Sunday, May 24, 2009

IPL Mantra: "Bill u bar bar"... !!!

Author's note: Read my earlier take on the IPL season 2: here.

The annual spectacle has almost come to an end... I am referring to the IPL season 2nd. We now know who are placed where... on the roster. Who came out on tops... and who are at the bottom... or rather, topped from the bottom... !!! The top and bottom performers... are all charmers. Well, thats a 'thumbs up' and a 'bottoms up'... while the top two teams are 'warming up'! The battle for the 'pole' position... in style... will be on... in a while. When it all ends, ... many will 'feel' the withdrawal symptoms... my friends!

No more fairytales... for the 'Rajasthan Royals'. This time two wily foxes... two old war horses... both retired... but not tired... two seasoned campaigners led their teams into the finals. They take on each other, today... on a sunday... this promises to be a fun day. Both these teams held the last 2 positions in season 1... and the top 2 in this one! Hope springs eternal for the 'KKR' and the 'Mumbai Indians'! Fine... there is always a next time!

There were a few 'stars'... but thankfully no 'wars'... and I really feel sorry for the KKRs. I mean they had to lose... planning was of no use. The fault was in their numerology... and the naming team owes them an apology. How could they miss out on the most 'important' fact... that their owner, the King Khan was a class act... ??? He has his own distinctive style... and he has been around for a while. How could they name the team... 'KKR'... the 'Kolkata Knight Riders'... ??? No wonder... they got some serious (k)nightmares. How could they not know that the Khan said: "K.. K.. K.. K.. Kiran"... and became a 'Baazigar'. Therefore, he cannot have a team called the 'KKR'. It should have been the KKKK KKRs... the 'K..K..K..K.. Kolkata Knight Riders'!!! Then they would have won all the cricket wars! Even the 'laptop' could not trace the 'error'. Strange! Its time for some 'revenge'...

But the Khan is smart... and won't retire hurt. There is nothing he 'khan't do... he just does not bat, but can pull a rabbit or two out of the hat. His 'hard-sell' is simply a 'no-fail'. His is the richest team inspite of finishing at the bottom... while he goes a tomtom. A la 'Om Shanti Om'! He is a free bird with no 'Karz'... !!! Koi Harj??? The sponsors pay the bill... even while all is very quite and still... on the field. Lack of 'action' does not invoke a 'sanction'... or even a 'reaction'... a la "every 'action' has an 'equal' and 'opposite' 'reaction'". The Khan says simply, with a smile very dimply: 'Aare Yaar! Bill u bar bar'... !!! This Khan 'won' inspite of 'losing'... he is not called the 'Baazigar' for nothing. There are no dearth of 'sponsors'... Yes Sirs!

One major link, they failed to notice. Tsk! Tsk! They went with "Na kiya"... written on their chest... and lived up to 'the name' and gave their very best. You see, no fault... they were true to their salt. But, they should have brought in a certain girl, who says: "Utterly Butterly Delicious"... as one of their main sponsors! With their "butter-fingers" they dropped many a dolly... mind you, not their folly. Their fingers were covered with the melted "Utterly Butterly Delicious" butter... so, how could they do any better??? Ummm... may be there is a "KKR Brand Butter"... a new 'business venture' in the making. Would be a hit and provide some much-needed 'adventure' while 'eating'. After all, the taste of the butter is in the (finger) licking... !!!

The 'Four-captain theory' fell flat... even before it took off... how could people scoff... ??? It was a stroke of sheer genius... wonder what was all the fuss??? Buchanan had too much chicken tikka and curry and therefore had lots to worry. He had not thought... "too many cooks spoil the broth"... ! Buchanan aka 'bookha naan'... as per the 'fake IPL player'... who tried his hand as a 'reputation slayer'. There are talks that he'll get the sack and won't for season 3 be back. Instead Steve Waugh... may get to inspire some 'awe'. Waugh Bhai! Waugh!

It seems, 'KKR' may bid 'Tata' to Kolkata and move to Ahmedabad. Too bad! Is it the 'Mamata effect'... or some other 'defect'.. (?)... can't say for sure... and any 'resemblance' is purely by 'coincidence'.

Lets move on to the 'RR Express'... which got derailed and failed to impress. Shilpa had crooned, "Mein aayi hoon UP Bihar lootne" in 'Shool'. 'Lal'-train and 'haathi' had laughed and said: 'Heh! Heh! What a fool'... !!! 'Ha! Ha! With us here, that'll be a shame'... !!! This is the same Shilpa of the "Shut Up and bounce" fame.

Then Shilpa went to 'Raj(kundra)asthan'... to set up her newest 'firm'. She brought in the missing 'glamour-shammer'... and thought that the other teams will now get the 'hammer'. The until recently 'contractless' 'Shetty'... 'set(her)eye' on the IPL trophy. She doled out 'contracts' galore... as if there was no tomorrow. And also shared her 'mantra' to 'trounce'...the foe. It was very simple: Just "Bounce Baby, Bounce"... By Jove!!! Like her... there is no other... she has been smiled upon by the good(y) 'Big Brother'. Name and fame she did get... on the wings of a kind of 'hate'... well, that is called 'fate'! 'Lady Luck' was not so kind... and the RR were in a bind!

The 'Sheikh of Tweak' got a peek... of too much 'fine leg'... what the heck! He failed to warn(e) the opposition... and flopped in his 'mission'. Many a times that whirlwind called Yusuf... managed to put their opponents in a soup. Their 'cheerleaders' should have been paid more... for all the 'hoola' minus the 'hoop'! The young 'Kamran'... ran through the opposition and gave away very 'kum runs'! Why the 'Skipper' did not play Smith... will remain a myth. Warn(e)ing times ahead... all got to put together their heads. That was a serious blow... 'bump ahead, drive slow'. The 'Captain' with the 'Aussie twang'... missed out on the 'yin' and 'yan' and the 'cheers' soon turned to 'jeers'. Thankfully, no tears! He remained the 'Sheikh of tweak' and did not turn into a 'histrionic geek'... !!!

Shilpa Shetty continued her 'raj'... and was treated like royalty. The 'King'fisher too has a stake... its true, not fake. Even the 'Raj'... minus the 'Taj'.

Still the 'royals'... became the 'commoners'... and lost to the very mediocre... KKR. They were 'fitted' with the 'Jaipur foot' this time around... so, failed to shoot and scoot... and managed to 'shoot themselves in the foot'. The 'coach' too seemed a bit 'out of touch'... !!! Too much of "Halla Bol"... finally took its toll.

For want of a 'shoe', the 'horse' was lost, for want of a horse the 'kingdom' was lost. Now, we all await the next 'toss'... !!! Yes Boss!


Some info gathered courtesy: Wikipedia. Cartoons courtesy:

IPL stands for the Indian Premier League.


Some hilarious takes on the IPL season 2... all in good humour, though. I assure you :)


  1. ROTFL @ "the 'K..K..K..K.. Kolkata Knight Riders'!!!" =))

  2. :)

    Thats how the team should have been named... really! :P