Thursday, May 14, 2009

Between the 'Eye'PL lines...!!!

IPL is the current flavour of the season. Therefore I am blogging about it... and you will get to read about the goings-on as seen through my eyes. Before I begin, let me share a piece of 'breaking news'... regarding blogs... it seems there are 33 million blogs (Whew!) already out there on the net, and their numbers are growing by the day... but most of these blogs have only 1 reader... the blogger himself... or herself. We all firmly believe in 'equal' opportunity, right?!! 33 million!!! Umm... and to think that until recently I thought that this figure indicated to about 10% of the number of Gods (as per the cynics who are totally unaware of the Hindu faith and want to take a dig)... or even referred to the 10% of the population of India - during independence!!

The IPL... though in its season 2, has come a long way and acquired quite a few names already... masala cricket, T-20, 20/20... 'I'PL (due to the presence of too many 'stars' and their 'starry tantraums')... 'Eye'PL (after the 'who-will-blink-first' standoff between the Indian govt. via P.Chidambaram and Lalit Modi re: the venue). But Cyrus Broacha - the host of the news satire show - "The Week That Wasn't", christened it as the 'Cricket I-Pill'. Ahem! Ahem! These IPL matches... in its very 2nd season... are being played in South Africa instead of India... due to the 'poll dance' currently underway in India. FYI. In future it may also become 'Toss-20'... 'toss karo aur ghar jao' (translated to: 'toss the coin and go home')... !!! Why not (?)... after 5 days of test cricket, came the 50/50... one-dayers or 50 overs cricket, then 20/20... 20 overs cricket... so quite logical, no?!!

While watching the matches I 'realized' the importance of our 'names'... the very essence of our identity. There are players with names like: Wilkin 'Mota' and Salman 'Butt' (a Pak cricketer... who played in the IPL season 1 for KKR). Imagine going through the journey of life with names like that?!! Not funny! There is also a certain 'Takawale'... but he does not 'own' the World Bank or any other bank for that matter. And an 'Umar Gul' - (Umar = age, Gul = lost... another Pak cricketer, who played in the IPL season 1 for KKR). Such a name (!)... despite the fact, that he was born on 15 October 1984 in Peshawar... !!! I also heard a certain 'Gam beer' being referred to by some 'firang' commentators... no, they were not speaking of beer or bear (those found in the jungles as well as in the stock markets)... but merely talking about our prolific run-scorer and current 'wall in the making'... the 'daring devil', Gautam Gambhir.

A few matches were decided via the D/L method... the 'Duckworth-Lewis method'. This rule should be included in all IQ tests henceforth. As of now, only 2 gentlemen in this entire planet can make sense of it... one is Mr. Frank Duckworth and the other is Mr. Tony Lewis. Such genius! By the way, both these gentlemen are English statisticians... and aren't we aware of the 3 kinds of lies to be found in this world bit... lies, damn lies and statistics?!!

The other day, actually the 12th of May... in the match between the 'Kings XI Punjab' and the 'Mumbai Indians'... Brett Lee was out for a paltry 8 runs (caught by Rohan Raje) in 12 balls (bowled by Malinga). No free hugs, for Lee... from Preity!!! At this rate, his 'Bollywood' dreams will go up in smoke. Why didn't anybody tell him that we Indians like our silver screen 'heroes' to be singing, dancing, fighting champs who can bash up goons twice their size, and come up tops in everything from thumb wrestling to painting... kabaddi and cricket included?!! Hero means... 'Herogiri'... right???

And this Lasith Malinga chappie... I hear is known as 'Slinga'. I think he should be called 'Stinga' instead. Given the 'venomous' power he unleashes while bowling, if the ball hits the batsmen... it is sure to 'sting'! On second thoughts... perhaps, he is called 'Slinga' 'coz he is 'capable' of making the opponent batsmen wear a 'sling'... not a designer one, though... those are for THE SRK!!! Right??

Well, Lee made amends by removing the 'dangerous'... his visible 'signs of prosperity' notwithstanding... Sanath Jayasuriya... who scored a 'paltry' 4 runs in 7 balls. Mota took a blinder of a catch... he had not left behind his '(k)night vision goggles', unlike the 'Kolkata Knight Riders'... or is that the Kolkata (K)nightmare Riders?!!

Faint hopes for a free hug there... for Lee... but that was soon dashed by Johnny Bravo... oops, Dwayne Bravo... who blasted 70 off 59 balls to 'power' the Mumb(h)ai Indians to an eight-wicket victory over the Kings XI Punjab. Dwayne's 'bravado' carried the day for Sachin 'Fortyone'dulkar and his 'Boyz II Men'! Even, Sunny Sohal's 43 failed to put the 'shine' back onto the Kings... and no 'radiant' dimpled smile on Ms Zinta's face either. Lull before the storm... perhaps. The team of Bombay er 'Mumbai Dyeing' gave the 'Kings XI Punjab' the 'blues'!!! 'Yuvraj' still has some way to go to become 'Maharaj'... Meanwhile, last heard Shaun Marsh was having marshmallows. Looks like the Ambassador for the Kings is, 'Dardi Rub Rub Kardi' Daler Mehndi... time to bring out the iodex folks!

I was still left with a nagging question. In all the IPL season 2 matches, I did not see a certain 'turbanator'... 'scratching his armpits' even once. Hmmm... wonder which brand of 'deo' he is using these days... perhaps 'Maa Ki Recipe'... !!! What say??? ... And Oh before I forget... the Brand Ambassador for the Mumbai Indians is Hrithik Roshan... "Dhoom Macha de...!"

Note: Info gathered courtesy Wikipedia. Cartoons courtesy:

IPL stands for the Indian Premier League.

There are no 33 million Gods in the Hindu faith, it is mere propaganda. Check this link for more info:

P.Chidambaram is the (reluctant) Home Minister in the current cabinet - Govt. of India.

Lalit Modi is the Chairman and Commissioner of the Indian Premier League, Chairman of Champions League and the Vice President of the BCCI, besides holding several other positions elsewhere.


Just a hilarious take on the IPL season 2... all in good humour, though. I assure you.


  1. IPL 1 IMO was wayyy better. I find IPL2 a bore!! Loved your special brand of humour and unique way with words!

  2. Thanks Rhett... for the review. Glad you liked it.

    Stay tuned!

  3. Hey have u ever tried ur hands at RJ-ing? I have a feeling u'll do really good!

  4. @ Kaddu: I am actually very philanthropically inclined... you see.

    Hence I would not like to add to the burgeoning number of unemployed or out-of-employment people already out there... !!! ;-)

  5. Interesting take on IPL! Cool :D

  6. @ Shilpa: Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it.