, molasses, tamarind, shallots, anchovies, ginger, chili, cloves, nutmeg and cardamom. He has yet to taste it though... the very mention of the word 'chili'... sets off alarm bells in his head.

Words can be deceptive. The 'Bombay Duck' taught him this lesson... without a shred of doubt. Expecting a well-cooked and delicious dish consisting of a member of the feathered species... he was instead greeted with a scaly inhabitant from the salty waters. He had been so overwhelmed by its 'fragrance' that he had choked and nearly fainted... and had to be carried away to safer environs. Later... yet another colleague tutored him.

'Bombay Duck' is not a 'Duck'. 'Duck' is a slang for the Hindi word 'Dak'. 'Dak' in Hindi stands for 'mail'. 'Bombay Duck' is a small fish normally called as 'Bumla'... found near the piers of Bombay (Mumbai). The fish is scaled, cleaned, filleted as strips, salted and dried. After it is dried, it has a very strong and distinct fishy odour. In an air tight jar, it can be stored indefinitely. The British could not say 'Bumla', so they called it 'Bombay Dak', referring to the smell of the 'Bombay Mail'. The fish was not transported by train... but the mail was. And the mail would gather/catch the strong fishy odour from the area where it was loaded. He was also told that fresh fish is used to make 'fish fry'. His GK has been constantly traveling northward... ever since his arrival.

The Memsahibs brought and planted new fruits: Apricots, Peaches, Pears, and Plums in the Nilgiri Hills. The British improved the local strawberry (Fragaria indica) in Mahabaleshwar. From England, they brought new vegetables and planted here: Cauliflower (Gobhi), Cabbage (Bund Gobhi), and Kohlrabi. The Memsahibs brought in flowers to decorate their homes, and planted: Carnations, Dahlia, Daisies, Gladiolas, Impatience, Lilies, Pansies, Petunias, Poinsettias (red), and some varieties of roses.

He was deep in thought... the punkah-wallah was at his job. Suddenly... the door was flung open and two servants rushed in. They spoke excitedly... simultaneously. It was a strange cacophony... he was baffled.

The Gowala (cow attendant) was saying, "I go up" over and over again... pointing to his right eye.

The other, a Coolie was saying, "We go down"... breathlessly.

He did not understand what they were trying to convey... even though the words were english sounding. His senior had indicated that the servants here spoke a kind of pidgin english. But he couldn't comprehend anything at all.

He sat there... stunned. Then with a wave of his hand... asked them to leave.

Still no sign of the breakfast...

He decided to skip it and explore the area instead. He could even have it at a restaurant... if he wanted to. He stood up... put on his hat and coat. His Chopdar (silver stick bearer)... an old man... handed him his walking stick. He set off...

It was quite pleasant outside... with a nip in the air. Few people or transport... on the road. He walked on...

He came across a few flower-sellers... on the pavement. The flowers looked fresh and he was struck by all the myriad kinds in a variety of colours. He stopped... to admire them. One the flower-sellers... an old woman... kept saying "bouni, bouni". He shook his head... and kept on looking at the flowers. Now, two others joined the old woman in chanting "bouni, bouni". Confused, he walked away.

Another seller... a younger woman... approached him. She had a young boy with her. They came beside him, with a bunch of flowers, "Take take, no take no take, ekbar toh see!"

At this he shook his head even more vigorously and quicked his pace.

Feeling quite hungry now... he looked at the shops... searching for a restaurant. He found a signboard proclaiming... "Mr. Beef Seafood Restaurant". There were some Chinese characters following it. He stood for a while with raised eyebrows... on the pavement across the road.

Moving on... he came across a few more signs. "Brain Disease Curing Set", "Oil Gates", "An Excellent Winding Smoke" and a small signboard which stated, "The slippery are very crafty".

He walked on... his mind still absorbing all of this... the newly acquired 'knowledge-cum-cultural orientation' that is.

After a while he came across another restaurant offering "Mixed Chow with Garlic Mud". By now he was quite famished... and decided to try out this one. But before he could push the door open, a Chinese man appeared before him, blocking the way... and respectfully said "No go". He tried to reason with him... but the man merely repeated those two words... each time.

He shrugged his shoulders and moved on... and after a while came across a bilingual signboard: "Bengal Famous Oil-Fried Shop".

He walked on and found himself staring at "Copulation Accessories"... with "No can do" written underneath.

He retraced his steps...

Photograph:

A British couple at the dining table attended to by the khidmatgars... during the British Raj. Pic courtesy: link.

Tales of 'Dakats'... 'Ron-paa'/'Bojra'/'Panshi'... and 'Honour among thieves'... errr 'Dakats'!

This is my first post in 2010. Before I begin... let me wish you all a very Happy and Fabulous New Year! In this post, I intend to continue with my series on the dacoits... rather the Bengal dakats.

Author's Note: To read "Tales of Dacoits and one unique story... dating back three centuries!" click HERE. The story "Girl as Kali-Ma" can be read in this post.

