Wednesday, June 23, 2010

One year ago/ Poll-i-nation... !!!

Author's note: Do read "An Ode to... One year of UPA-II...!!!";

The dimpled Prince has just turned forty... yet is not naughty! Or haughty. But is certainly haute! Couture... not coterie! This is the icing on the cake... on top of which is a red cherry! Singh is still the King... and not President Bling Bling. I meant Sarkozy silly. Not Billy. Even if their knees... turn to jelly beans. Voices across the seven seas... Attention, Stand at ease! Anderson is not well en'Dow'ed... yet too many cooks spoilt the broth! One of our many 'experiments with truth'. You see... tortoises can't scoot. The French have kissed the 2010 Football World Cup... goodbye. Let us give it a try. Through Italy... you silly! They too can celebrate our victories in cricket... that'll make it an even wicket. Meanwhile L'affaire L. Modi... has taken a back seat. That's what the Japanese call JIT - Just in Time. Pantomime.

Flashback/One year ago:

Polling over and the results declared... it was time for some 'poll-i-nation'. During the polls the whole country held its collective breath... and awaited the verdict with bated breath. Everyone heaved a sigh of relief... while the vanquished had a look of utter disbelief. Even astrologers and soothsayers refused to bite the (hefty) baits... they did not want a loss of face. Or maybe did not want to end up with egg on their face! Not yours truly though, I felt that the UPA will cross 250... and cruise to safety! But, I am neither an astrologer nor a soothsayer... just a citizen mere. After 'Singh is King'... it was time for some 'poll-i-nation'... not 'aaya ram gaya ram'. We are all 'politically correct', 'polite' beings, inspite of being janta-aam... !

In the tussle between "Jai Ho" and "Bhay Ho"... "Jai Ho" came out tops. Perhaps, the NDA poll managers had not heard of the "Pandora's box". Once the box was opened everything flew (mind you I did not say 'flu') away... leaving behind "hope". Since then... "umeed pe duniya qayam hai". Therefore, no 'bhay'... only 'Jai'. No one likes to vote out of fear or for negative messages... this has been stated by all the wise sages... through the ages. People vote for 'hope', not 'doom'... certain folks need to understand this... soon.

Games of 'ruthna-manana', 'katti-mitti', 'running around in circles' and 'musical chairs' went on... and on and on. There were some birds with ruffled feathers... and some 'fair weathered' ones at that. But then... so what...?? 'Birds of a feather flock together'... !!! They can talk about the weather... much later.

From being branded as 'weak'... the Sardarji took his oath of office for the 2nd time on 22nd May - the 4th 'week'. Our man(mohan) had his swearing in... along with 19 of his initial team. The next round was held on May 26th... a tuesday... a mangalvaar. Isn't it: "Jai Ho... Mangalmay ho"... ?!! Aur aagle paanch saal tum hi raho... ! During the swearing-in many were seen contemplating... on what could have been...

Post poll juggling and many a haggling... took place in the days that followed... with many an inch surrendered and pride swallowed. 'Poll-i-tics' certainly makes for many a strange bed-fellow! This one has resulted in a multi-party 'coalition' rainbow... !!! Both UPA and NDA agreed on one point though... that the 3rd and 4th fronts were non-existent. This is called: "Unity in diversity"... and is the beauty of (the largest) democracy.

Some were feeling shy while others were eating humble pie. It was also time to sort out the 'berth' problems... and to decide who will be at the helm. There were 'berth control' talks as well... this one could not fail..!

The DMK said: "Kya hua tera wada... woh kasam woh irada". King Cong replied: "Hum bewafaa hargiz na thhe... par hum wafa kar na saake". Then judging that the lyrics would not suit the occasion... felt it was prudent to go with the song: "Ruthe huye yaar ko manana chahiye". Later on, King Cong sang in a voice very sing(h) song: "Ruth na jana"... "Dekho rutha na karo". In the end... both ran around the trees sing(h)ing: "Tunak tun ta naa... O saathi re, tere bina bhi kya jeena"...

Meanwhile, after having the proverbial egg dripping down their faces, Karat, Yechury, Lalu, Paswan, Mulayam and gang... have understood the funda of the golden words: "Sunday ho ya Monday... roz khao ande" and that everyday is not a 'sunday'... !! Kabhi Kabhi it also becomes 'dande'.

'Mayajal-wati' is on a sacking spree... sab 'maya' hai! Aaj hai to kaal nahi hai.

Some were on an ego trip, others were tripping over themselves while a 'Prince Charming' was contemplating, "To be or not to be"...

A few were hit by a thunderbolt. A 'bolt from the blue'... and I am not referring to Usain bolt... mind you. Too much target practice proved to be a bane for an Arjun... while a Hans Raj had stuck his long neck out too far. Otherwise... its family time folks... no joke.

A few had to face the 'alt+cntrl+del' while others managed to 'seal it'. It was all very bittersweet. A certain Farooq was briefly out of the good book... and went off to watch the IPL in a huff. He was asked to please come back and then sab kuch maaf... "Aa bhi jaa, aa bhi jaa, ae Farooq aa bhi jaa"...

