Thursday, December 29, 2011

Methinks ... this one is Mushy-Immy-gate! (Part-V)

Author's note: You can read the 1st part here, the 2nd part here, the 3rd part here and the 4th part here. 

The 'tsunami' that was being promised by the great and legendary Immy Khan for the past 3 months, has finally arrived (a few days back) in the 'land of the puree'. After his speech (in Kasur) where he lashed out rather harangued the current rulers as 'looters and plunderers', the people attending the rally ran away with the brand new chairs - 25,000 in all, and costing a whopping 1 million! His spokesperson-cum-advisor-on-foreign-affairs - Dr. Shireen Hazard - said that the people did not 'loot' the chairs; they carried them away peacefully! :D :D

The rally was held to mark the occasion of the joining of (Mushy's Foreign Minister) Khurshid Mahmud 'Kursi' - into the PTI fold. Along with "game changer II" Shah Mehmood Gaznavi (the possessor of considerable thespian talents) as well as Sardar Asseff Ahmad Alif Laila (a closet poet) now in its ranks - that makes it three former Foreign Ministers who had overseen Foreign Affairs - at some point or the other. Purrfect for the legendary Immy Khan, I say. This is because Foreign Affairs need esspesal attention.

Next time the 'tsunami' may sweep away the stage along with Immy Khan on it, as well as their 'savarnity' or 'savrain-tee' - whichever they may prefer!

A word of advice: Looti hui daulat waapas laanay sey pehley looti hui kursian tau ley aao 'tsunami'-inducing logonn!!!

But then, that would mean registering an FIR, etc and that in-turn might open up that proverbial Pandora's Box - containing such small but uncomfortable matters like how much was spent on this rally and other rallies, where the Vitamin M ... err ... funds came from, what is the source of the un-Tyrian-ing Immy Khan's wealth, etc. So, silence is golden and silence is the better part of valour. So, Shhhhh.

Meanwhile migratory birds - especially those from Mushy's erstwhile party, the Q (for the Question mark - ?) League - continue to flock to Immy Khan's party, the PTI (Pakistani Tsunami by Immy) that has now also transformed into the Pakistani Turncoat Ittehad. Immy Khan must apply for an appropriate party symbol - commensurate with his until-now-sidelined party's (suddenly) new-found "game changer" status.

And all this while affidavits and rejoinders pile up with the 'independent' black-coat-wallahs, who incidentally will lose those black-coats and even their inner-wears and skins if they were to ever think of showing their 'independence' to or with the shining-boot-wallahs and ISI-certified folks. 'Coz their much-touted 'independence' flows from you-know-where, and in turn the latter's 'independence' flows from you-know-where.

Umm, not sure why though, but this Manzoor Ijaz-zat increasingly reminds me of the Chote Mian of the 'main nahi manta, main nahi janta' fame.

I deliberated on this and also on the strangely aa-bail-mujhe-maar-worded 'memo' supposedly delivered through the discredited Manjoor Ijaz-zat. I raked my memory and sure enough recollected old wine, sorry rooh afza, in new bottle.

Back in 1990, when Zardari's assassinated better half - Benazir Bhutto - then the PM, had to be dismissed - the term "security risk" and a "letter" purportedly written by her, were the preferred "brahmastra".

And sure enough, a "letter" that she "wrote" to her long time friend, Amb. Peter Galbraith, who was also Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee then (in the am-Bushed land of the five-sided polygon that you must SeeIA) - asking him to "use his influence on" the then Indian PM - to "engage the Pakistani army on the borders so that they do not impede in my way", materialized out of thin air.

That the letter was dated 24th September (more than a month and half after her dismissal) and peppered with glaring errors apart from poor English, made no difference; and Benazir and her government was sent packing by the then President Ghulami Ishaq Khaini - a very upright and honourable man (who was also an honest bureaucrat, according to their media) - on 6th August 1990, less than 20 months of coming into power.

