Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Methinks ... this one is Mushy-Immy-gate! (Part-III)

Author's note: You can read the 1st part here and the 2nd part here.

Immy Khan we are told is fighting against corruption and has recently declared his assets.

This 'land of the puree' is so silly I tell you. Even though it was born out of a complicated C-section from India over sixty years ago, they have failed to imbibe or even learn any lessons. They are still stuck up on corruption rather corrupt politicians. The rest are as pure as the driven snow, especially the bureau-fat-cats, the holiest of holy cows that also wear shining boots, blackcoat-wallahs and bijiness-wallahs.

But while they are sweating and frothing at the mouths with 'kruption', we in India, have very prudently moved towards self sufficiency in food production and included the tasty 'bhrashtachar' - a delicious achar or pickle - as a part of our staple diet. It ensures good health too, thereby killing two birds with one stone. Unlike Immy Khan's plan of taking 'two wickets with one ball' - with the help of Mushy of course.

The two wickets stand for Mian Naraaz Sharif and Hatim Tai Zardari, while Immy is the bowler - and the ball is Mushy! You get it, right? What a great pair they make - Immy and Mushy; they rhyme too. But let me not digress.

Recently Veena-ji Malik caused a furore by 'declaring her assets'.

Umm, now that she has fulfilled the main criteria of joining Immy Khan's party, the Pakistani Tsunami by Immy (PTI), she should now promptly join it and be given a high post. Preferably co-chairperson.

I am pitching for the position of co-chairperson for Veena-ji Malik, since due to generation gap she may not have been able to 'declare her assets' as many times as the Chairperson - the great Immy Khan himself.

Btw ... though Immy Khan assures us that he has declared all his assets, he is yet to declare his black and 'White' ones. No puns. Sita Ram! Sita Ram!

He has also not told us where and to whom he has 'declared his assets' for the last four decades (at least). Including interests, dividends and bonuses, if any.

Meanwhile, Jemmy Khan has attested that Immy is not greedy unlike other politicians. Hmm. She had also attested Fatima Bhutto's ability and suitability to become the leader of Benazir Bhutto's party - in the not too distant past. She even turned journalist to further her cause.

Jemmy is now turning into a book-writer (!!) and her jemmy-of-a-book is supposed to hit the stands in late 2012 - this clearly proves that the Mayans were wrong.

It is not difficult to guess what it's contents would be; especially in light of the various books on Immy Khan that has appeared with unfailing regularity - in the last two-and-a-half years. She is also a crusader against corruption. Not sure how being the daughter of one of 20th century's most notorious corporate raider - Sir Jimmy Midas-touch Smith - she can even think of such a thing. It's more than blasphemy, I tell you. But then she does not believe in 'charity begins at home' but rather plumps for 'charity begins with home', and has apparently gifted Immy Khan at least one.

She is the fairy godmother to Julius Assange of Weakileaks fame, and he has promised to reveal the names of Swiss bank account holders - from India and Pakistan - in early 2012. After that apparently some "elites" in both the countries will have "no place to hide". This is a sure shot reaffirmation of his faith in the two-nation theory, no?

However, what Julius does not know is this: we Indians only believe in Swiss chocolates, cows, watches, Swiss knife and Roger Federer aka FedEx. We do not believe in Swiss banks and Weakileaks, only piggy banks and paableak. Ask Mamata-didi - if in doubt. Though I am (still) unable to get my head around the sudden media, FB and that little blue bird inspired Anna-hazard, followed by a sudden medical pilgrimage followed by FD-Eye in retail.

Btw, I am not sure if Jemmy too is a part of PTI ... since she has declared her assets to Hugh-ly Grant-ed among others, including Immy Khan of course; but it seems that Immy, Jemmy, the shining boot-wallahs and the blackcoat-wallahs have a common liking for certified Swiss chocolates.

Meanwhile, this Manzoor Ijaz-zat saga is becoming curiouser and curiouser. Apparently some 'P' has gotten the nod from some Arab states for toppling the Hatim Tai Zardari government in the 'land of the puree'.

Perhaps this mysterious 'P' has committed to issue as many licenses as possible for hunting the endangered Houbara bustards - with or without wings. In case you are wondering, let me tell you that some species of this Houbara bustard also walk on two legs and have been taking out processions for the last ten days. This is THE major criterion for getting the nod from those Arabian Dark Nights.

Umm, I am wondering who this 'P' could be. Not Pervez Bonaparte of the Kargil mis-adventure - I suppose?!