"Life and times of the 'Bengal Dakats'... (Part - I)" can be read HERE. The equipments used and the unique mode of communication (including the 'gupto bhasha') followed by the dakats of yore can be read here.

"Tales of 'Dakats' and 'Dakate Kali'" is HERE. In this post you'll find the link leading to a compilation of 20 stories, "Bengal Dacoits and Tigers" (1916) by the Maharanee Sunity Devee, C.I. of Cooch Behar. An incident based on a true story involving the spine-chilling ritual/practice of 'nara bali' can also be found here. Read on...

Writers down the ages have been seduced by the literary possibilities of what can be termed the "outlaw" genre. Muscled bandits, eyes glowing through a lot of facial hair, with or without a heart of gold, riding hell for leather on powerful stallions, to raid houses in remote villages. Remember Sholay? Indian bandits - with the exciting backdrop of impenetrable jungles, wild animals and wilder exploits - have been storytellers' favourites for a long time now. Whether it was Daku Man Singh, the original bandit queen Putlibai or the more recent Phoolan Devi and Veerappan - who can resist the romance and danger inherent in their lives?

The Bengal dakats were not the usual horse riding kind. Their means of communication and transportation were truly unique... that cannot be found anywhere else. In those days, Bengal was undivided, meaning... there was no Bangladesh/East Pakistan. The entire area covering current West Bengal and Bangladesh (erstwhile East Bengal) was referred to as 'Bengal'. In the western part of Bengal (i.e., current West Bengal) people usually commuted on land, but in a riverine area like East Bengal (present-day Bangladesh)... people traveled via the waterways.

For commuting via these waterways, the dakats did not depend on conventional forms of travel... like boats (both passenger and fishing), steamers, launchs, ships, etc. They made some unique 'inventions'... which truly reflect their ingenuity and genius. More so... since they were usually uneducated fellows. But then, who said that 'education' or 'knowledge' is gained only within the four walls of the classroom in schools and colleges or by entering the hallowed portals of exalted universities/institutions... ??? 'Experience' is the greatest teacher and 'necessity is the mother of invention'... right... ??? Right!

The dakats invented the 'panshi' and the 'bojra' (country ship)... which were essentially 'slim long boats'. These were narrow boats with a paddle capacity/space of 20-30. Having many oars, these lightweight crafts could bear many people... and moved swiftly. Yes, that is the keyword... 'swiftly'. Infact, these panshis and bojras were very fast. The 'pirates' (jala dashshus) were in a class of their own. However, some of the bands of dakats who committed dacoity/dakaty on land... too availed of the 'panshi' and the 'bojra'. Deprived of good roads and transport to commute from one rural location to another - one had to remain alert for the attack of dacoits on the lonely stretches, during the night-travels on a bullock cart or a 'palki' (palanquin).

The present day 'pirates' or 'jala dashshus' ('Jala' is water and 'dashshu' is brigand/dacoit... in Bangla) usually commit dacoity... by traveling/using passenger boats on large rivers. On seeing any passenger boat/launch nearby, these dacoits request those passengers for a little fire: "Please spare us a little fire." Thereafter, on the pretext of 'borrowing' fire they bring their craft alongside their targetted boat/launch and proceed to attack. In this region, a class of cruel and wicked pirates named 'Bijanaa' commit dacoity on the river Padma in this typical fashion even today. Due to this, the boatmen engaged by the traders or jewelers and passenger crafts ought to never stop their boats out of compassion for lending fire or tobacco. Rather, the moment they hear a request, "a little fire please", "a little water ('mitha pani' i.e., 'drinking water') please", or "a little tobacco please"... they should not stop or slow down, rather increase their spead and move their craft far away. Among these criminal-natured pirates, the 'Sandaar' and 'Goaynaa' bands were/are notorious. These pirates roam about in boats and live on the fish they catch. Portuguese pirates (called 'bombete'), salt smugglers and dacoits operated in the Sundarbans... in the 17th century.

In the past many kings, Nawabs and Zamindars (landlords) used to take the help of these pirates quite often... during a war or to take possession of some land. After the fall of these landlords and princely houses/states, for some time these riverine bandits were forced to eke out their livelihoods only by means of dacoity. Like these pirates, the land dacoits were also extremely powerful in this region in the past. At places, their leaders have received honours equivalent to kings. In the past, landlords were even forced to pay them annual taxes. During the first part of the British rule in India, their power and influence was quite substantial. It is even said that the ancestors of some of the famous Zamindar families of today were dacoits.