For those who are confused, let me explain and simplify matters. A "letter" (purportedly) written by Benazir and dated 24th September 1990 was used to dismiss the 1st govt. of Benazir Bhutto - on 6th August 1990; after duly labeling her as a "security risk" along with a slew of corruption charges - as an advance Christmas-cum-New-Year gift.

Note: in order to further simplify matters: A "letter" (purportedly written by Benazir) dated 24th September 1990 was used to dismiss the 1st govt. of Benazir Bhutto - on 6th August 1990. You get it, no? Just look at the months mentioned for crystal-clear clarity.

All her protestations and appeals to the highest court in the 'land of the puree' came to naught, and the impartial courts dismissed her pleas and petitions with uncharacteristic speed and alacrity (something they have always reserved and displayed for Benazir and her father, and later for her husband too; hereditary black-coat and beret, I tell you!)

That her 1st govt. had lasted barely 20 months and had succeeded the brutal Zia-wool-Haq regime that ruled with a very heavy hand as well as an iron fist, for nearly a dozen years; leaving Pak a more than bankrupt nation that was also teeming with drug addicts, criminals, Afghan refugees, a thriving Kalashnikov culture and various "warriors" apart from being a hotbed for sectarian strife - cut no ice. So 'corruption' rather "kruption" it was.

Also, how the son of a village patwari - made his mega fortune while remaining a very "upright and honourable" man, who was also as an "honest" bureaucrat, was/is conveniently never asked.

But, all the media sound and fury notwithstanding, those who have followed the events then, will remember that the real reason of that elaborate "letter" saga was - iRaq. The 1st Am-Bushed-White House and their cronies and backers were unsure that she would play ball vis-à-vis their grand plans in the then Sad-dam-ed iRaq.

The elections thereafter - held under a care-taker regime headed by Benazir's staunch opponents, those she had shown the door from her party, brought in the desired "change" - in the shape of a landslide for Mian Naraaz Sharif.

These elections were duly certified as "free and fair" by (yo)UN and the am-Bushed-land-of-the-five-sided-polygon. As for the ballots, "angels" worked miracles ... yet again.

Even in the (yo)UN and the am-Bushed-land-of-the-five-sided-polygon certified "free and fair" elections of 1988 - held after their noble-and-pious dictator-cum-President Zia-wool-Haq met his maker - the "angels" had worked miracles; reducing the PPP (Pakistan People's Party) headed by Benazir to a wafer-thin majority in the center. Punjab - their most populous (with 60% of population) and politically crucial province was firmly in the hands of the Shareef brothers; and Mian Naraaz Sharif as CM even refused to receive the PM at the airport when she came visiting. The all-powerful shining-boot-wallahs and the beret-cap-wallahs refused to salute the PM - because of her gender. Meaning: she being a female was from the wrong gender (according to them); this is because their mentors and benefactors - from the land of the holy sand, date palms and camels - not just disliked ... but hated her (and still do). And since the you-know-who was just like sunflowers, they followed every movement of the you-know-who.

The then army chief Mirza As-salam Alaykum Beg (he was the top shining-boot-wallah-cum-beret-cap-wallah that refused to salute the PM with the wrong gender) and the then ISI-certified chief - Hamid Gul-badan (who has always moonlighted as Immy Khan's ideological godfather-cum-spiritual guru) along with their cronies went about forging an alliance of motley (right-wing, some of them very rabid) parties - called the IJI (the Islami Jaamroodi Ittehad or the Islamic Demo-crazy Alliance) - and propped up Mian Naraaz Sharif. They also distributed huge funds running into hundreds of millions - in those days; and this was/is suspected to have come from the land of the holy sand (the Big 'O' included). Strangely, this case is pending with their highest court for over two decades now, and while the incumbent highest black coat takes sumo moto notice left, right and center, he has somehow developed jaundice in his eyes when it came to this particular case. Apart from other cases pertaining to Mian Naraaz Sharif and other assorted holy cows, of course. For those, he has developed conjunctivitis also (as I have already mentioned in Part-III of this series). 

