Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Just for laughs!!

Humour is a good thing, especially a dose of it at the beginning or in the middle of the week is mostly welcome...! After all, "Laughter is the best medicine." We have heard of this expression time and again... it could probably be found inscribed on the tombs of the great Pharaohs as well!! For decades, researchers have explored how humour helps relieve stress and heal... Here are some stress busters.....

1. The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to condole with him after the attack on the Pentagon, "I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."

2. A Malayali female (from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post of a 'Secretary'. When the Manager saw her colourful attire, gold jewellery and well oiled, uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming, "NOT THIS WOMAN."

Nevertheless, he had to entertain her. So, he told her, "If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple and Black."

The enthusiastic lady thought for a while and then said, "I hear the phone 'Green, Green, Green', then I go and 'Pink' up the phone, I say 'Yellow'..... 'Blue's that? 'White' did you say? Aiye, Wrong number...... Don't 'Purplely' disturb people and don't call 'Black', yokeeyy? Thank you."

The Manager fainted.....

3. A man is taking a walk in the Central Park, in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the child's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers, 'Brave New Yorker saves the life of a little girl'."

The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"

- "Oh, then tomorrow's headline will be, 'Brave American saves the life of a little girl'," the policeman answers.

- "But I am not an American!" replies the man.

- "Oh, what are you then?" asks the policeman.

The man responds, "I am a Pakistani!"

The next day in the newspapers, the headline declared, "Extremist kills innocent American dog."

4. Aisa bhi nahin hai ke -
I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein,
No more disk space...!

5. Kal jab mile thhe to
Dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain
Your file not found!

6. Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,
Woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
Ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...!

7. Three men were asked what they would want to be said about them at their funerals.

The first one said, "I want someone to say I was a wonderful father."

The second man said, "I want someone to say I was the greatest baseball player ever."

The last man said, "I want someone to say, 'He’s moving, he’s moving'!"

8. At a party, one of Banta Singh's friends asked him, how many chappatis (Indian flat bread) he could eat in an empty stomach. Banta replied, "Seven."

His friend said, "When you eat the first chappati your stomach is no longer empty. Then, how can you eat seven??"

Banta was impressed by this tricky question.

As soon as he reached home he asked his wife, "How many chappatis can you eat in an empty stomach??" She replied, "Five."

Banta responded, "Oh No!! If only you had said seven... I had a nice reply for it."

9. One day a father called all his 6 children together and asked, "Now tell me, who has been the most obedient during the last week and did everything that mother asked?"

In one voice they all replied, "You, Daddy!"

10. A couple had three children. Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly, and retarded.

One day the hubby got suspicious and asked, "Tell me the truth, dear. Is this third child really mine?"

- "Yes, dear," replied the wife, "but the other two are not."

11. Santa Singh and Banta Singh were bitter enemies. Santa lived on the 1st and Banta on the 7th floor of the same building. One day the lift was out of order, and Banta decided to play a trick on Santa and therefore invited him to his house for dinner, at 7:30 pm. Santa - huffing and puffing - manages to reach the 7th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock on the door and a message, 'HA! HA! ULLU BANA DIA!'

At this, Santa gets very angry... he thinks a lot and finally writes his reply below Banta's message, 'MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'

12. Teacher: "Ellen, give me a sentence starting with 'I'."
Ellen: "I is..."
Teacher: "No, Ellen. Always say, 'I am'."
Ellen: "All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet'."

13. Teacher: "If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?"
Sasha: "A new bike."

14. Teacher: "If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
Vincent: "One dollar."
Teacher (sadly): "You don't know your arithmetic."
Vincent (sadly): "You don't know my father."

15. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

16. One day, little Sara is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. Suddenly she notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.

She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hair white, Mom?"

Her mother replies, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hair turns white."

Little Sara ponders over this revelation for a while and then asks, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hair are white?"

17. One day, Santa Singh goes to a bank to withdraw some cash. The cashier is a Gujarati lady with a typical Gujarati accent. When Santa's token number is announced, he goes to the cash counter.

The lady cashier asks him in hindi, "Mr. Singh, so so ke loge?"

Santa replies, "Khade Khade bhi chalega!"

18. A little boy at a wedding looks at his Mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this for a while, and then asks, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

Photographs: Cartoon strips from "Dilbert" - a satirical take on various everyday "work/office" and by extension "life" scenarios.

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