"Stranger than fiction" - A 77-Fiction.

This is my second attempt at a 77-Fiction. Hope you like it.

Author's Note: You can read my first 77-Fiction... titled, "Grief" - HERE. My first 'Flash Fiction'... "Communication"... can be read: HERE.

Before I get on with it... let me just say that I too hope, like millions of others... that Sachin Tendulkar will reach yet another milestone. Today. That of the 17,000-run mark in one day cricket... and not fall a victim to a certain "dreaded finger"... or try to 'conserve his energy' (wink!) He needs just 7 more runs.

But to quote his teammate and the incumbent 'Team India' vice-captain Yuvraj Singh: They are "tired of celebrating 'grand-dad' Sachin's records."

He maybe just 36 but he is already being addressed as grandfather - by his India teammates. "We have started calling him grandfather," Yuvraj quipped. Well the guy has been around for 2 decades now... since his 1989-90 debut... of which I have vivid memories! But... I have a sneaking suspicion... he may still be around... when his son debuts, donning the India colours.

When asked if the team has any special plan to celebrate the occasion, Yuvraj said, "Plan? We are in fact tired of planning celebrations for him. Every week, the guy goes on to make some record or other. How many times can you celebrate?"

Moving on to the racist cries... emanating from those Indian students based in Melbourne who have been, or feel they are being targetted for assault. Its been all over the media for quite a while now. With the Victorian Police Commissioner confirming that assaults against Indian students are up over 30%, one would say there was a problem. But perhaps the problem is that... assaults are up over 30% and nothing is being done about it.

So apart from some actual and efficient Policing, what can be done to show the world... that Australia is not a 'Racist Haven'? That we are all potential victims... this being not an 'Indian' issue... ?? Infact, trying to camouflage these attacks as an 'Indian' issue seems to reduce the seriousness of it. Right... ???

To me, the answer lies in a man with a very colourful wardrobe... and I must say he looks good in pink! Dirk Nannes (aka 'the man who was responsible for fellow Delhi Daredevil teammate Glenn 'Pigeon' McGrath to twiddle his thumbs during IPL 2') not only sounds like an international man of action, he is one. Being a member of an already rare species (of left arm fast bowlers, and he sure is fast), Dirk is from Melbourne but plays for Victoria, Delhi and the Netherlands in cricket competition. Can you be a better representation of multicultural harmony, with a striking and exotic-sounding name? Further, he studied the saxophone at University, has an awesome beard, speaks Japanese (thats some talent!) and competes at skiing at an international level. Everyone loves a polymath. What... ?!!

Nannes is known to be not too fond of team meetings. "I don't listen too much. By the time I enter the field, I have forgotten all about it. So when you see me wander towards mid-on or mid-off, I am actually asking them what was discussed! I don't like team meetings much. I am thinking where to eat." Wow! Thats some 'food for thought'... !

And here's his take on cricket: "Cricketers are completely a different breed," says Nannes. "I wouldn't say that cricketers are boring, but their sense of humour is a bit different." Spoken like a true diplomat! On his disappointment with Australia's selection, he says: "If I am not good enough to be in the top 30 Australian cricketers, I will eat my hat." He certainly dishes out quotable quotes... move over Rakhi Sawant and Mallika Sherawat!

Now... to get back to my 77-Fiction. Read on:

She walked slowly... unmindfully talking into her mobile. Failing to notice the fast approaching bus... until it was too late. Confused and in panic she looked around for an escape route. The 2 feet high platform next to her... was impossible to climb... without assistance. Suddenly, a pair of strong hands gripped her arms and pulled her onto the platform. Relieved and grateful she turned around to thank her saviour... only to find noone. Not a soul...

Note:

Some info gathered, Courtesy: Wikipedia.

Photograph:

A beautiful pic... showcasing the 'miracle' that is nature.

The Charge of the 'Gilly Brigade'... !!!

Author's note: Read my earlier takes on the IPL season 2: here and here.

