Sunday, March 4, 2012

Cross-border 'tsunami'

While the mantra of "corruption" was being chanted in the ahimsa-loving land via an old knight in shining white dhoti-kurta-topi and his team - likening himself to that 'saintly' man who also wore a white dhoti; the mantra of "kruption" was and is still being chanted in the land of the pure (LoTP) - by an old-young man - a shining ex-sporting knight with supposedly magical powers and Midas-smith touch.

While the "corrupt" fellows in this ahimsa-loving land has reasonably successfully pricked that shining white dhoti-kurta-topi wearing hot-air balloon; let us wait and watch what the "krupt" folks in the LoTP can do. Since the 'tsunami' there is also wearing shining-boots-beret-caps-black coats-flash-bulbs-plus-lots-of-talk-time, apart from being aided by ample amounts of Hollywood-ian 'special effects', not to forget humongous quantities of botox shots, hair weaves, wrinkle removers and even the surgeon's scalpel and knife.

Umm, somebody somewhere was clearly not happy with the "corrupt" people here, lead by a certain blue-turbaned yogi, since they did not purchase substantial amounts of war toys from those ETs, and also did not (or were unable to?) push through a new policy to throw open retail trade (and pensions) to very eager phoren Santa Clauses.

[Note: We cannot say with certainty whether those phoren Santa Clauses will come with their numerous jingle bells at a later date though.]

The same folks (?) and their allies are not happy with Hatim Tai for wanting to go ahead with a certain pipeline with a country whose architecture those ETs would like to change, apart from wanting to be friendly with a certain ahimsa-loving neighbour. No pipelines, only pipe dreams. Remember, Mushy never built even a toy pipeline in his decade long tenure, while his 'spiritual godfather' too refrained from building any in his almost a dozen-year long brutal and regressive regime (blessed by sundry geometric diagrams and flying camels).

In fact very 'pious' and 'scientific' experiments regarding the generation of electricity from djinns (spirits, as in ghosts) - was faithfully conducted during the tenure of the most 'pure and pious' general that the LoTP has ever produced, or perhaps the world and beyond has ever seen!

I am not an expert on the teachings and message of the holy Prophet, but a majority of the (virulent) strains of that particular 'ism' (now proliferating everywhere) were developed in labs, petri dishes and test tubes - courtesy various 'experiments' conducted in the land of the five sided polygon (and ably supported by the land of flying camels as well as electricity from djinns).

The other 'spiritual sons' - the ones that have a taste for Nihari and Paya - too did not build one; in fact they built lots of motorways instead - for honeybees and later for mosquitoes. And they are also renowned for their appetite ... err taste for laptops.

The only one who did (i.e., took measures to mitigate the energy crunch) was the PM with the 'wrong' gender. And it was due to her efforts that the LoTP did not face a severe energy crunch or too much load shedding until about 2004 - when Mushy was ruling and happily claiming all the credit for. Actually, Mushy even talked about exporting electricity to India. Whether he did it or not I have not a clue, though some reports do suggest that he did; which means we enjoyed 'halal' electricity!

Now, though the PM with the 'wrong' gender received accolades from the UN and perhaps a medal too, she was sadly rewarded with lots of Swiss chocolates instead, by the 'bade mian nihari' - who is now her self-proclaimed brother. How times change!

Unfortunately, the top just-tease there wants those (now stale and mouldy) Swiss chocolates back, re-packaged and given to Hatim Tai as a belated X-Mas gift. It is actually meant to be a punishment for Hatim Tai - for having trimmed his thick, jet-black, waxed, handlebar moustache. Hatim Tai is resisting with both his arms instead: Ghee-lani is listening while Mushkil Asan is arguing.

The latest 'gate' was and is clearly a Mushy-Immy game, scripted and choreographed by some internal, external and extra-terrestrial forces, and is a part of their global land (and resource) grab scheme that has decimated nations and uprooted civilizations, and still does.

