There is a lighter side of the current recession and I am glad to have 'discovered' it! Using humour to ride out the recession is certainly a good idea... what?!! It is good to see that several people can still laugh over what is putting creases on so many foreheads... including that of the current occupant of the most expensive piece of real estate in the US of A aka the whitest house in America... !!!
1. Messrs "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves" are now (being re-branded as) "Ali Baba and the Thirty Thieves"... because of ten lay-offs!
2. "Batman and Robin" are now "Batman and Pedro". Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate!
3. The only "deposits" being made on a Ferrari these days are those made by birds flying over them!
4. Iron man is now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs!
5. "Dow Jones" is re-branded as "Down Jones".
6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America's third biggest lender.
7. In Japan, the "Sumo Bank" has gone belly up.
8. A director decided to award a prize of $1000 for the best idea for saving the company money during the recession. It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to $100.
9. Money talks. Trouble is, it knows only one word - goodbye.
10. "Goodyear" is now re-branded as "Badyear". Perhaps even the "Good Day Biscuits" are now "Bad Day Biscuits"...!
11. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
12. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'... I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's... !
Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune? A: Start off with a large one.
Q: What's the "Capital" of Iceland? A: About 70 cents.
Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning? A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean dollar? A: In a few weeks... nothing.
Q: What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A: A bond matures.
Q: Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria? A: It is called the Warren buffet.
Q: What's the difference between America and Zimbabwe? A: Zimbabwe's paper money is on real paper.
Q: What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A: A tie!
Conversation between a broker and a customer: The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby.
- "Really?" replied the customer.
- "Absolutely," said the broker, "I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour."
Quote from a wall street banker: The recession is worse than a divorce. You lose half your fortune and still have your wife.
The Difference between Communism and Capitalism: In communism we nationalise the banks and then push them to bankruptcy. In capitalism we push the banks to bankruptcy and then nationalise them.
A priest, an autoworker, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a shipwreck. Sharks are soon circling around. The sharks eat the autoworker. The priest starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the sharks eat him as well. The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as a huge shark is coming for him. But, instead, (of eating him) the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and lets him off. Dumbfounded, the mortgage broker asks, "How come you didn't eat me too?" The shark replies, "Professional Courtesy!"
Courtesy Jay Leno:
1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. Its called the stock market.
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are?? "Wall Street" is now being called "Wal Mart Street".
3. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.
4. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar.
5. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures.
6. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21.
Note: Information gathered, courtesy: http://dhiram.spaces.live.com/, http://qualteam.tripod.com/qualteam/, http://www.funtoosh.com/dj.php?details=A10~1197, http://www.moneycontrol.com/india/messageboard/enter_reply.php?msg_id=3120409 and http://www.indiabroadband.net/jokes-humor/18832-recession-humour.html
Jay Leno: James Douglas Muir "Jay" Leno (born April 28, 1950) is an American stand-up comedian and television host. From 1992 to 2009, Leno was the host of NBC's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Beginning in fall 2009, Leno is scheduled to have a primetime talk show, tentatively titled The Jay Leno Show, which will air weeknights at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time, UTC-5), also on NBC... Courtesy: Wikipedia.
A picture depicting the lighter side of recession (cost cutting)... all in good humour. I assure you.