The land dacoits used a type of bamboo staff called the 'Ron-paa' (stilt) for traveling. 'Ron' here signifies 'battle' and 'paa' is 'leg'. 'Ron-paa' is made of two pieces of slim bamboo. In the centre of these bamboo staffs... there is a knot. Placing their feet on these knots and thereby gaining in height or rather rising far up (from the ground)... these dacoits could travel at a speed of twelve miles an hour on these "battle-legs". With the help of these "battle-legs" they were able as a team... to cross through and across canals, tanks, fields, plains and undergrowth very swiftly. When these dacoits traveled on these "battle-legs", they would appear like 'massive giants striding on huge legs'. The use of these "Ron-paa" or "battle legs" demands great practice. Perhaps, just as none have been able to master the art of skiing on snow as well as the Finns... none but the Bengalis (and foremost among them were the 'Bengal dakats') have been able to use this "Ron-paa" so skillfully. The dacoits - expert in using it - can be compared with modern 'mechanized troops'. During the rule of the Bengali kings... soldiers used this "ron-paa" for speedy travel and because of this... these "artificial legs" were also referred to as the "battle-legs".

The Roman troops had several signature maneuvers in the battlefield... you must be familiar with them... they have been lampooned at in the Asterix series! Similarly, in ancient India too the ritual of battle was somewhat thus: in the first line, like the huge tanks of today, armoured elephants would crash through all obstacles and dangers with their huge bodies and behind these 'living tank-columns' would rush the chariots and cavalry, much like the motorized columns of today. But though this battle technique was effective on the hard ground and hilly terrain of North and South India, it was absolutely useless in Bengal... which was bereft of land routes and was full of marshy land. Therefore, in this region, kings and chieftains had to resort to fishing boats for traveling swiftly over the water bodies and to this "Ron-paa" for travel on land. In a way, the "Ron-paa" is an indigenous invention of the Bengali warrior. Needless to say, after the fall of the large royal families it was their scattered and disbanded soldiers who built up these dacoit bands in the past. The word "Ron-paa" and its near monopoly use by the dacoit gangs is a sure proof of this. From irregular acts of looting during famine/festivals etc... they graduated to indulging in the organised armed activities of professional dacoits.

When these dacoits came to eat at any zamindar's place - they would of course "self-invite" themselves - they refused to take salt. i.e., they used to have salt-less food, for they knew that good relations might not continue forever with these zamindars. Also 'salt' has a different connotation in our culture... it is equated with 'loyalty'. There is a saying: "namak khaya hai" (meaning: 'have taken salt'... which binds the person[s] to remain forever loyal to the one who has given/provided them the namak [salt]). One who breaks this hallowed/sacred bond/duty is taunted as a "namak haram" (meaning: disloyal/cheat/dishonourable). Even dakats would not want to be labelled thus! Talk about 'Honour among thieves'... errr dakats... !!!

Hunting for hidden treasure, they have even tied men to wooden posts and scorched them with 'kolkey' (clay pipes used for smoking tobacco). As for the women, let alone touch them, they have never even tried to take a single ornament off their bodies. They were true gentlemen indeed! What?? But this cannot be said about the dacoits of today. These modern dacoits at times perpetrate unspeakable atrocities on women and men... even on children and babies... indiscriminately.

Many of the dakat/dacoit gangs that came into being at the beginning of the British rule were 'sepoys' (foot soldiers) and 'lathials' (private army) dismissed by the zamindars. During the Pathan rule, these zamindars were fully autonomous with respect to internal government. Therefore, they had to establish these 'sepoys' and 'lathials' in the areas governed by them... in most cases, for generations... by gifting them land. So, by family tradition, their very profession became: 'fighting for the zamindars'. Even though under the Mughals the autonomy of the zamindars was slightly abridged, they went on sustaining these fighters for a long time for their personal requirements.

Under the English too, the responsibility for maintaining law and order was vested in these zamindars... for a while that is. Thereafter, on establishment of the police force (usually referred to as the 'lal pagdi' or the 'red-turbuned'... due to the red coloured 'turban' or 'head gear' they wore) and the judiciary, the zamindars had no longer any need for them. Many of these dismissed 'lathials' began to serve with the dacoit leaders of those times for their livelihood. Hence, at that time in every district of Bengal, several dacoit gangs had sprung up. It can be declared with surety that some dacoits of today (belonging to or categorized under the 'criminal tribes') are the unworthy descendants of these very warriors (sepoys/lathials). What a pity!

The dakats/dacoits of yore used to worship Ma Kali before embarking on any 'mission'. Hence, the form of Ma Kali worshipped by them was called 'dakatay kali'. Some even offered 'soma ras' or pure wine as a 'bhog' (offering of food) to appease the goddess... apart from 'nara bali' of course. With the passage of time... this custom changed and rams (male goats), sheep or buffaloes were sacrificed instead. It is said that Krishnananda Agamvagish (c. 15th-16th century) introduced the worship of *Daksinkalika in Bengal. During the time of Maharaja Krishnachandra Roy of Nadia (1710-1783, reign: 1728-1782), the worship of Ma Kali was well established in Bengal. Bengal also went through a phase of huge cultural revolution during his reign. His navaratna (nine jewels) sabha still plays a significant role in the cultural development of Bengal.