The face-off was between the Royal Challengers and the Deccan Chargers. The ice cool Kingfisher against the piping hot biriyani! Also at stake were... bruised egos and tons of money. In the end... the Chargers charged their way to victory. Every thing else was secondary. Two old war horses, two wily foxes... both legends in their own right, faced each other with all their might... for this big fight. In the end, Gilly's danda made the Royal Challengers... ekdum thanda!

Kumble aka Jumbo and his team did some good bowling. They restricted the Chargers to a paltry... one hundred and forty three. With his 4-wicket spell, you can tell... Skipper Kumble showed the way... even though its usually: 'Thats the way, Mahiway'... ! Not enough runs on the board... so said the 'experts'... Gilly though had other ideas.

Skipper to Skipper, Captain to Captain... Kumble got Gilly clean bowled for a duck... Quack! Quack! It was only the third ball of the match. Then Rahul Dravid dropped a catch... which finally cost the Royals the match! It was quite a dolly... by G(i)olly... !! Symonds went on to score some extra runs... actually another 28... that sealed the Royals fate. In the end, just 6 runs... made all the difference!

Symonds perished not to the 'Apple Crumble' but to the 'hand of fate'. In the ninth over Kumble produced another wrong 'un and Symonds, going in for a pull, failed to 'connect' properly. He should start using Nokia... 'Connecting people'... !!! Sooo Simple! The ball dropped on to his thighs and on the leg stump to see his bail dislodge. Rahul heaved a sigh of relief... one so loud... it could be heard all the way to Bangalore!!! For sure.

Kallis was out cheap. Taylor's heroics too went for a six. Both had crafted a few earlier wins... but fumbled at the crucial hurdle. Ojha and Gilly got rid of the marauding Roelof van der Merwe. Dangerman Virat Kohli too was stumpted by the willy Gilly. And Virat looked so silly! Lightning quick behind the stumps... is this man Gilly. No dilly and no dally! Symonds struck twice in the 15th over... to dismiss both Kohli and Taylor... to tilt the match in the Chargers' favour.

Dravid was not at his elegant best... no jest. He tried a 'cute' shot and threw away his precious wicket... !!!

Did you know... van der Merwe is actually Roelof Erasmus van der Merwe... ??? Quite a mouthful and a tongue twister at that! After one of their league matches, his teammate Praveen Kumar while speaking about the match had said: "Aur... Van... ahhh... yeh South Africa ka jo ladka hai....." Can't blame him... Right... ?!! Pronouncing a name like that... is quite a 'fight'... !

And the New Zealander Ross Taylor is LRPL Taylor. Two initials is normal, but four is positively Sri Lankan! So I dug some more and discovered he is actually Luteru Ross Poutoa Lote Taylor. Whew!!! I am out of breath... got to get some rest! Looking at his name... only Ross and Taylor does make some sense. No wonder he is universally known as... well, 'Ross Taylor'! Leaving out the tongue twisters. Thankfully, he is not south Indian... else there would have been a lot of 'fun'... !

On second thoughts... can't we call him... Mr. Potato Chips... ?!! OK. Mr. Potato Chips Taylor... ?? Aww... C'mon Yaar! There is no bar (on it)... so far...

He was born on March 8th, 1984 in Lower Hutt, Wellington, New Zealand. 'Lower Hutt'... hmmm... wonder what would he been called if he was born in the 'Upper Hut' instead.. !! Any guesses... no???

The new kid on the block... Manish Pandey made hay... while the sun was shining... in the semis against the Chennai Super Kings. His 48 steered the Royals... into the IPL season 2 finals. In the last game before the semis... against the Chargers, he scored a century... and walked into history. An unbeaten hundred and fourteen... not bad for a lad of nineteen. He said... he has made the right choice in cricket than in a career in the Army... My! O My! Pepsi! Yehi hai Right choice, baby... Aha!!! Pandey reigned supreme and the Royals cruised to the semis. The Army's loss is cricket's gain! Ten on ten... !!!

