'Classic' definition and 'Cool' meanings in new dictionary...!!

I found these 'classic' definition and 'cool' meanings of some everyday words and decided to share them on this blog. Read on and Smile.....its the weekend after all...!!!

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in a paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his Bachelor degree and a woman gains her Masters.

4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either."

6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he/she has got the biggest piece.

8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.

9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling which you have never felt before.

12. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist: A person who while falling from the Eiffel Tower says in midway, "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist: A person who says that 'O' is the last letter in the word 'ZERO', instead of the first letter in the word 'OPPORTUNITY'.

25. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father: A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence afterwards.

30. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by his pills, and kills you with his bills.

Photographs:

1) 'Creativity on top' - the picture shows 2 people smoking in a corner. The ceiling above is done up in such a manner that it gives the illusion of a grave - it sends a powerful message to all smokers. This print ad by Everest Brand Solutions (Mumbai) won the Bronze at Cannes Lions Ad Fest 2006.

2) A cartoon depicting an 'Office/Work scenario,' focusing on the thoughts of the Boss and employees - all in good humour!