The elections of 2008 held under Mushy's watch too was certified as "free and fair" by you-know-who and the victory of the current ruling party was conveniently attributed to the "sympathy wave" (supposedly generated due to the assassination of Benazir). Strangely this party had garnered similar numbers/seats in 2002 and before (during all the "free and fair" elections, courtesy the omnipresent "angels") - in the absence of any "sympathy wave". Still, no one, including the certifiers, deemed it fit to tell us that: if this was the "sympathy wave" then where were the "votes", and if this was the "votes", then where was the "sympathy wave"??

Good question. No answer.

Her party, then headed by Hatim Tai Zardari (in 2008), who was not yet the President then, called it "intelligent rigging" on the part of you-know-who; but these were promptly dismissed by you-know-who and you-know-who.

Let's retrace our steps then.

In 1991, Mian Naraaz Sharif, grateful to be installed on the PM gaddi - gave his "gurudakshina" to his various "gurus" and "mentors" (both internal and external as well as extra-terrestrial) with remarkable speed and alacrity.

Result: Their environment friendly army sent battalions to help the you-know-which forces apart from providing stopover and refueling facilities in the war with the then Sad-dam-ed iRaq (to you-know-which-forces.)

Strangely, all these honourable gentlemen were never honoured with unique epithets and labels such as, "security risk", etc. and that country's gairat (honour) was never compromised - as a result of their many shenanigans.

Let's get back to the 1990 letter episode then.

Btw, that "letter", however, was so patently a forgery that it had made the Islamic Jaamroodi Ittehad (IJI) look foolish; and it almost appeared that a band of brothers got together and drafted that piece, in between plates of Nehari and perhaps Paya too - with ample help and assistance from the friendly "establishment" forces and their cronies.

[Note: The non-elected forces that have exercised power over the land of the puree's destiny are today known as the 'establishment' in their political parlance; and includes the army, intelligence and security apparatus. Their cronies in the media, business, legal community, civil society, various activists, NGOs, etc., too play their due role. Certain forces/powers from beyond it's borders and even across the seven seas are also part of it.]

The 'establishment forces' did other things too - apart from coining the term "security risk" for Benazir; it air-dropped doctored photographs of Benazir and her mother - Begum Nusrat Bhutto, from army helicopters - during the 1988 elections, etc. And spread objectionable propaganda-cum-character assassination against them via the print and electronic media as well as the Internet (apart from unleashing a massive whispering campaign and rumour mongering) - before, during (the 1988 and 1990 elections) and beyond.

Cronies of these forces ran the media campaign against the mother-daughter duo. This being a family blog, I will refrain from re-producing any of those "gems" here. However, I can only say that India and her politicians come out smelling of roses, tuber-roses, brhmakamals, lotus, jasmines and much else when compared to that poisonous, obnoxious, snake pit - across our western border.

Now, cut to 2007.

After Benazir declared that she would return to Pakistan, no matter what, that old "letter" now resembling a yellowed-out, fossilized, Dead Sea scroll made it's grand re-appearance.

Meaning: it was back from the dead and was reprinted in huge ads in several newspapers that were known for their sympathies for you-know-which-forces - by you-know-which politicians and personalities. Mushy's party was perhaps hoping that people had forgotten: that everyone originally thought it was a forgery even when it first appeared. It was Mushy and his team's misdirected and misguided effort to discredit Benazir. It cut no ice.

This so-called memo-gate is nothing but a D-grade attempt to copy that, no?

In 1977, there were large-scale protest rallies (led by a group known as the PNA, thanks to you-know-who and you-know-who), and the black-coat-wallahs were very much a part and parcel of it. Then, Gen. Zia-wool-Haq staged a 'bloodless' coup d'etat and imprisoned the then PM - Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto (ZAB). The highest court came to Zia's aid and duly sent ZAB to the gallows - on a fictitious murder charge. Strangely while fantastic stories of Hatim Tai Zardari and his supposed 'kruption' have been doing the rounds for the past over two decades, it is being 'helpfully' pointed out by members of the 'gairat brigade' that ZAB was never called corrupt, sorry, 'krupt' by anyone - not even his enemies.