Even 'Mr. finisher'... Mark Boucher... failed to butcher the bowlers... and fell for a paltry 5 runs. The new 'bakra' Harmeet Singh claimed his wicket... and his ticket (to fame) ably assisted by Gibbs... who took the catch. That kind of won the match! A lot rested on the 'extra padded shoulders' of Uthappa. Dappa! Dappa! Buddy! Lose some weight and get back in shape. Quick! He scored a six... hopes soared, and the crowd roared. We all thought... 'now he's gonna hit'... instead, he developed cold feet... !!! He wasted too many balls and looked very sleepy... wonder why the Royals did not play Shreevats Goswami... !!! Poor chap... he got 'bangalored' in bangalore... !

Pragyan Ojha, Andrew Symonds and Harmeet Singh struck vital blows... to put the brakes on Bangalore. Herschelle Gibbs hit an unbeaten 53 to give the Chargers a 'challenging' total... due to which they could continue the 'battle'. R. P. Singh with 23 wickets wore the 'Purple Cap' while the Aussie run machine... Matthew Hayden with 572 runs claimed the 'Orange Cap'. Kumble with 22 wickets... missed the bus aka the 'Purple Cap'... by a whisker... but became the 'Man of the match' for his 4/18 in the finals... nevertheless. There... thats some consolation. Adam Gilchrist was the 'Man of the series'. No worries! Pragyan Ojha weaved his magic, but with his 'limited' vocabulary... left everyone feeling quite 'sick'. The finals also saw newcomer Harmeet sing(h)ing his way to 2 crucial wickets and taking a spectacular catch... end of the match.

Last year's runners up lost in the semi finals... the Chennai Super Kings were Kings no more. Dhoni must be in mourning and feeling very sore. He lost the fight between the 'red and golden yellows' and the... well... the 'yellows'! Poor fellows... no halos. The last two teams in season one... made it to the finals in this one! Kumble is 38 and has the height, while Gilly is 37... which kinda makes it even. But, the younger of the two won. Suits Gilly fine... he has played like a young gun... !!! And had a lot of fun!

Much of the early focus was on the Bollywood stars: Shah Rukh, Shilpa and a Preity with the Zinta who should model for the Fanta! All co-owners of IPL franchises... mixed the 'reel' with the 'real'. But none of their teams did particularly well. Khan's 'Kolkata Knight Riders' finished an embarrassing last and thereby bit the dust. They won only three out of 14 matches and this got the King Khan's goat... and he returned to India... to Vote. The Khan returned to India early in the campaign... unable to bear the pain. No risk, no gain! Umm... exercising one's 'franchise' was more important and doesn't go in vain. Zinta's 'Kings XI Punjab' were squeezed out of the semifinals on run rate. Yuvraj turned pedestrian... and his blade fell silent. He must 'train' all the same. Else no money and no fame. Perhaps even no dame or a fair maiden. While Shetty's 'Rajasthan Royals' - the defending champions - were sixth. From first to sixth... they were truly trounced. Inspite of the "Shut Up and Bounce". In the end, the cricketers claimed centre stage... despite their 'age'. Too Old... ?? Nope. New is Silver.... Old is Gold... !!!

By the way, the 'Match referee' was a certain Javagal Srinath... a contemporary of both Kumble and Gilchrist. What a twist!!! The current coach of the Chargers... the former Australian batsman Darren Lehmann proved to be no layman... !

Ray Jennings has not lost his 'ray' of hope and is not ready to mope. The King of Good Times'... cup... err mug 'of happiness' must be runneth over... What??

(Stay tuned...)

Note: Manish Pandey's 114* was not only the 1st century by an Indian in the IPL, it was also the 2nd century by an Indian in all Twenty20 cricket. Rohit Sharma's is the other one. What's more is that it is the highest score by an Indian in all forms of Twenty20 cricket.

Some info gathered courtesy: Wikipedia. IPL stands for the Indian Premier League.

Cartoons courtesy: http://ipladda.blogspot.com/

Photographs:

A hilarious take on the IPL season 2... all in good humour, though. I assure you :)

IPL Mantra: "Bill u bar bar"... !!!

Author's note: Read my earlier take on the IPL season 2: here.

