Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Methinks ... this one is Mushy-Immy-gate! (Part-II)

Author's note: You can read the 1st part here.

Then reports emerged: of hush-hush meetings in the dead of the night - to save precious daylight and keep the environment green, obviously. Gen. Pesha is said to have had several meetings with Mr. Immy Khan in the presence of the US(eful) Ambassador to Pak - Mr. Cameron Muncher.

Thereafter, Mr. Immy Khan thundered at a huge rally, of about 50k people (suspected to be facilitated by you-know-which "angels"), but made to be over 1 lakh people (according to starry-eyed and extremely generous estimates); but billed worldwide as equivalent to the 1986 homecoming-rally of Benazir Bhutto ... attended by millions. This "equivalent to Benazir Bhutto's homecoming-rally" has automatically "equaled" Mr. Immy Khan's "stature to that of Benazir Bhutto", according to several experts, analysts and media-wallahs, domestic and international, including the one possessing unimpeachable integrity, comrade Bariq Ali. And naturally, all this ... has undoubtedly underlined, sealed, and delivered Mr. Immy Khan's new-found "game changer" status.

Recently, another "game-changer" joined him - after losing his job to Birkin bagwati. But let's not digress.

Unknown to others, Immy Khan's new-found "stature" has also bestowed him with immense psychic powers; therefore he was able to "foresee" or "gain knowledge" about this 'secret memo' and the "brain" behind it, even before anyone, including the press-wallahs got wind of it; i.e. even before it was revealed to the press! But mind you, nothing more should be read into his subsequent act of talking loudly about the 'memo' (to Gen. Mike Melon), and even naming the "writer" of the 'memo' - Mr. Hussain Luckyani, at his "huge" rally, that turned him into "the game changer". The same psychic powers are responsible for his prior knowledge that "game changer II", the one elbowed out by Birkin bagwati, will join his party ... several days before the actual announcement. No daylight-saving involved here, only pure unadulterated psychic powers, wokey?

Though coincidentally coincidental, recently there was news of Mushy visiting the US(eful) Department of State and hiring an expensive lobbyist in the US of A; to liaison with various power brokers and king makers. Perhaps he was getting bored of lecturing and dispensing pearls of wisdom, and wants to smoke cigars and show his fist instead, and so, he once again wants to "save" his country.

Though the US(eful) Department of State denied the visit and called him a "private citizen", Mushy himself confirmed the bit about hiring a lobbyist.

Strangely, while Daring Thapar interviewed Immy Khan where he talked like the next PM of the 'land of the puree', Mushy was interviewed by Darling Dutt, herself of a certain "gate" fame. And here he indicated that he may return to his country earlier than 23rd march, 2012 - his stated timeline of return, to what else, but "save" his beloved nation from "corrupt" politicians. He now talks about delivering himself as the New Year gift to his countrymen, since they are unable to buy any themselves due to inflation and noise pollution; he will also bring along Chengiz Khan - in the form of a soft toy, according to some soothsayers.

Umm, Gen. Kayamat, Gen. Pesha and other domestic and international well wishers were instrumental in ensuring a "safe passage" along with a guard of honour for Mushy - and are seeing to his comforts and security too. They endorsed his views on: creating a mindset even before an investigation could begin, along with "authentic" tapes, sunroof-lever theory, disappearance of a certain dupatta, thorough cleansing of a certain vehicle, immediate hosing down of a certain site - that also washed away precious evidence, since "crows and vultures were circling overhead", uploading of dubious videos, plus much else. They have also seen to it that he remained untried.

So, they must have some "role" in mind for him still - they are yet to squeeze some more things out of him - willing and rootless that he is. It is easier to deal with someone like him than a popular leader and a popular party with deep roots among the people. But then, now the "popularity" bit is no problem at all - since Immy Khan with his "hugely attended rallies and popularity" (according to international polls) - will take care of that. After all, he now has a stature "equivalent to Benazir Bhutto"! So silly of me, how can I forget! [Note to self: I must stock up on Brainolia].