Wonder why he is talking about delivering himself as the New Year gift (Jan. 2012) to his countrymen? Are they unable to buy any themselves due to inflation and noise pollution? Apparently, he will also bring along Chengiz Khan - in the form of a soft toy, according to some soothsayers.

Hmm. Hmm.

But if he does return to once again "save" his country from "krupt" politicians, the Mayans will be proved right.

Meanwhile, Immy Khan's party is busy picking up 'electables' these days - an overwhelming majority of whom had been part of Mushy's disposition in some way or the other, and are essentially 'left-overs' from different parties. Is Immy Khan planning to set up a bio-gas plant next, along with another hospital - this time to treat food-poisoning cases exclusively?? All for a noble cause and in the name of non-profit philanthropy?!!

I advice the pious people from the 'land of the puree' to not bother about going for Hajj any more. It is too much of an effort. All they need to do is, circumambulate Immy Khan a few times - and be assured of eternal jannat; those keen to 'declare their assets', can do so without a worry too - 72 times.

Having said that, I must also add that his "game changer" of a party is increasingly looking like the forced reincarnation of the IJI (the Islami Jaamroodi Ittehad or the Islamic Demo-crazy Alliance) - that propped up Mian Naraaz Sharif in the late eighties against Benazir Bhutto and her party.

The then gallant army chief, Mirza As-salam Alaykum Beg, and the then super-gallant ISI-certified chief - Hamid Gul-badan (who also doubled and still moonlights as Immy Khan's spiritual guru), along with their cronies, fathered the Islami Jaamroodi Ittehad. There was no mother involved ... since all of them were pious people blessed by the Arabian Dark Nights. Yeh aandar ki baat hai!

These gentlemen went about distributing huge funds running into hundreds of millions - in those days; and this was and is still suspected to have come from the land of holy sand, notorious turbanator aka the big 'O' included. Strangely, this case is pending with their highest court for over two decades now, and while the incumbent highest blackcoat-wallah takes sumo moto notice left, right and center, he has somehow developed jaundice in his eyes when it came to this particular case. Apart from other cases pertaining to Mian Naraaz Sharif, Mian Chote Sharif of 'main nahi janta, main nahi manta' fame and other assorted holy cows, of course. For those, he has developed conjunctivitis as well.

He must visit a reputed eye specialist pronto, before he also develops bipolar vision and bypoll-ar vision (thanks to Immy and Mushy).

Meanwhile, Mian Naraaz Sharif and his party - the appropriately named Naraaz League - has approached Fatima Bhutto's (of a certain "must read" book fame) step-mother, Gheewali Bhutto, and the self-styled chieftain of the Bhutto clan Nawab Mumtaaza Bhutto who also fancies himself as "Dahesar" meaning "ten-headed" or "the one with ten heads". Frankly, this one reminds me of one of our 'epics'.

Incidentally, this Dahesar chap wrote an article titled, "Bahadur baap ki buzdil beti" (meaning: The coward daughter of a brave father) on the eve of Benazir's homecoming in 2007. Not to be left behind, fiery niece Fatima and her stepmother too made their respective 'contributions'. All of them are announcing to be mourning Benazir and claiming to be her legacy holders - for close to 4 years now (effective from the night of Dec. 27, 2007). Never mind that they accused Benazir of "stealing the Bhutto legacy" for many years prior to that, apart from regularly reminding everyone that she was "not a Bhutto" and should not be using that name, because she was in fact "Mrs. Zardari"! They seem to have suddenly realized that Benazir was very much a Bhutto - for close to 4 years now (again effective from the night of Dec. 27, 2007), and hence, are claiming to be the "real" Bhuttos too. Now Badey and Chotey Mian have joined that bandwagon. There is also talk of Immy Khan and "game changer II" - Shah Mehmood Ghaznavi - aligning with them as well; while their ("real" Bhutto's) close ties with Mushy and other forces (whose game they have been playing all along) is not unknown. Wah ji wah! Wah ji wah!! Wah ji wah wah wah!!!

Btw, Fatima of course blames her now-deceased aunt for her father, Murtaza's killing, and also pins sundry other charges on her aunt's now silent shoulders, but those who are aware of or at least are clued into the goings-on in the 'land of the puree' should be aware of Mian Naraaz Sharif's role in that saga.

Do read the following if you want to know:

(More later...)

Picture: Courtesy link.