The annual spectacle has almost come to an end... I am referring to the IPL season 2nd. We now know who are placed where... on the roster. Who came out on tops... and who are at the bottom... or rather, topped from the bottom... !!! The top and bottom performers... are all charmers. Well, thats a 'thumbs up' and a 'bottoms up'... while the top two teams are 'warming up'! The battle for the 'pole' position... in style... will be on... in a while. When it all ends, ... many will 'feel' the withdrawal symptoms... my friends!

No more fairytales... for the 'Rajasthan Royals'. This time two wily foxes... two old war horses... both retired... but not tired... two seasoned campaigners led their teams into the finals. They take on each other, today... on a sunday... this promises to be a fun day. Both these teams held the last 2 positions in season 1... and the top 2 in this one! Hope springs eternal for the 'KKR' and the 'Mumbai Indians'! Fine... there is always a next time!

There were a few 'stars'... but thankfully no 'wars'... and I really feel sorry for the KKRs. I mean they had to lose... planning was of no use. The fault was in their numerology... and the naming team owes them an apology. How could they miss out on the most 'important' fact... that their owner, the King Khan was a class act... ??? He has his own distinctive style... and he has been around for a while. How could they name the team... 'KKR'... the 'Kolkata Knight Riders'... ??? No wonder... they got some serious (k)nightmares. How could they not know that the Khan said: "K.. K.. K.. K.. Kiran"... and became a 'Baazigar'. Therefore, he cannot have a team called the 'KKR'. It should have been the KKKK KKRs... the 'K..K..K..K.. Kolkata Knight Riders'!!! Then they would have won all the cricket wars! Even the 'laptop' could not trace the 'error'. Strange! Its time for some 'revenge'...

But the Khan is smart... and won't retire hurt. There is nothing he 'khan't do... he just does not bat, but can pull a rabbit or two out of the hat. His 'hard-sell' is simply a 'no-fail'. His is the richest team inspite of finishing at the bottom... while he goes a tomtom. A la 'Om Shanti Om'! He is a free bird with no 'Karz'... !!! Koi Harj??? The sponsors pay the bill... even while all is very quite and still... on the field. Lack of 'action' does not invoke a 'sanction'... or even a 'reaction'... a la "every 'action' has an 'equal' and 'opposite' 'reaction'". The Khan says simply, with a smile very dimply: 'Aare Yaar! Bill u bar bar'... !!! This Khan 'won' inspite of 'losing'... he is not called the 'Baazigar' for nothing. There are no dearth of 'sponsors'... Yes Sirs!

One major link, they failed to notice. Tsk! Tsk! They went with "Na kiya"... written on their chest... and lived up to 'the name' and gave their very best. You see, no fault... they were true to their salt. But, they should have brought in a certain girl, who says: "Utterly Butterly Delicious"... as one of their main sponsors! With their "butter-fingers" they dropped many a dolly... mind you, not their folly. Their fingers were covered with the melted "Utterly Butterly Delicious" butter... so, how could they do any better??? Ummm... may be there is a "KKR Brand Butter"... a new 'business venture' in the making. Would be a hit and provide some much-needed 'adventure' while 'eating'. After all, the taste of the butter is in the (finger) licking... !!!

The 'Four-captain theory' fell flat... even before it took off... how could people scoff... ??? It was a stroke of sheer genius... wonder what was all the fuss??? Buchanan had too much chicken tikka and curry and therefore had lots to worry. He had not thought... "too many cooks spoil the broth"... ! Buchanan aka 'bookha naan'... as per the 'fake IPL player'... who tried his hand as a 'reputation slayer'. There are talks that he'll get the sack and won't for season 3 be back. Instead Steve Waugh... may get to inspire some 'awe'. Waugh Bhai! Waugh!

It seems, 'KKR' may bid 'Tata' to Kolkata and move to Ahmedabad. Too bad! Is it the 'Mamata effect'... or some other 'defect'.. (?)... can't say for sure... and any 'resemblance' is purely by 'coincidence'.

