From being (sarcastically) referred to as the 'Ulta Pulta Alliance'… to 'thats the way UPA'… 'Mamma Mia' has once again 'shown' her proven 'poll dancing' skills as well as her 'Haath ki saafai'. This is a game of 'poll-i-tricks'... my friends! Now, all the sephologists and political pundits have suddenly become 'health freaks'. They are now engaged in denial 'exercise' - doing 'somersaults', furiously taking 'U-turns', apart from doing a very special 'asana'... day in and day out… 'putting their foot in their mouth'. They have also been 'advised' to take a big pinch of salt… to cover any more fault, even by default....
NDTV, Times NOW and CNN IBN... all thought it would be the Behen... Haan ji... but 'Lady luck' said "Naa ji." Haathi roya... Barkha boli: "Ki hoya?" Haathi bola: "Rulake gaya sapna mera"!!!
They said, the opposite of 'Progress' is... 'Congress'. No great shakes... said Manmohan... only high stakes.
Aroon Purie is busy promoting a bird called 'Koel Purie'. Times NOW is trying hard... to be the Numero Uno Bard. Arnab said: "Mera number kab aayega...???" Rajdeep bola: "Tab aayega... jab hum jayega!" Arnab bola: "Jab We Met???" Then Pranoy replied: "This is not cricket... !!!"
Many, including prime mini-stars as well as cheap... oops chief ministers met their 'sole-mates'. While some received their 15 minutes of fame... others were 'caste' away! The 'tide' was strong... so, nobody to blame. Some had no faith in their 'birth stars' and brought in 'film stars' instead... to try their luck at the hustings. These days the 'film stars' are short on both luck and magic... and all went for a six! Or 'out for a duck'... (?) Well, take your pick... !
Shekhar ne TV pe bahut poll khola... but fell to the 'Shotgun'... Ooh La La! Or maybe the people voted for a Suman instead of a Shekhar... Ummm, bad P.J. Sidhuism topped while Khanna flopped. 'Boss' missed the bullseye by miles... and a Reddy was all smiles. Jaswant missed the 'sonshine'... as there was a cloudy sky.
Lok Janshakti... missed out on "Taan ki Shakti, mann ki Shakti" and fell flat. The DMK had a 'cake walk' and will have it and eat it too... the 'cake' that is... since both the 'son' and the 'sun' have risen! A Deve and a Swamy are not sounding funny... they are trying to be a part of 'Delhi Belly'...
Elsewhere, a certain P.C. played a P.J. on a 'revered' Amma… who refused to say 'Mamma Mia'. And a few numbers got 'crunched'…'Yeh andar ki baat hai'… !!!
Mallika Sarabhai discovered... this was the 'Dance of Democracy' and she was on the wrong stage... and the 'wrong' Mallika as well... so had to fail. While Varun's 'Pill became a hit'...
After the 'sonrise'... Maneka yelled 'Eureka'... in her 2nd attempt... but nevertheless, a pretty picture she did present.
Sab ne kaha: "Chal, chal, chal, mere haathi, O mere sathi, Chal le chal khataaraa khiinch ke." Haathi bola: "Chal yaar, dhakkaa maar, baand hai motar kaar".......
The 'Haathi' decided... enough is enough! It has too long a name… which changes the game... and settled for the 'Haath' ... all the same. No time for cherry picking! Haathis don't eat cherries, silly!!! So, the 'Mayajal' failed to catch the big fish... and settled for the small fry instead. It received a 'whitewash' from the 'Haath ki saafai'… and became a 'white elephant' in no time... !!! This is one clever 'Haathi'... I tell you! It felt, 'Haathi Mere Saathi' was out of tune and decided to go with the times... and realized that the 'Haath ke Saath'... was the best path.
In the fight between 'Cholbe Na' and 'Cholbe Nano'... the former won... and 'Didi' bid 'Tata' to 'Buddha'...
'Lal'-uji is going 'red' in the face while the 'Red' fort crumbled... and Prakash's Karat(e) chops failed to impress! The 'Lal train' has derailed... 'Lal'-uji zara dheere chalo.....
Amar is trying to make things 'Mulayam'... but 'King Cong' is playing rough and tough... !!!
There was a 'pawar failure' too... which prompted an emergency landing... which is immensely better than crash landing... !! There... no 'pawar play'! Hmmm... too much 'Left' do not make a 'Right'... !!!
A certain Sena 'retired hurt'... while a 'Reddy' is ever ready... for another 5 years... you see!
The 'Rampur Ki Kali' khil gayi and an 'Azam' had a bout of 'bad hazam'. The 'young at heart', Navin had a handsome win... while 'Nitish' made delicious mince meat.
The 'Babalog' may want to make their presence felt... but the 'Dadalog' are not done yet...
Meanwhile… Mr. Advani has finally understood the meaning of the 'van' in his name and preparing for his (political) 'vanaprastha'. Things are yet to be 'Modi'fied... in the lotus lane... which now does not have A'tall' leader to restore their (lost) glory and fame...
Government by remote control... ??? Its simple... one only needs a dimple!
The sensex has 'poll vaulted' to a record high... with the India Inc too giving a thumbs up. Time for all to 'sup' (together) and sort out the 'berth' pangs. Then on a 'good day' all will gather to sing(h) "Happy Berthday"... !!!
The 3rd and 4th Fronts... hardly pulled any stunts. They and the NDA proved to be a 'NPA'... 'Non Performing Asset'. Thats the way... Mahiway... Oh, sorry, ... UPA(WAY)... !
Then, Lady Luck smiled and said "Jai Ho"... "Aagle paanch saal tum hi raho."
Time for another 'High Five'... ! We know our Man(mohan) of the moment. FINALLY... "Singh is King! Singh is King! Singh is King"... !!!
Note: The views expressed here are entirely in good humour and without malice.
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Hilarious takes on the Poll 2009 - in India.
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Roshmi, you're brilliant! Not too many people can combine sharp analytics with caustic wit and generate a piece that's so amazingly funny, and so brilliantly accurate.
ReplyDeleteThanks! :)
ReplyDeleteBut the real fun is about to begin... given the 'berth pangs'... perhaps I'll do a post on that as well.
A funny, light hearted article. Nice play on words! Keep it up! Makes for some fun filled to the brim sort of reading. Good that we have a stable government.
ReplyDelete@ Rajdeep... Thanks a bunch!
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it. I have written a kind of sequel to it too... titled "Poll-i-nation"...