Legend says that Lord Shiva appeared before Maharaja Krishnachandra (the king of Nadia) in his dream, and told him that he was shifting his base from Kasi to his capital. So, in order to please the Lord... the Maharaja set up his new capital at Shivniwas, and constructed 108 (although historians have doubted this figure) temples in his honour. But historians have come up with a more rational explanation. They say that in the middle of the 18th century Maharaja Krishnachandra in order to save his capital Krishnanagar from the invading Maratha dacoits (Borgis) shifted it to Shivniwas, which was surrounded on three sides by the Churni River, thus providing a natural protection from the invading borgis. After shifting his capital the Maharaja christened it Shivniwas, probably after Lord Shiva. However, some historians claim that it was named after his son... Shiva Chandra.

It is generally thought that Durga Puja was not prevalent anywhere in Bengal before the 15th century. In the folk songs of the Bauls (wandering minstrels of the North and Western part of Bengal), the arrival of Gouri (another name for goddess Durga) in Autumn, has been sung.

The historical evidence of Durga Puja can be traced to the time of Hossain Shah Sultan of Bengal. It was (supposedly) the Golden Age of Bengal, the end of the fifteenth century. Political power was in the hands of the zamindars. The zamindars of North Bengal were all powerful. There was great rivalry between the zamindars of Dinajpur and Malda... for social supremacy. The zamindar of Dinajpur initiated Durga Puja... 'Akal Bodhan', on the day when Lord Shri Ram was supposed to have worshipped Ma Durga. He spent Rs. 9 lakhs. There was great pomp and pageantry and the climate was excellent as it was 'Ashwin' (Autumn... referred to as 'Shôrot' in Bengali and 'Sharad' in Hindi).

The zamindar of Malda... in order to out-beat his rival performed 'Basanti Puja' according to Puranic tradition during 'Chaitra' ('Chaitro' in Bengali, this month is associated with the coming of Spring) and spent Rs. 9.5 lakhs. From the following year onwards, both conducted Durga Puja in Autumn.

Later, the centre of Muslim rule shifted from Gaur (Gour) to Dhaka. The zamindars flourshed in East Bengal. They vied with each other and Durga Puja was performed by most. In the 18th century, it spread to other parts of Bengal. It is difficult to pinpoint the date but Radhakanto Deb and Kalikrishna Thakur brought the festival to Calcutta (Kolkata).

The Maratha dacoits/Marhatta raiders or the 'Borgis' (Bargis) would annually invade Bengal for about 10 years (1741–1751). They adopted Durga Puja and carried it westward with them.

Today, however, the dakats have become atheists and do not worship Ma Kali or Ma Durga any more...

(More later...)

Note: Some info gathered, courtesy: Wikipedia.

As Daksinakalika, Kali appears in her most fearsome aspect and is the most widely worshipped. In this aspect, she is shown as dark, four-armed and wearing a string of human heads with blood still dripping from them. She is three-eyed, with one eye in the centre of her forehead. She stands on the chest of Shiva and is encircled by his worshippers.

Photograph:

The picture of a bojra (country ship). Pic courtesy: link.

Profound, Prolific and Funny. (Part-III)

Author's Note: To read the 1st part of this post, click HERE.

The 2nd part can be read HERE.

Through this post... I intend to bring to you a few nuggets of information... some known, some unknown and some little known. But interesting nevertheless.

Former External Affairs Minister K. Natwar Singh's book "Yours Sincerely", a selection of correspondence between him and eminent public personalities - among them Indira Gandhi, P.N. Haksar, H.Y. Sharda Prasad, Vijayalakshmi Pandit, Rajiv Gandhi, E.M. Forster, Nadine Gordimer and Mulk Raj Anand... released earlier this month. The book does not include any correspondence with Sonia Gandhi... but many letters, written by people long gone, remain relevant even today.

In December 1971, Mrs. Gandhi wrote: "It is not important what the Chinese think or what they want. What is important is what they do. So far they have kept to the expected line." Nearly four decades later, her advice would still make sense. But we need to be on our guard... constantly, and not take the famous slogan "Hindi-Chini Bhai Bhai" too seriously. Even though we have now graduated to "Hindi-Chini Buy Buy" *wink*

Some of the correspondence reveals Mrs Gandhi's softer, affectionate side. In January 1970, after Natwar suffered a slipped disc while bending to give his son a teddy, she wrote to him, "Do you remember when the same thing happened to KPS Menon? He had to stand in a very artistic Ajanta pose for quite some time. Now you know the pleasures of fatherhood."

When Natwar's daughter was born, she wrote, "You certainly have done better planning than many of us. My heart has always yearned for a daughter, so I can imagine your joy in Jagat's having a baby sister."

Here is a very popular joke involving Pervez Musharraf and Atal Behari Vajpayee.

Pervez Musharraf comes to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee says to Musharraf: "Well, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant."

- "How do you know?" asks Musharraf.

- "Oh well, it's simple", says Atal. "They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second". He calls Advani over and says to him, "Tell me Advaniji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

- "Ah, that's simple", says Advani, "it is me!"