Lets move on to the 'RR Express'... which got derailed and failed to impress. Shilpa had crooned, "Mein aayi hoon UP Bihar lootne" in 'Shool'. 'Lal'-train and 'haathi' had laughed and said: 'Heh! Heh! What a fool'... !!! 'Ha! Ha! With us here, that'll be a shame'... !!! This is the same Shilpa of the "Shut Up and bounce" fame.

Then Shilpa went to 'Raj(kundra)asthan'... to set up her newest 'firm'. She brought in the missing 'glamour-shammer'... and thought that the other teams will now get the 'hammer'. The until recently 'contractless' 'Shetty'... 'set(her)eye' on the IPL trophy. She doled out 'contracts' galore... as if there was no tomorrow. And also shared her 'mantra' to 'trounce'...the foe. It was very simple: Just "Bounce Baby, Bounce"... By Jove!!! Like her... there is no other... she has been smiled upon by the good(y) 'Big Brother'. Name and fame she did get... on the wings of a kind of 'hate'... well, that is called 'fate'! 'Lady Luck' was not so kind... and the RR were in a bind!

The 'Sheikh of Tweak' got a peek... of too much 'fine leg'... what the heck! He failed to warn(e) the opposition... and flopped in his 'mission'. Many a times that whirlwind called Yusuf... managed to put their opponents in a soup. Their 'cheerleaders' should have been paid more... for all the 'hoola' minus the 'hoop'! The young 'Kamran'... ran through the opposition and gave away very 'kum runs'! Why the 'Skipper' did not play Smith... will remain a myth. Warn(e)ing times ahead... all got to put together their heads. That was a serious blow... 'bump ahead, drive slow'. The 'Captain' with the 'Aussie twang'... missed out on the 'yin' and 'yan' and the 'cheers' soon turned to 'jeers'. Thankfully, no tears! He remained the 'Sheikh of tweak' and did not turn into a 'histrionic geek'... !!!

Shilpa Shetty continued her 'raj'... and was treated like royalty. The 'King'fisher too has a stake... its true, not fake. Even the 'Raj'... minus the 'Taj'.

Still the 'royals'... became the 'commoners'... and lost to the very mediocre... KKR. They were 'fitted' with the 'Jaipur foot' this time around... so, failed to shoot and scoot... and managed to 'shoot themselves in the foot'. The 'coach' too seemed a bit 'out of touch'... !!! Too much of "Halla Bol"... finally took its toll.

For want of a 'shoe', the 'horse' was lost, for want of a horse the 'kingdom' was lost. Now, we all await the next 'toss'... !!! Yes Boss!

Note:

Some info gathered courtesy: Wikipedia. Cartoons courtesy: http://ipladda.blogspot.com/

IPL stands for the Indian Premier League.

Photographs:

Some hilarious takes on the IPL season 2... all in good humour, though. I assure you :)

Between the 'Eye'PL lines...!!!

IPL is the current flavour of the season. Therefore I am blogging about it... and you will get to read about the goings-on as seen through my eyes. Before I begin, let me share a piece of 'breaking news'... regarding blogs... it seems there are 33 million blogs (Whew!) already out there on the net, and their numbers are growing by the day... but most of these blogs have only 1 reader... the blogger himself... or herself. We all firmly believe in 'equal' opportunity, right?!! 33 million!!! Umm... and to think that until recently I thought that this figure indicated to about 10% of the number of Gods (as per the cynics who are totally unaware of the Hindu faith and want to take a dig)... or even referred to the 10% of the population of India - during independence!!

The IPL... though in its season 2, has come a long way and acquired quite a few names already... masala cricket, T-20, 20/20... 'I'PL (due to the presence of too many 'stars' and their 'starry tantraums')... 'Eye'PL (after the 'who-will-blink-first' standoff between the Indian govt. via P.Chidambaram and Lalit Modi re: the venue). But Cyrus Broacha - the host of the news satire show - "The Week That Wasn't", christened it as the 'Cricket I-Pill'. Ahem! Ahem! These IPL matches... in its very 2nd season... are being played in South Africa instead of India... due to the 'poll dance' currently underway in India. FYI. In future it may also become 'Toss-20'... 'toss karo aur ghar jao' (translated to: 'toss the coin and go home')... !!! Why not (?)... after 5 days of test cricket, came the 50/50... one-dayers or 50 overs cricket, then 20/20... 20 overs cricket... so quite logical, no?!!