Btw, let me tell you, this "miracle" was not achieved in a day. No sir! It required a lot of "hard work". Books had to be written. Yes sir, books! Just as when the once "heroic and holy fighters" had to be given a complete makeover, books were the preferred way; including one penned by the author who shares one half of his name with our Bollywood shirtless thunder. There were/are others too: Bariq Ali, Hatrick Frenchman, Billy D, Decline Walsh, an aged turbanator, and a famous niece, among others; books, op-ed pieces, columns, articles, commentaries, media appearances, the works ... have been taken care of.

Let's step back a bit.

Two-and-half years ago, a biography of Immy Khan appeared. Nothing wrong with it's appearance; just that, wonder how many people would have been keen to read a book on Immy Khan of all people. Nevertheless, it claimed of a "roaring affair" between Immy Khan and Benazir Bhutto during their student days at Oxford University. Even of a "close sexual relationship" for two months at least, and a supposed attempt by his mother to "arrange a marriage" between them - all this without a shred of evidence! Strangely, it was these very pieces that made it to every media and communication outlet all over the world.

Predictably, it fell flat - being the heights or lows (whichever you may call it) of purple journalism, with folks dismissing it as a cheap marketing ploy to market the new biography of Immy Khan.

Jemmy Khan would have been devastated though. Had the people, I mean readers and viewers fell for it, she would have played the "martyr" to the hilt, glycerin and all; not unlike her once-best-friend, a now deceased princess. Then she might have been dubbed as the "new princess you-know-who", a la how the now-famous niece is being touted as "the new Daughter of the East".

A few months ago, another biography appeared, this time penned by an Indian author who writes under a phoren-sounding pseudonym. In that, Immy Khan "denied" rather "pooh poohed" suggestions of any "affair with Benazir". Again without a shred of evidence! Never mind who made that "suggestion" in the first place, but this bit too made it everywhere, around the world, yet again!! Nobody believes it, but purpose is served, na? Public-city tau baj gai!

These were followed recently by Immy Khan's own official biography dubbed as a "personal history"; one that suspiciously appears to be a much-laboured or contrived effort to somehow resemble, echo or be on the same lines as that of Benazir Bhutto's last book, titled: "Reconciliation".

And: since a documentary on the late PM's life took a bow at the prestigious Sundance Film Festival in 2010, and has since won some awards; can craggy winter be far behind? And sure enough, a film on Immy Khan's life titled "Kaptaan(i)" is now under production. 'It explores the experiences of a man who dedicates his life to his country while also struggling with personal and spiritual anguish.'


Immy Khan himself was of course reluctant at first and claimed that it was more important to focus on other aspects of the country, but the filmmaker's persistence finally paid off in ultimately convincing him, just like those biographers' enthusiasm had paid off earlier, wokey? Don't read too much into it.

All this while a now famous niece was/is busy buzzing all over the globe, wherever it matters that is, with her "must read" book.

And then ... along came the 'secret memo'.

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

She is quite a prolific parroter, err... author. The famous niece, I tell you. Her next book is regarding a city that is solely responsible for British Telecom's profits in this part of the world. Anyone who is clued into the goings-on in the 'land of the puree' should be aware of/be able to guess the stuff that would be resting within it's pages. And it would undoubtedly go on to become yet another "must read" book, no prizes for guessing.

Incidentally, the folks whose talk time ensures British Telecom's profits are close to Mushy, having been infused with life (after being in danger of rigor mortis earlier), during his moderately-enlightening reign, apart from community feeling, of course. Umm, w.r.t the 'memo', a joint venture or a partial gurudakshina cannot be ruled out. Also Mushy wants to land in British Telecom-land - when he arrives back to "save" the nation from "krupt politicians". And since the folks responsible for BT's profits ensure large gatherings periodically, where even crows and pigeons do not dare to "white wash", Mushy can assure himself of a grand reception minus any fireworks. Plus, Immy and BT talk-time-wallahs seem to be quite pally these days. So a multi-venture cannot be ruled out too.