- "Well done Advaniji", says Vajpayee and Musharraf is very impressed.

He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet. He calls in his favourite member of Cabinet and asks: "Tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

The Cabinet member thinks and thinks but doesn't get the answer. "Can I think about it a bit further? May I let you know tomorrow?"

- "Of course", says Musharraf, "you've got 24 hours."

He goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knows the answer. Twenty hours later, the member of Musharraf's Cabinet is very worried... still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually he says: "I'll ask Benazir, she's clever, she'll know the answer."

He calls Benazir. "Benazir Sahiba", he says, "tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

- "Very simple", says Benazir, "it's me!"

- "Of course" says the Cabinet member and rings Musharraf. "Sir", says he, "I've got the answer. It's Benazir Bhutto".

- "No, you idiot", says Musharraf, "it's Advani".

During the BJP years, Benazir forged a link with the Advani family with equal facility and friendship. Infact, Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) leader L.K. Advani and the slain two-time former prime minister of Pakistan... Benazir Bhutto shared a very special bond - that of Sindh, the land of their birth. Once while she was at his place... during one of her visits to India, his daughter Pratibha narrated the above joke to her. The only change was that Musharraf was replaced by Nawaz Sharif.

Nawaz (another two-time former PM of Pakistan) was famously known as 'all brawn and no brains'. He was also reputed to have an attention span of 30 seconds... which should explain the Kargil War. i.e., Nawaz denying knowing anything about it and Musharraf insisting that he had briefed him. Even though towards the end of the 'war' the former had made an urgent dash to the land of the 'cowboys' to find a face-saving solution, ostensibly at the latter's insistence. His love for good food especially nihari and paya is quite legendary too.

According to Advani (as narrated in his autobiography "My Country My Life") Benazir just laughed and asked Pratibha for a print-out. She took the print of the joke back to Pakistan with her. Incidentally, Nawaz (a Punjabi from Kashmiri stock) was built up by the intelligence agencies and the army (under Gen. Zia) to counter Benazir in Punjab. His better half - Begum Kulsoom Nawaz Sharif - is a decendant of the legendary wrestler, Gama pehelwan. Gen. Zia's father was a humble Maulvi in a mosque and his family had migrated to the 'land of the pure' from India after independence. While the family of Musharraf (who was born near Delhi) too migrated across the border after the partition. Good riddance to bad rubbish... what???

Here is a joke about the late General Zia-ul-Haq who ruled Pakistan for nearly 12 years before dying in an air crash. Infact, his rule was the most despotic and the darkest ever chapter in that country... and there has been ripple effects elsewhere in the region and beyond. The spread of the drug culture, Kalashnikov culture, proliferation of political Madrassas, a destructive 'islamisation' of that nation, discriminatory laws, sowing the seeds of religious strife and the Taliban... et al. Zia had deposed the then prime minister Z.A. Bhutto in a coup d'état in 1977. In 1979 Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, Benazir's father and the first elected prime minister of Pakistan was executed (hanged to death) under a smokescreen that history now characterizes as a 'judicial murder'. One of the judges had even accused Bhutto Sr. of being a 'closet Hindu'. Now for the joke...

General Zia driving round Islamabad came across long queues of Pakistanis outside several embassies wanting visas and entry permits to go abroad.
He got out of his car and joined a line to find out why so many people were wanting to leave the country.
No sooner did the people see their President with them... they left the queue to return to their homes.

President Zia asked them why they were doing so.
They replied: "If you are leaving Pakistan there is no need for us to go."

The then regime (of Gen. Zia) had reportedly stripped (and photographed) Zulfikar's body to see if he was circumcised. Apparently, the Pakistan army had always treated Bhutto Sr. with disdain because his mother (Benazir's grandmother) Khursheed Begum was a Hindu from Gujarat who had converted to Islam. That should explain the reluctance of her family, party and supporters to subject her mortal remains to an autopsy under the Musharraf regime. What I find strange was the sudden insistence of the media - both domestic and international - on an autopsy. Indeed the way the media tried to play up the 'autopsy issue' (the denial of permission by her immediate family, that is) and played down the fact that the crime scene (where she was assassinated) was washed within minutes of her assassination... was extraordinary to say the least. Even the vehicle in which she was traveling was washed clean... thus destroying vital clues and evidence. Sudden collective amnesia on the part of the media, analysts, experts, et al means... Tarang, Tarang (that is the suspense music playing in the background, my friend). Even stranger was the attempt by the Scotland Yard to put the seal of authenticity on the Musharraf team's 'investigations and findings' into the murder. But then the cowboys and their cronies will have to shield Musharraf... else future recruitment of would-be Rommels and Guderians... will get affected. In the American scheme of things... he still has a role to play. Most certainly. They prefer someone who is a creature they can control... rather than someone who has strong support among the masses.