While watching the matches I 'realized' the importance of our 'names'... the very essence of our identity. There are players with names like: Wilkin 'Mota' and Salman 'Butt' (a Pak cricketer... who played in the IPL season 1 for KKR). Imagine going through the journey of life with names like that?!! Not funny! There is also a certain 'Takawale'... but he does not 'own' the World Bank or any other bank for that matter. And an 'Umar Gul' - (Umar = age, Gul = lost... another Pak cricketer, who played in the IPL season 1 for KKR). Such a name (!)... despite the fact, that he was born on 15 October 1984 in Peshawar... !!! I also heard a certain 'Gam beer' being referred to by some 'firang' commentators... no, they were not speaking of beer or bear (those found in the jungles as well as in the stock markets)... but merely talking about our prolific run-scorer and current 'wall in the making'... the 'daring devil', Gautam Gambhir.

A few matches were decided via the D/L method... the 'Duckworth-Lewis method'. This rule should be included in all IQ tests henceforth. As of now, only 2 gentlemen in this entire planet can make sense of it... one is Mr. Frank Duckworth and the other is Mr. Tony Lewis. Such genius! By the way, both these gentlemen are English statisticians... and aren't we aware of the 3 kinds of lies to be found in this world bit... lies, damn lies and statistics?!!

The other day, actually the 12th of May... in the match between the 'Kings XI Punjab' and the 'Mumbai Indians'... Brett Lee was out for a paltry 8 runs (caught by Rohan Raje) in 12 balls (bowled by Malinga). No free hugs, for Lee... from Preity!!! At this rate, his 'Bollywood' dreams will go up in smoke. Why didn't anybody tell him that we Indians like our silver screen 'heroes' to be singing, dancing, fighting champs who can bash up goons twice their size, and come up tops in everything from thumb wrestling to painting... kabaddi and cricket included?!! Hero means... 'Herogiri'... right???

And this Lasith Malinga chappie... I hear is known as 'Slinga'. I think he should be called 'Stinga' instead. Given the 'venomous' power he unleashes while bowling, if the ball hits the batsmen... it is sure to 'sting'! On second thoughts... perhaps, he is called 'Slinga' 'coz he is 'capable' of making the opponent batsmen wear a 'sling'... not a designer one, though... those are for THE SRK!!! Right??

Well, Lee made amends by removing the 'dangerous'... his visible 'signs of prosperity' notwithstanding... Sanath Jayasuriya... who scored a 'paltry' 4 runs in 7 balls. Mota took a blinder of a catch... he had not left behind his '(k)night vision goggles', unlike the 'Kolkata Knight Riders'... or is that the Kolkata (K)nightmare Riders?!!

Faint hopes for a free hug there... for Lee... but that was soon dashed by Johnny Bravo... oops, Dwayne Bravo... who blasted 70 off 59 balls to 'power' the Mumb(h)ai Indians to an eight-wicket victory over the Kings XI Punjab. Dwayne's 'bravado' carried the day for Sachin 'Fortyone'dulkar and his 'Boyz II Men'! Even, Sunny Sohal's 43 failed to put the 'shine' back onto the Kings... and no 'radiant' dimpled smile on Ms Zinta's face either. Lull before the storm... perhaps. The team of Bombay er 'Mumbai Dyeing' gave the 'Kings XI Punjab' the 'blues'!!! 'Yuvraj' still has some way to go to become 'Maharaj'... Meanwhile, last heard Shaun Marsh was having marshmallows. Looks like the Ambassador for the Kings is, 'Dardi Rub Rub Kardi' Daler Mehndi... time to bring out the iodex folks!