Who are the puppeteers and who the puppets, it is not difficult to decipher. And once you connect the dots you will know who are working together for which common goal, which are the scriptwriters and who the choreographers of this magnum opus con. Frankly, now that that well-known-yet-trying-hard-to-be-latent pie-in-the-sky Ponzi scheme that walks on two legs, and goes by the name of Immy Khan has been trotted out, err... floated, it is not rocket science to figure out what that magnum opus con is all about. I rest my case.

Btw, this Mushy-Immy team works perfectly. Mushy has the "expertise and experience" while Immy brings on the "popularity". Plus Mushy at 68 and Immy at 59 - not much of a generation gap there, but it is a nice insurance against any "natural calamities". What?

Note: It is being stated that Immy Khan has finally "arrived" after 16 years of "struggle" and being in the wilderness, since he did not "inherit a legacy like Benazir did". But why was he on every media outlet parroting his pearls of wisdom against a certain personality in 1996 and 2007, then? Why were his words and views (along with a certain fiery niece's) given so much importance (by analysts, think tanks, press and media; domestic and international) and touted all over, if he was someone in the wilderness then and has "arrived" only now? Good questions, no answer.

He made his due appearance in the "title role" during some events in 1999 and 2002. He is "active" at other times too, but usually in side roles: cameos and guest appearances. "Title roles" have been four in the past 16 years: 1996, 1999, 2002, 2007 and currently as well, so that makes it five; or four-and-a-half, if you may. But what was the plan and what was achieved during those previous four starring-roles ... a closer look can easily decipher.

Come to think of it, his casting in the "title role" of a "saviour" has happened twice before (
in 1996 and 2007), apart from the current one, that is. Take a closer look and you'll know what his "role" required him to do then, what he did, and what was the outcome.

Btw, in his 1996 "title role" - he blamed someone for using mineral water for everything, while her husband fed his 40 horses with jam, jelly, marmalade, ice cream and milk shake; this while the poor people went to sleep empty stomach.

I kid you not!

My only regret is that: in all my life I am yet to see even a single horse that eats: jam, jelly, marmalade, ice cream and milk shake. But let's not digress.

The media - domestic and international, immediately caught on and feverishly relayed those "gems", and in the process also turned Immy Khan into an "Oxford-educated, legendary, handsome and dashing Pathan Prince". While the BeeBeeC ran a program titled: "The Princess and the Playboy", directed at you-know-who.

So, while Immy Khan was a charismatic, charming lady-killer, a successful man-about-town, on whom women threw themselves and who made them swoon; the husband who apparently had 40 horses feeding on jam, jelly, marmalade, ice cream and milk shake was a "playboy" and "so-and-so's 'horse-mad' husband", without a shred of evidence, yet again.

In 2002, when Mushy held yet another one of the 'land of the puree's' "free and fair elections", Immy Khan was allowed to participate, since he held a third-class degree from Oxford University. While a certain lady who apparently used mineral water for everything and thus 'increased the gulf between the rich and the poor' was barred and declared a non-graduate, 'coz she possessed a first-class degree from the same university! The domestic and international media, etc was quick to dub her as a "non-graduate" too.

I kid you not!!

No wonder, the state of education in that sorry mess of a country is sooo brilliant. They think that a first-class degree being only "1" is lesser than a third-class degree, since it is greater than "1". More precisely: since it is "1" then "2" and only then "3", therefore, undoubtedly 3 is greater than 1 !!!

And oh, before I forget (since I have run out of Brainolia) - Mr. Immy Khan does not believe in Darwin's theory of evolution; 'coz he thinks that the one and only Almighty - the one he shares a steady hot-line with - created two types of humans. One was 'Insaan' and the other 'Pathan'!

I kid you not!!!

(More later…)

Picture: Courtesy link.

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