The father of Musharraf aka the erstwhile proud supermodel of the very exclusive 'Bushshirt'... was dismissed from service (due to financial misconduct) by Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto. Syed Musharrafuddin (Musharraf Sr.) was a lower grade employee of the Pakistan foreign service. Why the media and others insist on calling him a 'diplomat'... I have no idea. Benazir (during her tenure as PM) had interviewed Musharraf for some position and was quite disappointed by his analytical skills. Infact, she had very little respect for his 'analytical skills' and had termed him 'deceitful'. Musharraf... after wearing several hats (Chief of Army Staff + CEO + President + much else) had once boasted that he could put her in jail on a goat theft case. Can we imagine such a thing in India... ??? A rhetorical question... right? And Thank God for that!

The hand of the 'cowboys' and their cronies behind events in Asia especially South Asia is very evident. And their media... rather the western media/reports/polls, etc... are tools that are used for a certain purpose. Who can forget the stories regarding WMDs in Iraq of all places? The way it was orchaestrated, the purpose and the 'mission accomplished'. Afghanistan? Offlate, if you follow events in Iran as well as in the 'land of the pure'... the pattern is evident. It is called the 'colour revolution'.

The 'struggle cum movement' by the 'Men-In-Black' in the 'land of the pure' is highly suspicious. It was very well orchestrated, since they had to redeem the 'image' of the men-in-black in the eyes of the public and the world. And they succeeded. The black coats are the best bet... to achieve a certain desired result, since they provide the essential 'legal cover' too.

Weren't the 'Men-in-Black' involved in the agitation/movement... way back in 1977... ?? Of course back then... they were joined by others too (including the colourful beards' lobby). We know what the end result was. And wasn't the hand of the Jimmy Carter administration found... behind those 'spontaneous and popular' agitations... ??? Mind you... Mr. Carter was later honoured with the Nobel Peace prize, ostensibly for his matchless services rendered towards peace and charity. Last week, the same Jimmy Carter - one of America's most 'morally upright' presidents - was forced to apologise to Israel... because he realised that his grandson's senatorial ambitions would otherwise be thwarted by the politically-powerful pro-Israeli lobby. So much for 'democracy'.

Aren't the cowboys and their cronies trying to do the same in Iran now... ?? Not through the 'Men-in-Black' of course. That would give the game away!

Ummm... as they say, "Old wine in new bottle".

Until recently, I was yet to understand... how could lakhs of people who did not do a day's work, for 2 whole years... manage to maintain their home and hearth really well. Plus all the other expenses incurred while trying to set the world record, for the maximum distance covered on foot... ??? Then I read... that the Bar associations in the land of the 'cowboys' plus elsewhere had foot the bill. Plus someone with a love for nihari and paya. Plus angels and other mortals. So, the puzzle was finally solved *big grin*

Lets see how the events in South Asia shape up in the days to come. Coincidently, Obama is yet another Nobel laureate... the proud owner of the coveted Nobel Peace prize. Conferred on him by the august panel... immediately after he occupied the most expensive piece of real estate in the US of A.

In India, we are no stranger to bouts of name-changing spree. There are these little, obscure places whose names, rooted in some local tradition or legend, get changed when someone goes on the name-changing binge. Let me narrate a tale that most of you may not be familiar with... but it is interesting all the same.

There is this little place on the Karakoram Highway, about 6 miles short of Abbottabad. It is precisely where the road starts to climb into the mountains. Truck drivers usually stop here to top up the radiators with cold water from a nearby stream to ready their vehicles for the climb ahead. The place had a curious name, 'Khota Qabar', meaning, donkey's grave. Google gives the following information about this place: "Latitude 34.09; longitude 73.17; elevation 3,251 feet."

On their way to Balakot to fight the Sikhs, Syed Ahmed and Shah Ismail, who had come all the way from Breli, India, to wage jihad and liberate the area from Sikh control, had camped where Abbottabad is today. This was in 1831. They had brought a small army of mujahideen with them and some joined them locally. (Incidentally, this is the first time one comes across the word 'jihad' and 'mujahideen' in this part of the subcontinent). The Sikhs, in order to choke the mujahideen's supply lines, posted troops on the hills overlooking the road that led through the gorge.

The mujahideen, sensing the risk of sending supply convoys through the gorge cleverly hired the services of a donkey without a handler... to do the job. Yes, just one donkey. Even though the donkey has, for some odd reasons, become a metaphor for stupidity in our part of the world, it is not stupid at all. In fact, it has an excellent memory and uses it very intelligently. One of the unique traits of a donkey is that once he carries a load to a destination, he memorizes the route and does not need a handler to be able to go back to the same place. Just a light kick in the back sends him trudging quietly to his destination. So unknown to the Sikhs, this dutiful donkey trudged back and forth, night after night, carrying supplies from down below to the mujahideen's camp. It wasn't long before though that the Sikhs found out who the mysterious courier was and shot the donkey dead one night. (Obviously PETA and a famous bahu had not yet made their presence felt).

