Saturday, March 28, 2009

"Sidhuisms".....from the Sixer Sidhu!!

Navjot Singh Sidhu (born 20 October, 1963) is an Indian cricket commentator and former cricket player (batsman). He is famous for his witticisms that have come to be known as "Sidhuisms."

Commentator and TV Personality: Sidhu started his career as a commentator for NIMBUS when India toured Sri Lanka in 2001. He however later became a commentator with ESPN-Star. He became famous for his funny quotes, which are now referred to as Sidhuisms.

Subsequent to his sacking, Sidhu took his act to commentate for Ten Sports. He also regularly appears as a "cricket analyst" on various local Indian channels. Of late, he also figures as a judge on a television program - "The Great Indian Laughter Challenge." He also appeared in some more similar programs like "Funjabi Chak De."

Cyrus Sahukar hosts a program on MTV - "Piddhu the Great" - where he is disguised as "Piddhu," a lookalike of Sidhu. The one-liners in the program, similar to "Sidhuisms," are called "Pidhuisms."

Sidhuisms: "Sidhuisms" are like can never have too much of it!! There's hardly a moment that this "Badshah of Balderdash" cannot describe in a single line! While some are thought provoking, others simply make you double up with laughter.

Following are some samples from the inimitable Navjot Singh Sidhu - the "verbal laughing gas." Here you go:

1) "Money is like manure. It is not good until it is spread around!"

2) "The Indian Cricket Board is like a vessel that leaks from the top."

3) "Indian openers are like envelopes - they don’t take you anywhere."

4) "Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald."

5) "Kenya in South Africa was like a mountain having labour pains."

6) "The batsman is as comfortable on this pitch as a bum would be on a porcupine."

7) "The Indian team without Sachin is like giving a kiss without a squeeze."

8) "Deep Dasgupta is not a wicket keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to ManchesterUnited."

9) "When you are dining with a demon, you got to have a long spoon."

10) "One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six."

11) "He is a wily fox. But, if we make the fox run, the chicken will become hen."

12) "A fallen lighthouse is more dangerous than a reef."

13) "A revolutionary idea is usually one with its sleeves rolled up."

14) "If the heavens throw you dates, you got to keep your mouth open."

15) "You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg."

16) "When you have a hen laying eggs you should not mind the cackle."

17) "He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition."

18) "The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason."

19) This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T - "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."

20) "Beware of the naked man who offers you his shirt."

21) In the midst of a verbal duel with Martin Crowe, "Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!"

22) Commenting on Saurav Ganguly after he was out for a low score in the 2nd Test against Zimbabwe: ".....Looks like a brooding hen over a china egg."

23) In the midst of a verbal duel with Tony Greig, "If ifs and buts were pots and pans, there would be no tinkers!"

24) When Ganguly took a catch that had gone very high in the air, "That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it!!"

25) "Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide."

26) In India's last match against New Zealand, "New Zealanders are like bicycles in a cycle stand - one falls down and the complete row will be down!"

27) "Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter."

28) "Taking the cake with a red cherry on top."

29) For Sri Lankan batsman Kaluwitharna, when he was wasting many balls, "He is like an Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!"

30) To Martin Crowe, "The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!"

31) Muralitharan bowling to the last Indian pair, "The wily fox is back. Its an ill omen when a fox licks its lambs."

32) Applauding Reetinder Singh Sodhi's fighting spirit, "Young Ricky will fight a rattlesnake and give him the first two bites!"

33) "The gap between bat and pad is so much that I would have driven a car through it.....!!"

34) This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was runout in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados. "Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

35) "The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea."

36) "Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two."

37) "The pitch is as dead as a dodo."

38) "You cannot make Omlets without breaking the eggs."

39) "The cat with gloves catches no mice."

40) "You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants."

41) "There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over."

42) "The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack."

43) "Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!"

44) "A hair on the head is worth two on the comb for you, my friend" (at Geoffery Boycott).

45) "Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm."

46) "Age has been a perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth."

47) Referring to Dinesh Mongia, who was like a reliable pony than Rahul Dravid who at that time, was more like an unreliable horse, on a television broadcast (11 July 2002), during a one day match with Sri Lanka in England. "It is better to ride a pony than a horse which throws you."

48) When Farooque Sheikh, host of the talk show "Jeena Isi Ka Naam Hai," on Zee TV, (17 June, 2004) asked Sidhu what he thinks of those who criticize his style of commentary, he replied, "The world is all about mind and matter; I don't mind and you don't matter."

49) "If one-day cricket was pyjama cricket, then Twenty20 is underwear cricket."

50) On Twenty20 cricket.....again, "This cricket is like a burger, you can have it once a week but for a whole meal, you need to return to Test cricket. More than once a week, and it will give you a tummy ache."

There is a saying, "Never judge a book by its cover," continuing in the same vein, "Never judge a man by his oneliners." Navjot Singh Sidhu, for long hailed as a motor mouth (he was earlier called a "strokeless wonder") has shown that he can put his money where his mouth is...!

Photograph: A photograph of Navjot Singh Sidhu.


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