Saturday, June 5, 2010

Demo-crazy... !!!




Author's note: Do read "An Ode to... One year of UPA-II...!!!"

After ignoring 'yeh andar ki baat hai' for long... our Bollywood heros have taken to 'vested' interests... like an item song. Mahesh reminded me about the 3G auction... some missing facts, that is. At ease. Raja caused a loss of 1.9 lakh crores. Can anyone tell me... how many zeros?? It was all for the nation... which is our poly-tricians' playstation. India is a poor country... with some very rich people. Sometimes... we simply go and 'bray' at the temple! Simple! And no dimple! Corruption did you say? Mind you... you'll be cast(e) away. Arundhati Roy... is fast turning out to be such a killjoy. Wonder why she never says anything about Texas. What is the nexus?

It is the season of the mangoes. The quintessential 'mango-man'. No fan... we are likely to get a natural tan. Therefore, the 'aam' and the 'jaanta' are quite inseparable! At every injustice... out of fear... we tremble. As they say in namma Bengaluru... 'Namge yaake beku Ramayana'... ?? O saathi re... tere bina bhi kya jeena! Women should only wear sari. Swalpa adjust maadi!

Jaani, jinke ghar sheeshe ke hon, woh dusron par paththar nahi phenka karte. Hanste hanste kat jaye raste...

Tunak tun tana... Paanch rupaiya bara ana. Money hai... to honey hai! Sara saher mujhe loin ke naam se jaanta hai. Mere paas Maa hai. Toh kya hua? Mogambo khush hua...

The 'custodians' of Indian society... get very uppity. And 'sons-of-the-soil' legions... vow to 'uphold our ancient culture and traditions'. No rations. Together they make sure... this will endure. And that nobody will dare to cross the 'red lines'... and break the 'set boundaries'. Especially... anything in skirts, salwars and sarees. Still, if they 'dare'... they will be confronted with 'our ancient culture and traditions'... in the most barbaric and brutal manner. All is fair... in love and war. What love? This is 'war'. Hypocrisy galore? For sure!

Meanwhile... there is a collective amnesia about 'Swayamvar'. Hear! Hear!

No land ceiling. While... we call a cold-blooded, premeditated murder as 'honour killing'. Very, very telling...

Women... thirty and above... should forget about love. That path is not for them to tread... just make the daily bread. With younger men... they are 'cougars'. With older men... 'gold diggers'. Sniggers! As for the old men? All good Karma and Zen. Each one is just a harmless 'sugar daddy'. Gifting only soft toys and teddy. They need not be shy... for having a roving eye. Or for their hair dye! 'Budhi ghodi lal lagaam'... will sneer the 'jaanta aam'. Capsicum! While... 'Men will be Men'. Always ten on ten!

We are comfortable once 'lovers' ('dirty' word) who cross the 'red lines'... have safely met their maker. Boris 'Boom Boom' Becker. Then temples and shrines are built in their name. All very game. Shame? What shame...?? Paeans are written, songs are sung... and they are 'immortalized'. How very wise! Ranjha minus Heer. We just love kheer! We can't advertise for any liquor... even Beer. Oh dear! Rules are rules... and can't be broken. Then... just bend it like Beckham. It's only token. Well spoken!

'Nobel prizes' are few and far between... while 'No-bail prizes' are aplenty! Tainty-Tainty... not Twenty-Twenty! They leave no traces... in this country of pending court room cases. Out-of-court 'settlements'... is the mantra for our 'honourable' gents! Steal others' work for profit... and then sue them for... Copyright infringement! No saint... just whitewash and paint. Mosquitoes and lawyers? Peter England and John Players! No fancy flight... get ready for the chase. As the mosquito says: "I was already a bloodsucking parasite. All I needed was the briefcase." Lee-Hesh. All the noise and din? Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn!

We have the potential to be an IT-BT powerhouse. No cheese and no mouse. 'Yeh IT-YT kya hai'... says our netas. By jupiter! Did you say... its all very hazy... ?? No, no... just demo-crazy!

Mere desh ki dharti sona ugle... ugle heere moti. So, heavy demand for license number 'Four Twenty'! Then for... 'roti-kaapda-makaan' and 'bijli-sadak-paani'... where is the money... ??? Only Mona-Tony! Baap numbari, Beta Dus nambari. It's a privilege. No thank you... no sorry. Hawk, hawk! No action... all talk!