The mujahideen mourned the loss of the donkey and buried him in a grave rather than letting him rot in the open, as often they do. The place came to be called 'Khota Qabar' thereafter. The battle of Balakot ended in disaster for the mujahideen, but that is a different story. The grave of the donkey may not have survived but the name did. Ever since, people of the surrounding areas, old and young, know the place by that name. Ask any taxi, bus or truck driver and he will know where 'Khota Qabar' is. But recently, a road sign quietly sprouted at the precise spot announcing a new name for the place - 'Muslimabad'...! There was no one to defend the poor, dutiful donkey. However, the people of the area still know the place by its old name. And so does Professor Google!

Next time if you have the urge to call someone a 'donkey'... you know what to do. No?? Okie, I'll tell you. Bite your tongue...

Before I end, here is another joke on Gen. Zia...

Once Pak dictator Gen. Zia was speeding through Germany with his chauffeur at the wheel... on his way to an important ceremony. Driving down a country road, the chauffeur (who was distracted, looking out the window at the countryside) failed to see a pig walk out onto the road, and hit it with the car. Stopping the car, he jumped out, and Zia climbed out as well... to see what was going on. The chauffeur, very distressed by what he had done asked Zia what they should do. Zia told him (rather impatiently) that they were in a hurry and they should move the pig to the side of the road and go to the ceremony and worry about it later.

All the way to the ceremony... the chauffeur, who was a fairly good-hearted person despite his employer, was worried about the family who owned the pig and wondered how they'd react on discovering the dead pig. So when they arrived (at their destination) he asked Zia whether he should drive back to the farm and let the owners know what had happened.

Zia agreed... before hurrying to the podium, and the chauffeur hurried back down the road. Four hours later, he was seen stumbling down the road, his arms laden with gifts. Zia in a rage demanded to know what had happened to him, and the chauffeur explained, "I did what I thought was right. I went to the farm near the dead pig. When I knocked on the door and gave them the news, they gave me these gifts, fed me the best food I'd ever tasted and then sent me on my way."

Zia seemed confused by this and asked his chauffeur, "Well... what exactly did you tell them"? To which the chauffeur replied, "I can't understand it either. All I did was tell them, 'I'm Zia's chauffeur, and I killed the pig.'"

Here's wishing you all a Merry Christmas (belated) and a very Happy, Prosperous and Wonderful New Year (in advance)!!!

Note: Some info gathered, courtesy Wikipedia.

Photograph:

A Tuareg tribesman prays at twilight in Libya. Kinda depicts 'the sands of time'. Pic courtesy: National Geographic.

Profound, Prolific and Funny. (Part-II)

Author's Note: To read the 1st part of this post, click HERE.

In this post... I intend to look at the funny side of politics. Not necessarily the brand of 'poly tricks' practised in the land inhabited by yours truly, though *wink*

I will therefore bring to you several funny, profound, inspirational and stupid comments made by politicians and leaders - the people's representatives - over the decades.

Lalu Yadav is not the only one who makes odd and funny statements, though so full of hot air politicians (as a species) around the globe are... and so utterly convinced of their own greatness that it may never occur to them that some of what they say, their audience may find amusing. Editorial desks in the newspapers and electronic media are most generous in reporting what comes their way.

Speaking of the inimitable Lalu, who can forget his 'memorable' speeches during the presentation of the 'Railway Budgets'... in his earlier avatar as the Minister for Railways. Adding a garnish of some Bollywood masala to the 2008-09 Railway Budget, Lalu Prasad Yadav likened the 'historic' success of the rail network to the 2007 megahit 'Chak De India'. The minister, drawing a parallel with the Shah Rukh Khan starrer, which was based on the game of hockey, said: "We are scoring goal after goal in every match. Every child in the country will now say chak de railways. Mungerilal's dreams (Mungerilal ke haseen sapne) are actually being turned into reality," he said evoking much laughter.

The railway minister, whose inimitable sense of humour was well in place as he presented the Budget, recited a Hindi poem to convey his achievements and describe the much-talked-about turnaround of the railways. He said,

"Sab kah rahe hain humne gazab kaam kiya hai,
Karoron ka munafa har ek shaam diya hai,
Phal salon yeh ab dega, paudha jo lagaya hai,
Sewa ka, samarpan ka, humne farz nibhaya hai,"

as the House burst into laughter. Lok Sabha Speaker Somnath Chatterjee was also seen laughing away. Infact, Chatterjee was seen covering his mouth trying to suppress his laughter at Yadav's inimitable attempts to translate the poem into English. The complete speech is HERE [Clip]

The poetry was about the Railways doing wonders and earning crores as profits. "The sapling we planted will bear fruit now," Lalu said in the poem. At the request of some members, he translated the poetry into his accented English ("I will try to translate myself in English till here"), which again had the House in rapture. "Everybody is appreciating, ki I have done a tremendous work. Each and every year, I have earned crores and crores every day. And they are saying, Laloo Yadav has planted a fruit tree, and every year, it is duty of my, to grow fruit tree." To much mirth in the House, Chatterjee quipped (in hindi): "Iske baad rail ka koi samasya nehi rahega" (tr: after this, the railways will not face any problems). You can view the clip HERE. Infact, this clip has become a huge hit on YouTube. Watch it... it is a real stress-buster! *big grin*

