Saturday, June 13, 2009

Recession Humour... !!!



There is a lighter side of the current recession and I am glad to have 'discovered' it! Using humour to ride out the recession is certainly a good idea... what?!! It is good to see that several people can still laugh over what is putting creases on so many foreheads... including that of the current occupant of the most expensive piece of real estate in the US of A aka the whitest house in America... !!!

1. Messrs "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves" are now (being re-branded as) "Ali Baba and the Thirty Thieves"... because of ten lay-offs!
2. "Batman and Robin" are now "Batman and Pedro". Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate!
3. The only "deposits" being made on a Ferrari these days are those made by birds flying over them!
4. Iron man is now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs!
5. "Dow Jones" is re-branded as "Down Jones".
6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America's third biggest lender.
7. In Japan, the "Sumo Bank" has gone belly up.
8. A director decided to award a prize of $1000 for the best idea for saving the company money during the recession. It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to $100.
9. Money talks. Trouble is, it knows only one word - goodbye.
10. "Goodyear" is now re-branded as "Badyear". Perhaps even the "Good Day Biscuits" are now "Bad Day Biscuits"...!
11. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
12. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'... I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's... !


Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune? A: Start off with a large one.
Q: What's the "Capital" of Iceland? A: About 70 cents.
Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning? A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean dollar? A: In a few weeks... nothing.
Q: What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A: A bond matures.
Q: Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria? A: It is called the Warren buffet.
Q: What's the difference between America and Zimbabwe? A: Zimbabwe's paper money is on real paper.
Q: What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A: A tie!


Conversation between a broker and a customer: The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby.
- "Really?" replied the customer.
- "Absolutely," said the broker, "I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour."

Quote from a wall street banker: The recession is worse than a divorce. You lose half your fortune and still have your wife.

The Difference between Communism and Capitalism: In communism we nationalise the banks and then push them to bankruptcy. In capitalism we push the banks to bankruptcy and then nationalise them.


A priest, an autoworker, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a shipwreck. Sharks are soon circling around. The sharks eat the autoworker. The priest starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the sharks eat him as well. The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as a huge shark is coming for him. But, instead, (of eating him) the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and lets him off. Dumbfounded, the mortgage broker asks, "How come you didn't eat me too?" The shark replies, "Professional Courtesy!"


Courtesy Jay Leno:

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. Its called the stock market.
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are?? "Wall Street" is now being called "Wal Mart Street".
3. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.
4. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar.
5. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures.
6. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21.




Jay Leno: James Douglas Muir "Jay" Leno (born April 28, 1950) is an American stand-up comedian and television host. From 1992 to 2009, Leno was the host of NBC's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Beginning in fall 2009, Leno is scheduled to have a primetime talk show, tentatively titled The Jay Leno Show, which will air weeknights at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time, UTC-5), also on NBC... Courtesy: Wikipedia.

Photograph:

A picture depicting the lighter side of recession (cost cutting)... all in good humour. I assure you.

19 comments:

  1. Ha ha ha! Loved #2 and #8

    Btw, I used to like Jay Leno... somehow Conan O'brien is not the same! :(

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice collection of fun-facts!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks! Glad you liked it!

    We got to find humour in everyday things... 'recession' included... !!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. awesome, amazing ... the funniest thing i've read in ... more than a week ...

    ciao!!! u've been blog-rolled!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. @ Subhayan: Thanks for the review and welcome to my blog!

    Thanks a bunch... for blogrolling me...! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lol .... Good job in collecting them from different sources and you have come out with this post when people have started talking of the Recession ending sometime soon...hope they are right ....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Haha...nice collection.

    read this one somewhere...'you know you are in recession when you brag about your Apple at work and then go home and eat it!'

    ReplyDelete
  8. @ Dhiman: Lets all pray that the recession recedes sooner rather than later :)

    However, not everyone is optimistic... :(

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ thoughtsandviews: Thanks! :)

    Nice quote... and we must not forget: "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." Perhaps this too adds to the 'recession'... what?!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wonderful post and nice compilation. Loved it. It was worth my 30 mts on your site. Keep posting. Pizaa vs Investment bank is cool.

    ReplyDelete
  11. @ Vamshi Krishna: Thanks and welcome to my blog.

    Glad you liked it :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great compilation, gives a good taste of the international downturn scenario.

    Prateek
    via indiblogger

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks Prateek and welcome to my blog!

    ReplyDelete
  14. H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S.
    I was pretty down today due to reasons unknown and I accidentally stumbled upon your blog.
    The picture for this post made me read the rest and Presto!, I find myself in the suitable mood again!
    Great post, and no telling, I'm following your blog!

    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  15. @ Pawan: Thanks a bunch! Glad you liked it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. haha!
    really interesting post
    Recession is a thing which is in mind!
    so if finding humour in recession can solve lots of problems
    good u wrote such post

    ReplyDelete
  17. @ Manmeet: Thanks and welcome to my blog!

    Glad you liked it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Good job Roshmi

    a suggestion, lots of gadgets making the page load slower.
    As i wud like to spend more time in this blog... :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. @ Rice ladoo: Thank you for the suggestion and for stopping by my blog.

    Have removed a few of them... hope it helps...

    ReplyDelete