What they do not say is that, it still did not prevent his hanging on a fictitious murder charge!

ZAB was deposed in 1977, hanged in 1979 and a few months later we saw the Soviet forces invading Afghumistan, followed by other powerful forces joining in to 'liberate' it. It's still yet to be 'liberated'. Obviously all that did not happen overnight, it required careful planning ... and the ZAB saga was a part of it - and an example was made of him by you-know-who. The hand of the Jimmy Caterer administration has long been suspected behind those mass protests.

In 1990, before the iRaq War (of 1991), Benazir was sent packing because of "inefficiency" (though no files were sent to her for over 6 months, and the bureau fat-cats remained totally un-cooperative, along with a hostile President, opposition, security apparatus, media, et al - but of course, all this was duly ignored) and "kruption" charges (not proven till date) became the mantra of you-know-which-forces.

In 2011, we have this phenomenon called "memogate" - that the black-coat-wallahs are very enthusiastic to pursue, while the shining-boot-wallahs and the ISI-certified folks seem too eager to make the black-coat-wallahs pursue it. Mian Naraaz Sharif - is trying his best to get back into the good-books of his erstwhile benefactors. Hush hush meetings in Turkey seem to have taken place with a top Pesha - to avert noise pollution in the 'land of the puree' obviously; while a certain black-coat's vehicle is said to have entered and left - after three hours - through a certain palatial gate, in the dead of the night - again to save precious daylight, obviously.)

The shining-boot-wallahs and the ISI-certified folks want to stop their 'strategic depth' in the western front and so do their backers from across the seven seas, as well as the land of sand, date palms and camels. They want to "take-out" Syria instead - you can see and read what is emanating from the "relevant quarters" and make your own conclusion. Their next target is iRan - and all efforts are being made to set the stage - for the massive change in architecture there, minus pipelines, but lots of pipe dreams. 

They would also reward the land of the puree's shining-boot-and-beret-cap-wallahs and ISI-certified folks, for services rendered towards quieting the Bahraini protestors, etc. The latter want to resume their misadventures in the eastern front - and the relevant quarters will choose to look the other way or react mutely at best.

Their ahimsa-loving neighbour better be extra vigilant and watchful; 'coz the laal-jhanda-wallahs too are more than willing to lend a helping hand to their environment conscious evergreen brethren.

(More later...)

Picture: Courtesy link.


  1. Our wishes for a very very happy, prosperous and peaceful New Year, Roshmi! God bless you!

  2. Extremely interesting analysis coming from the other side of the border. Yes, our democractic gov.s have been sent packing & this one is doomed to do so too.
    But from the lens of an average Pakistani, the democratic governments have failed to deliver.... repeatedly. N we have fathomed democracy as Alladin's Lamp which is an instant solution to our problems. Imran Khan may be a pawn, but right now he is our only hope. 'democratically' elected gov.s are made up of primarily feudals.

  3. @ Sandhya: Thank you Sandhyaji, and here's wishing you the same :)

  4. @ MD: Thank you for stopping by my blog.

    Democracy is work-in-progress and is not Aladdin's Lamp, that is an instant solution to problems, as you have very rightly pointed out. Hope is a precious emotion and one should never let go of it. Having said that, let me also say, it is best not to squander it on dubious wannabe Prophets who is also a Pied Piper of pipe dreams :)

  5. wow!! can u write or what!! so many parts :) please change the theme so the font is bigger or better still move to wordpress :D

  6. @ Reema: Well, I write on stuffs and happenings that interests me :)

    And things happening in our neighbourhood (be it Syriana, land of the puree or iRan) are sure to have their effect on this ahimsa-loving land too :)

    P.S. This series is part of a political satire.