In his elements, Lalu paused for a sip of water. "Pani peene dijiye," he said combatively, as if someone had threatened to snatch away the glass. His announcement of a coach factory for Kerala brought cheers from the Left MPs of the state. For him the going was still smooth - members on either side listening to his proposals carefully. A minor slip of tongue - 'July' sounded like 'dhulai' - was taken in good humour. In the first hint of a gathering storm, Adhir Chowdhury - a Congress MP from West Bengal - interrupted his list of new Garib Rath trains by asking, "Are there no poor in Bengal?" "Sunte jaiye" (tr: Keep listening), Lalu retorted.

Let us now turn to the land of the sole superpower... and even to the occupant (past and present) of the most expensive piece of real estate there. It may also be sort of reassuring to know that our politicians are not alone in this department. And that they can even be overshadowed and outpaced by miles. Really!

Let me start with President George W Bush who made the following profound observation about Africa once: "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." - Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001. Ronald Reagan, who had quite a wit, said after his 1984 debate with Walter Mondale, "If I had as much makeup on as he did, I'd have looked younger too."

And for those who have wondered why President Bush likes books, here is the explanation in his own words, "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." On reading he said, "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' - Townsend, Tennessee, 21 February, 2001.

Regarding small business growth and the budget let me quote Dubya again here. "I understand small business growth. I was one." - New York Daily News, 19 February, 2000. On the budget, "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." - Reuters, 5 May, 2000. Dubya is simply peerless! He had even proudly stated, "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." - Washington DC, 12 May, 2008.

I wonder how did he manage to get himself admitted and then graduate... from Harvard and Yale of all places... ??? I mean yeh halwa hai kya?? Certainly not on merit... thats for sure. So much for 'democracy'... !!

Congressman Tom Feeney of Florida has this to say about Congress: "The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money."

American politicians have had some most amusing things to say about government, Reagan said, "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help." However, one Grover Norquist of a group called 'Americans for Tax Reform' said, "I don't want to abolish government. I simply want to reduce it to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it in the tub." Reagan's view of economy remains a classic. He said, "If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidise it."

Richard Nixon, who swore like a sailor, laid down the following qualifications for his new chief of internal revenue or income tax: "I want to make sure he is a ruthless son of a bitch, that he will do what he's told, that every income tax return I want to see, I see, that he will go after our enemies and not our friends. Now it's as simple as that. If he doesn't, he doesn't get the job."

Nixon could not stand Jews. He once said to his chief of staff, Bob Haldeman, "You know, it's a funny thing. Every one of the bastards that are out for legalising marijuana is Jewish. What the Christ is the matter with the Jews, Bob? What is the matter with them? I suppose it is because most of them are psychiatrists."

Politics, Nixon once said, "would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people." Reagan, asked for his view of politics, observed, "Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears very close resemblance to the first."

President Bush's defence secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, will always remain known for this observation, "There are known knowns. There are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know."

Harry Truman said of Washington, "If you need a friend, get yourself a dog," while Fred Thompson, former senator and an actor in a popular TV series called 'Law and Order', said of the US capital, "After two years in Washington, I miss the sincerity and genuineness of Hollywood." And President Herbert Hoover said, "Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt."

Harry Truman, going over his life in politics, summed it up thus: "My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference."

And here is something that established a link between President John F Kennedy and President Asif Ali Zardari (of Pakistan). Kennedy said, "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." Zardari, asked by a friend to help an officer who had gone out of his way to do Zardari in while working at the Ehtesab (Accountability) Bureau, expressed his reservations but when pressed, relented. "Thank you, Sai'n," his friend said exiting the room, "Forgiven and forgotten?" "Forgiven, but not forgotten," Zardari was quick to remind him.

The Nawab of Kalabagh, once said that he kept two books, one listing the names of his friends, and the other, those of his enemies. "From the first book, you can move to the other book; but you can never move from the second book to the first."

Once, many moons ago, when Benazir Bhutto was the prime minister of the 'land of the pure' and under attack for various alleged financial misdeeds, she quoted from Shakespeare's Othello. 'Good name in man and woman, dear my lord,' said Iago to the Moor, 'is the immediate jewel of their souls; who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing; 'twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands; but he that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him, and makes me poor indeed.'

Politicians are usually asked to make good governance their top priority. There are no friendships at the top. Good governance demands that they change their friends periodically. Moreover, they are not required to make statements rebutting every criticism... though some continue to indulge in this game, aptly called the 'blame game'. It is often better to leave the repartee to underlings. When a former British premier, Clement Attlee, was told that he speaks very little, he answered, "You don't keep a dog and bark yourself".

(More later...)

Note: Some info gathered, courtesy: Wikipedia.

Photograph:

A picture of a telephone with a funny yet prolific tagline: If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us.