Given their interest in improving 'tourism' in Afghumistan and their intense wish in changing the old and outdated architecture in primitive iRan, they would much prefer rootless and weak folks who can easily be remote controlled and who would be dutiful puppets that would also salute telephone calls at odd hours. They certainly do not want popular leaders, especially those who have a national stature and lead national parties with deep roots among the people. The latter species are dealt with: first with Swiss chocolate and then if required with carefully arranged and choreographed attacks, complete with martyred tyres - so that these unwanted folks can meet their makers. Later, those attacks are conveniently placed on sundry stick-wielding primitive men, complete with instant evidence, dubious video and audio footage, fudged medical records and hosed down evidence. And all of these are duly (and instantly) authenticated - especially by geometric-diagrams and their chelas - Thomson and Thompson. For some reason Tintin, Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot is never involved.

As for Manzoor Ijaz-zat, I guess he played his role - which was not unlike that of 'Shikhandi' - and the purpose has been served - at least partly. What that purpose was should be clear to all by now, no?

Just incase 'Tiger Khan Tsunami' - with the blessings of his numerous backers does make it to the all-important gaddi - I would feel sorry for the unfortunate LoTP-ians. As for us, even Zeenie baby and double moon won't be able to help us *Wink*

His 'path-breaking' jalsa or rally (what with several experts, analysts etc - both phoren and domestic - comparing it with Benazir Bhutto's historic home-coming rally of 1986, no less) at Jinnah's mausoleum, achieved the impossible. Even Mr. Jinnah got up from his final resting place and announced his decision to join the PTI (Pakistani Tsunami by Immy). Really!

With musical performances by Strings-attached and Salman Ali Ahmad Azmat of Junoon-past, who incidentally showed the entire world that he could also sing in Ali Az-mat-head's voice. But then Immy Khan claimed credit for that wonder. It's actually one of his amazingly latent magical qualities; using which he would eliminate "kruption" in 90 days and terrorism in 19 days.

The later is easy, since he would simply induct them (meaning the 'pure and patriotic' terrorists-cum-strategic-assets) in his cabinet and declare (halal) terrorism a flourishing industry. Well, now if Shortcut Aziz could declare cell phone proliferation as an industry, why can't pure, pious and 'halal' terrorism be called an industry?? Bolo, bolo? Tell, tell? It helps in manpower 'export and import' after all, and even keeps those virgins in paradise in steady employment, no?

Frankly, Shortcut Aziz (PM during Mushy's golden ... rather platinum era) claimed that Pakistan's march to the glorious future ordained for it, was seen in the proliferation of cell phones. Wiser words have not been spoken before or since. However, Immy is known to be quite the dim compared to 'clever' Shortcut and so he may take a longer run-up.

As for eliminating "kruption" in 90 days, well this one would be trickier.

"Corruption" (or even "kruption") is selectively defined, and polish-men, bureau fat cats, babus, clerks, bijinessmen and the most popular of all - poltry-cians, are synonymous with "corruption". The rest are as pure as the driven snow.

Come to think of it, even in the above, only selective folks are targeted and it is usually to settle personal or political scores. And the luckiest ones among them get the much-coveted
Swiss chocolates.
"Corruption" has come to mean monetary corruption. But that is only a part of the problem and has arisen from the deep-rooted malaises that have eaten into our psyche and social fabric.

The corruption that we have in our thoughts, minds, hearts, actions (or the lack of it), and in our moral fibre, is far worse - and has given rise to monetary corruption.

So if "corruption" (also: kruption) rather monetary corruption has to be decreased, the former will have to be dealt with; and that would also include no 'Sitayan' in the dark *Wink*

'Coz if one has indulged (or is still indulging) in 'Sitayan' in the dark and if there is 'proof of the pudding' too, then one is very, very vulnerable to sundry suits and rings - from outdated instruments like telephone. *Wink*

Photograph: The long-lost twin brother of Sir Mickey Jet-lagger, who was lost in a 'halal' dessert storm. Pic courtesy: link

Footnote: You can also read my earlier series - Mushy-Immy game: 1st part:
here, 2nd part: here, 3rd part: here, 4th part: here and the 5th part: here.


  1. Interesting read ....Influence of Dawn and Nadeem Pancha is showing on satire ..:-)

  2. @ Sunil: Oh really?!! But Dawn is just one of the many papers that I read or have read over the years. And NFP is in a league of his own, plus he has and will continue to have a better grip of events and happenings on the other side of the border :)

  3. I think you are the only one I know who follows Pakistan politics this closely! any special reason?

  4. @ Reema: I am very aware about what is happening in our neighbourhood and the world in general. And of course about what is happening in my own country. But that is filled with one scam after another at the moment – and too tiring! Also news emanating from China or Myanmar is controlled – and most of us may not be too familiar with the names of the leading characters there.