Kitne aadmi thay... phir bhi gayi bhains paani main. Lekin... Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi, namumkin hai. Senorita, bade bade deshon mein... aisi choti choti baatein... hoti rehti hai. After all... Dil Chhata hai! The heart is an umbrella... and we all love Cinderella!

Babumoshai... Chalti Ka Naam Gadi. Hurry! Hurry! Hum jaha pe khade ho jaate hein, line wahi se shuru hoti hai. Sigh! Ok Tata... Bye, Bye! Horn OK Please. Attention... Stand at ease! More cheese? Yes please!

No tension. Remember... "First impress-aan izz laast impress-aan". No Jashn, only Tashan. Tera kya hoga Kaalia? Aila! Juhi Chawla! No fire... only smoke. What a joke! No hosh... no josh. Khaaaamoshhh... !!!

Volcanic eruptions from 'Eyjafjallajökull' brought the world to a standstill. Jack and Jill... went up the hill. What a tongue-twister! Barnacles blister. Nope! Blistering Barnacles! Chuckles! Chuckles! Smoke and ash... all the way from Iceland... is not bland. In this 'Kali Yug' plus 'Jet Age'... the world is truly a global village. You bet! Well said!

The prices of rice and tur. Chashme Buddoor. Inflation? Jaane bhi do yaaron. Dekho mein le aaya... Paro. Wham baam! Traffic jam... but no shortage of egg-jam. Cell phone? Bring them on! No Bips... only John. Dostana? Professor J Dot Asthana. Munna Bhai... is not shy.

Gustakhi maaf... but Andaaz apna apna. In broad daylight... no 'seeing' sapna. The 'Sarkar' is in no danger. More than fiction... truth is stranger. Having breakfast for dinner... Baazigar is the clear winner. Chaku-Churi and Hera Pheri. Tumhara naam kya hai, Basanti?!! Emosional atyachaar? Vanakkam Saar! 'Chuck' de Railways to 'Chuck' de India... oops Bengal. You fool... it's Trinamool, Trinamool! In town... 'Didi' is the new toast. Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost! With a twist in the tale... Aal izz well... !!! Only oil's not well... and so is diesel!


(More later...)

Footnote:

Vanakkam = Namaste. Saar = Ji.

'Namge yaake beku Ramayana'... ?? = Why should we invite trouble?

The line... 'country of pending court room cases'... courtesy: Yayaver.

Note: The views expressed here are entirely in good humour and without malice.


Photographs:

Hilarious takes on the Political scenario - in India.

18 comments:

  1. You have said it all. What can one say after all this?The situation in the country is deplorable but we are blind to reality.
    At least I had never seen or heard of this level of corruption as in last 6 yrs of UPA.
    We can proudly say that the PM is an honest man. But, isnt the corruption visible to him?Why is he not reacting but goes on to present a report card?
    Unless we have a strong opposition, we must accept a govt which doesn't care.

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  2. "I was already a bloodsucking parasite. All I needed was the briefcase."
    Hypocrites rule...Don't they always?

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  3. Roshmi Madam, well done. You are in a rhythm to fuse UPA and brand India with your wittiness. All the point well said with geet mala in them. Quite innovative. And yes PM is not an honest man. An Austrian newspaperQ quotes: “If the Indian Prime Minister knows nothing about these scandals, he is ignorant of ground realities and does not deserve to be Prime Minister. If he does, is he a collaborator in crime?” And don't give courtesy because I quotes it first. Message is important, not the origin. Use , misuse or abuse it freely :)

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  4. Ha Ha Ha ! am coming to your blog after quite a long interval. I just enjoy your very intelligent, witty, sarcatic writing. Awesome !s

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  5. wow...
    the way your are consistent with quality is amazing...
    You just play with words...
    enjoyed it....
    Its like a dum ka biryani for me......feast...
    the way u slide and connect from one topic to another topic is simply awesome....
    wil be looking forward....

