The Smart Boss, Special High Intensity Training (!) and other stories.

Pic 1: Moral of the story: In these days of cost cutting, leave office early.

Read my blogs: "Corporate Lessons!!!", "Corporate (Mis)communication!!" and "Direct Marketing/Advertising/PR and Brand Recognition!!" for further enlightenment (!)

I have nothing against bosses. I assure you that it is all in good humour and no offence meant... Well, now that I have fortified myself with that anticipatory bail (!!) I will continue...

1. The Memo: John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers. Here is what the manager wrote:

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found

2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without

3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never

4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended

6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be

10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be

11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be

12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

13. executed as soon as possible.

Signed ...

Jim

A Memo was soon sent, following the initial letter:

John,

That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today.

Kindly read only the odd numbered lines above (1, 3, 5, etc...) for my true assessment of him.

Regards ...

Jim

2. Training!

TO: All Employees.
Subject: Special High Intensity Training.

In order to ensure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.) We are giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other company in the country. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list for special attention.

All of our supervisors are particularly well qualified to see that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle at your own speed. If you consider yourself to be trained already you may be interested in helping us to train others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.) If you have further questions, please address them to our Head Of Training (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.) Program.

3. Who is in charge? All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

The ass hole is usually in charge!!

Note: Pic 1 courtesy: http://amazingphotos4all.blogspot.com

Photographs:

1. Comic strip depicting an office scenario... in these times of cost cutting...

2. & 3. Comic strips depicting various 'office/work' scenarios... cartoons by Parimal Joshi.