I was still left with a nagging question. In all the IPL season 2 matches, I did not see a certain 'turbanator'... 'scratching his armpits' even once. Hmmm... wonder which brand of 'deo' he is using these days... perhaps 'Maa Ki Recipe'... !!! What say??? ... And Oh before I forget... the Brand Ambassador for the Mumbai Indians is Hrithik Roshan... "Dhoom Macha de...!"

Note: Info gathered courtesy Wikipedia. Cartoons courtesy: http://ipladda.blogspot.com

IPL stands for the Indian Premier League.

There are no 33 million Gods in the Hindu faith, it is mere propaganda. Check this link for more info: http://www.hindu-blog.com/2008/05/330-million-gods-in-hindu-religion.html

P.Chidambaram is the (reluctant) Home Minister in the current cabinet - Govt. of India.

Lalit Modi is the Chairman and Commissioner of the Indian Premier League, Chairman of Champions League and the Vice President of the BCCI, besides holding several other positions elsewhere.

Photographs:

Just a hilarious take on the IPL season 2... all in good humour, though. I assure you.

Communication (s)kills!!!

Good 'communication skills' are a necessity and therefore considered to be an asset, and rightly so... but there are occasions when we encounter its second cousin... 'communication (s)kills'!!! Infact, most of us already have.

I vividly remember one incident... this happened a few months ago... I was plonked on the sofa... in front of the television, watching an India-Australia cricket match. The match was nothing spectacular but the commentary surely was. Some chap - probably from our national network - was doing the honours, in our national language... hindi. The Aussie cricketer, Michael Clarke was in the crease and going all out against our hapless bowlers. The commentator came up with a gem of a line, "...Aur Michael Clarke, 'clerk' ki tarah nehi 'malik' ki tarah batting kar rahe hain"...!!! That translates to... Michael Clarke is batting like a 'king'/'owner'/'leader' and not like a 'clerk'... !!! I nearly choked on my popcorn... !! Now, this Michael Clarke chappie also goes by the sobriquet: "Pup". No, not 'inspired' by "Slumdog Millionaire"... he has been carrying this nickname for several years now. Ummm... perhaps taking the "Man's best friend" tagline a tad too seriously... what say?!!

The other day, I was watching one of the Aus-Pak cricket matches currently underway in Dubai. There were several references to 'Ten Beer', 'Ten Bear' and 'Ten Veer'. I was bewildered!! Number one: A certain high flying, firangi pani guzzling, business magnate is in South Africa at the moment and not in Dubai. Number two: Bears are currently found @ stock markets, in profusion... though their population has dwindled in the forests... they have never been found on the cricket field! Number three: None of the cricketers were descendents of the great 'Pandava' Bhima, did not have anything to do with the 'Pavan Putra' Veer Hanuman, nor were any of them a part of the under production Salman Khan aka Sallu Mian starrer "Veer"... the frequently derailed Rawalpindi Express, Shoaib Akhtar notwithstanding! The mystery unraveled a while later and I discovered that it was none of the above three... but Pakistani cricketer, Sohail Tanvir... who was being referred to by some 'firang' commentators!! Tongue twisters of an exotic kind... na???

I switched channels... to the IPL matches... 'Chennai Super Kings' vs 'Kings XI Punjab'. Ahh! This should be entertaining and won't require brainstorming... or so I thought. Umm... looks like I have been bitten by the 'rhyming bug' lately...! After watching for a while, I heard the word 'High Den' being spoken of several times. This set me thinking. The "King of the Jungle" is not known to be a cricket enthusiast or even a 'cheerleader'. Then... ??? After a while, I cracked it... that was recently retired Aussie cricketer Matthew Hayden, who was being spoken of. Ummm... Hayden and the "King of the Jungle" (???)... a toothless one perhaps... one who is feeding on a lot of humble pie these days!!!