    Political satire – is something I like writing – whenever I can. I have written quite a few on the happenings in our own country. But these days – all these scams and mega-scams have tired me out :)

    But this piece is not person or country specific. If you read between the lines, that is. I have mentioned about “an old knight in shining white dhoti-kurta-topi and his team.” I have talked about “somebody somewhere clearly not being happy with the "corrupt" people here, lead by a certain blue-turbaned yogi, since they did not purchase substantial amounts of war toys from those ETs, and also did not (or were unable to?) push through a new policy to throw open retail trade (and pensions) to very eager phoren Santa Clauses.”

    I have also said: “We cannot say for certain whether those phoren Santa Clauses will come with their numerous jingle bells at a later date though.”

    I have also written: “"Corruption" has come to mean monetary corruption. But that is only a part of the problem and has arisen from the deep-rooted malaises that have eaten into our psyche and social fabric.

    The corruption that we have in our thoughts, minds, hearts, actions (or the lack of it), and in our moral fibre, is far worse - and has given rise to monetary corruption.”

    I am essentially referring to the invisible winds … blowing on both sides of the border … and this one is an important neighbour :)

    PS: I have been reading your posts regularly, but have not been able to leave a comment. There is some issue with the comment form I guess … it does not accept :(

  5. @ Reema: After India’s latest action on SL, I decided not to write on that. And frankly our estranged neighbout on the western front – is a source of much entertainment. There is a steady supply emanating everyday, and if one likes satire writing, nothing like it :)

    How many countries are you aware of that conducts ‘pious’ and ‘scientific’ experiments regarding the generation of electricity from djinns (meaning: spirits, as in ghosts) …??

    See my point?!

  6. Interesting n very witty. But your sources are somewhat biased. As an ordinary Pakistani, I dont second your views. The picture is not depicted properly on the social media.

  7. @ Anonymous: Sure, we can always agree to disagree then :)

  8. @ Anonymous: PS: Btw, would appreciate if you could leave your name. Don’t think 'anonymous' is a name :)

    PPS: And do feel free to let me know what is it that you disagree with. I am open to listening and don't mind my GK traveling northward.

  9. The saintly playboy has a track record to boast of. Be it the world cup, Shaukat Khanum hospital or Numl university, the knight in the shining armour has proved a point repeatedly_He is a born gifted leader who knows how to turn things around & accomplish the near impossible. A born winner who relies on his own guts & persistance & does not require any crutches to shape the reality.

    If this view appears naive & over simplistic, it is bit fartfetched & crude to forsee a Mushy Immy alliance. Even if the saintly playboy has got some backing of the establishment for an argument's sake, thanks to the Hatim Tayi & the niahri paya mess, together they have left enough mess in the society for the charismatic Khan to exploit_who has emerged as a symbol of hope.

    There is a big leadership void that has evolved over the years & saintly playboy banking on his track record of implementing merit & consistency is riding the crest of the popularity wave. He is one person who talks of structuring the whole system ( including his party ) on merit & justice and establishing true democratic culture. His emergence on the national scene with a bang is not an accident but is supported a long history of his struggle that threatens many a forces both liberal & conservative with vested interests.

  10. @formerlydelirious: Thank you for stopping by my blog.

    I have no doubt about your views – expressed here. Especially since we are aware of his cricketing days, famous world cup speech included.

    And we are no strangers to his great political career either, for the last 18 years now – huge strides indeed. His party is a shining example of democracy - internal, external and extra-terrestrial; its roots have penetrated so deep that it’s visible from the other end of planet earth, no?

    He lectures people with increasing frequency (and stridency) never to visit non-halal lands, yet spends much of his time there – vacationing, and collecting small bits of green coloured papers, among other activities of course. Umm, perhaps this is what you meant by: a long history of his struggle?

    Giving back to society or helping others is all very good – so long the thoughts behind it remain noble. But if it were a mere façade to launch oneself, then I am not so sure. Since you see, yours truly is neither a ‘born gifted leader’, nor a ‘born winner’ !! :)

    And none of us have such a glorious ‘track record of implementing merit & consistency’ too! Good luck to you and your Pied Piper.