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  6. Hahaa! To add on to your list, Mamata finally ousting Left out of Bengal, and her victory over UPA with thhe DBI Enquiry shows what side our Government stands on - the side where votes are more! Did you hear about Javier Moro's book on Sonia Gandhi? Wonder usme aisa kya hai, that the Congress is opposing it that much! :-O
    Well written as usual! :)

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  7. @ BK Chowla: You're right Chowlaji!

    ... We are in the midst of ghor Kali Yug...

    We too are to blame... for things to have come to this. We are engulfed by the 'Namge yaake beku Ramayana'... syndrome (Its in Kannada... and means: Why should we invite trouble?)

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  8. @ Yayaver: I liked those words... and hence used them in this post. You deserve full credit :)

    As for the western world... their corruption is much more widespread... but the lid is too tightly closed... hence we do not get a whiff. Plus their infrastructure... is far ahead of us... and so does not catch the eye.

    ... We are in the midst of ghor 'Kali Yug'...

    We too are to blame... for things to have come to this. We are engulfed by the 'Namge yaake beku Ramayana'... syndrome (Its in Kannada... and means: Why should we invite trouble?)

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  9. @ Ved: Thanks much... and good to see you here...

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  10. @ Mahesh: "dum ka biryani"... Wow!!! You made my day!

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  11. @ Preeti: Thanks lady!!

    Well don't forget that in West Bengal the Congresswallahs are called 'Tarmuj'... 'coz the 'tarmuj' (watermelon) is red on the inside!

    As for 'Didi'... she is just the other side of the same coin...

    Javier Moro's book on Mrs G II... ??? You mean 'El Sari Rojo' (The Red Sari), which has already sold 230,000 copies... ???

    According to her lawyer and prominent Congress spokesman Abhishek Manu Shingvi.. there were a “huge list of distortions” including a passage describing how Hindu priests prevented Mrs Gandhi from attending her husband’s cremation.

    He also disputed a passage describing how, after her husband’s death, she “suddenly thought of fleeing this country that devours its children”.

    Hmmm. We have to wait and watch. Meanwhile have a look: http://www.javiermoro.com/images/pdf_sari/The_Red_Saree.pdf

    Mr Moro’s account, about to come out in English, dwells on her relatively modest upbringing in Italy before she met Rajiv Gandhi while studying in Cambridge and moved to India to be his wife in 1968.

    He was the son of Mrs G-I, then India’s Prime Minister, and grandson of Jawaharlal Nehru, India’s first Prime Minister. He succeeded his mother on her assassination in 1984, and was himself assassinated in 1991.

    “The premise is fabulous: how a woman whose only ambition in life was to be a housewife ended up ruling a country of one billion people,” Mr Moro said.

    Ms Gandhi, 63, is considered the power behind Manmohan Singh, the Prime Minister.

    “I still hope some clever guys with common sense will be able to see that this book is a boon for the Gandhis, the party, and especially for Sonia,” Mr Moro said.

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  12. hehe nice songs in between the serious stuff. Much like our bollywood movies. Are we seeing a directorial inclination here Ms. Roshmi? :)
    But hey, this reminded me of a wise saying I received from someone I traveled with in a train.

    He said, that in school, you have 3 groups of people. 1st being the really intelligent ones, 2nd the moderate ones and the 3rd regularly flunking ones. So the cycle goes that the 3rd group constantly asks the 2nd group for help, while the 2nd ones always follow the 1st. After 30 odd years, the 1st group become engineers, 2nd group becomes IAS officers and the 3rd ones become politicians. The cycle is then reversed :)

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  13. lol! hilarious!!! especially love the wordplay..

    gal reading ur blog took the weariness out of my long day!!! amazing!

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  14. LOL Roshmi, What a mix of humour while touching up all those demo crazy power hungry class of people who is doing the so called "serving the people" only to let them and their family amass more and more wealth.
    Roshmi's class on display here. waiting to read more.

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  15. @ Puneet: :D :D :D

    As they say: Zindagi hein khawab hein, Khawab hein tu manzilain hein, Manzelain hein tu rastay hein, Rastay hein tu mushkilein hein, Mushkilen hein tu jaanta-janardan kis leye hain?

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  16. @ Tangerine: Thanks Tangy! You made my day :)

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  17. @ subu: Thanks a bunch for the compliment Subu. You made my day too!

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