Advaniji is suffering from the 'blues' these days... and sing(h)s in a mournful tune... "Tu ne O rangeelee kaisa jadu kiya"... and ends with the inevitable... "Dil(li) ka bhramar kare pukaar"...

The DMK family 'soap opera' was fast turning out to be a 'sop opera'... the more the merrier. The 'sop' that is... and not the soap. The chubby Azhagiri was sent off to Delhi... to look after chemistry and other fertile issues... while the lean and mean Stalin became the Yuvraj. No haarj..! Even the grandnephew... Phew! Daughter Kanimozhi too will get... at a later date. The Congress matriarch has shown a lot of 'karuna' to the DMK patriarch. Seedhi baat. Thankfully he only married thrice... else they would have had to pay an even higher price. For their support, silly! That doesn't come for free.

Baalu was sent on a forced vanvaas... without too much fuss. Strange things happen in this 'kali-yug'... even Ministries lay eggs... ! The Communications ministry was in danger of splitting into two or even three. Telecom and postal, and information technology. Just to accommodate an upset ally. Afterall, they want to be pally. The surface transport and shipping ministry too was to be redesigned and undergo a similar bifurcation. All in the interests of the nation. Singhji did not want a certain Raja... but then relented and said: Aare Raja... aaja, aaja, aaja, tu band baaja leke aaja.

The current count is at 79... and may reach a century. Yippie! Under one roof you have... dadalog, babalog and a baby. That is Agatha Sangma, you see... just like a happy family... ! In the Parliament one can also find some famous 'bards'... who have won the (No)bail award... !!!

Some may get to be Governors... in their twilight years. No fears. Others get an ego massage... as a rite of passage... to a ministry... to make their grand entry. Didi got the railways and will run it from fort Kolkata... no big deal, its just a small matter. Even a certain Patil renowned for his sartorial elegance... may be given a gubernatorial position... where he'll get ample opportunity to display his... well, what else... but his sartorial elegance... !

Finally, we have in place a ministry... to run the affairs of this country... the world's largest democracy. Smoothly and in peace... ?? Can't say... lets see. India is a land of many surprises... even the meaning of 'giving the finger'... has now changed forever. If only Chappel had known... there would have been no contention and no bone!

Note: The views expressed here are entirely in good humour and without malice.


Hilarious takes on the pre-poll and post-poll scenarios - 2009 - in India.


  1. The situation in the country is in a mess. PM is never heard-SG never talks--RG is seen only in Dalit homes.
    What about governance?

  2. Now its my turn...

    How do you make it every time you write...???

    I have to take a leaf from you regarding the comprehensiveness and analysis in your posts...

    Country...? are we a country or a sub continent ?

  3. I do not agree with BK sir, with all due respect, we now need three bullets to save the country. Lets see who fires them.

  4. "Kya hua tera waada??" Haahaa!! :D
    SUper stuff you write! Even your selection of illustrations is SO cool! :)

  5. this was as much a bold political statement as it was an insane laughter riot. loved it :D

  6. Wonderful analysis. But after reading your views I am a worried old man now. Born in British India, seen the relentless fight for freedom, now wonder what for we fought. There is no way out, we are in a big mess, not even East India Company will dare to return. Jai Hind

  7. Poli"trickal" accommodation for hanging on in power. Superbly presented Roshmi.
    A small award for your beautiful blogging -

  8. i was busy with lot of activities. i missed a lot...i appreciate your sense of humour! "poll-i-nation" is simply GREAT!!!

  9. @ BK Chowla: Well Chowlaji... I think the rot lies much more deeper than that...

  10. @ Mahesh: We are a country alright!

    Once upon a time... we were at the pinnacle of everything... with a far bigger land area. Now... we have shrunk... in every sense of the word...

  11. @ Sid 'Ravan' Kabe: Well my friend... there is no 'quick-fix solution'...

  12. @ Subhayan: Good to see you here... and glad to know you enjoyed this post...

  13. @ Brahmanyan: Welcome to my blog Sir.

    Glad to know you liked this post...

    "not even East India Company will dare to return."

    Did they ever leave???

    ... and we got our so-called "independence" on a day decided arbitrarily by Mountbatten...

  14. @ subu: Thanks Subu... glad to know you liked it.

    P.S. Overjoyed on receiving the award. You made my day!!!

  15. @ Indira Mukerjee: Thanks a bunch and welcome to my blog :)

    Hope to see you here more often...

  16. Seriously...Our political scene resembles a circus... When will we see a strong PM again? Bhay ho indeed...Tsk Tsk and Lol!

  17. Democracy is the boon and bane of our nation - if we can get our act together,we will replace the superpower else,we will be replaced by another developing country.

    This is a good read Roshmi - quite enjoyed reading the irony behind it all.You might want to read - would recommend his writing on the Indian political diaspora. Read it when you get some time.

  18. heyy i m back!! loved the whole satirical series on politics :)

  19. @ writerzblock: Thanks... will take it up sometime...

  20. @ Gyanban: Thank you and I agree with your point of view.

    Thanks for the link as well. Interesting read...

  21. @ Reema: Great! :D

    P.S. Welcome back!

  22. A good article and I like it. Instead of waiting requests