There are communication(s) of a 'different' kind too and they can prove to be very 'costly' or 'expensive'. As was discovered by a certain 'turbanator' and his 'too cocky for his own good' turned 'cry baby' team mate. The story went like this... the 'golden panja/palm' of the 'turbanator' planted one... resounding 'THWAK'... on the 'golden' nay 'platinum' cheeks of this 'appam' eating fellow cricketer. The BCCI declared that it was completely against 'noise pollution'. The End Result: both the main protagonists were made to understand the meaning of the line 'silence is golden'... from the marrow of their bones, accompanied by sufficient cooling of their heels and a lot of twiddling of their respective thumbs! I also heard that the water level of the Arabian Sea and the Indian Ocean as well as that of the five rivers of the Punjab... rose substantially in the following weeks and came precariously close to the 'danger' mark! Hmmm... may be that was the reason for the 'good' monsoons... last year. Given the dearth of rains... we can do with an encore this year too!!! For sure. This quick handiwork by the 'turbanator' must rank among the costliest-ever slaps in world history, and certainly a record-setting one in cricket! It acquired a unique name too: 'Slap-gate', found its way into the dictionary... for posterity, and also resulted in lightening the turbanator's purse by a whopping 3 crore (30 million) Rupees!!! And to think... Vodafone has unveiled the 'Zoozoo' for the same amount!!

Wonder how the insurance chaps and the computer-games-inventing guys passed up such a 'priceless' opportunity. Imagine... the 'hit appam on the cheeks' and win... whatever... with an opportunity to shake tubanator's hands thrown in... would have been a runaway hit!!! Instead, both these headline-grabbing 'actors' shook hands...yes, with each other. Quite an anticlimax!

Now, for some 'implied' communication. Lets talk about the 2006 FIFA World Cup. The tournament was won by Italy, who claimed their fourth World Cup title. But... I did not find a single Indian tricolour in the stands or gush-pieces the following day in any of our newspapers or the media... How did we miss the point?? Doesn't India have a very 'strong' connection with Italy... and doesn't that make us 'Winners by Default'... ??? Maybe everyone mistook the Italian tricolour... the green, white and red as the Indian tricolour... a bleary-eyed view. Maybe. Just maybe...

'Marketing' and 'advertisement' are also a type of 'communication'. Ever since the day India lost her position as the host of the IPL season 2 cricket matches to her 'colonial cousin'... I have been hearing that the tickets are all sold out and that many fans had to be turned away. Now, during the matches (telecasted live) I get to see more empty stands than spectators... Weird! Is it that the organisers turned away one too many... or are the seemingly 'empty' seats actually 'occupied' by 'phantoms'... ??? Perhaps, there is a need for some 'Modi'fication here... what say???

And this one takes the cake.. with a red cherry on top (to quote the inimitable Navjot Singh Sidhu, see 'Sidhuisms' for more details).

Beggars in Delhi are gearing up for the 2010 Commonwealth Games by learning not just English, but languages like French and Spanish as well (according to a report published in the DNA newspaper, dated May 7, 2009). "Classes" had begun to prepare the young alm-seekers to 'target' the large number of tourists expected for the Games in October 2010. According to one Vijay Babli, who claimed to be the 'leader' of over 1,200 mendicant families living in Lal Quarter in Rohini, northwest Delhi, "Even if one beggar earns Rs.150-200 per day ($3-4), you can understand the 'turnover' for us." Turnover, huh?!! The community has even set up an informal academy in the area. The 'trend' to ask foreigners for alms in their own language adds a "personal touch", said a beggar at the Jantar Mantar observatory that draws a lot of tourists. The beggars were also imparted 'training' in distinguishing foreign currency notes - to recognise value. Nikolina, a Croatian national studying here, was surprised when a beggar asked her in English where she was from. "I was shocked when a man dressed in rags approached me and asked me in English if I was German, or French, and started saying 'please give me money' in various languages," she said incredulously. Whoever said, "Beggars cannot be choosers"?!! Come On!! If pigs can fly... they can surely choose! Now that we have managed to churn out 'export quality' beggars... What next... ?!!

Note: Information gathered courtesy Wikipedia and the DNA newspaper, dated May 7, 2009.

Photographs: Some posters with interesting taglines. Take a closer look!

1. Apathy: If we don't take care of the customer, Maybe they'll stop bugging us.

2. Losing: If at first you don't succeed, Failure may be your style.