Cross-border 'tsunami'

While the mantra of "corruption" was being chanted in the ahimsa-loving land via an old knight in shining white dhoti-kurta-topi and his team - likening himself to that 'saintly' man who also wore a white dhoti; the mantra of "kruption" was and is still being chanted in the land of the pure (LoTP) - by an old-young man - a shining ex-sporting knight with supposedly magical powers and Midas-smith touch.

While the "corrupt" fellows in this ahimsa-loving land has reasonably successfully pricked that shining white dhoti-kurta-topi wearing hot-air balloon; let us wait and watch what the "krupt" folks in the LoTP can do. Since the 'tsunami' there is also wearing shining-boots-beret-caps-black coats-flash-bulbs-plus-lots-of-talk-time, apart from being aided by ample amounts of Hollywood-ian 'special effects', not to forget humongous quantities of botox shots, hair weaves, wrinkle removers and even the surgeon's scalpel and knife.

Umm, somebody somewhere was clearly not happy with the "corrupt" people here, lead by a certain blue-turbaned yogi, since they did not purchase substantial amounts of war toys from those ETs, and also did not (or were unable to?) push through a new policy to throw open retail trade (and pensions) to very eager phoren Santa Clauses.

[Note: We cannot say with certainty whether those phoren Santa Clauses will come with their numerous jingle bells at a later date though.]

The same folks (?) and their allies are not happy with Hatim Tai for wanting to go ahead with a certain pipeline with a country whose architecture those ETs would like to change, apart from wanting to be friendly with a certain ahimsa-loving neighbour. No pipelines, only pipe dreams. Remember, Mushy never built even a toy pipeline in his decade long tenure, while his 'spiritual godfather' too refrained from building any in his almost a dozen-year long brutal and regressive regime (blessed by sundry geometric diagrams and flying camels).

In fact very 'pious' and 'scientific' experiments regarding the generation of electricity from djinns (spirits, as in ghosts) - was faithfully conducted during the tenure of the most 'pure and pious' general that the LoTP has ever produced, or perhaps the world and beyond has ever seen!

I am not an expert on the teachings and message of the holy Prophet, but a majority of the (virulent) strains of that particular 'ism' (now proliferating everywhere) were developed in labs, petri dishes and test tubes - courtesy various 'experiments' conducted in the land of the five sided polygon (and ably supported by the land of flying camels as well as electricity from djinns).

The other 'spiritual sons' - the ones that have a taste for Nihari and Paya - too did not build one; in fact they built lots of motorways instead - for honeybees and later for mosquitoes. And they are also renowned for their appetite ... err taste for laptops.

The only one who did (i.e., took measures to mitigate the energy crunch) was the PM with the 'wrong' gender. And it was due to her efforts that the LoTP did not face a severe energy crunch or too much load shedding until about 2004 - when Mushy was ruling and happily claiming all the credit for. Actually, Mushy even talked about exporting electricity to India. Whether he did it or not I have not a clue, though some reports do suggest that he did; which means we enjoyed 'halal' electricity!

Now, though the PM with the 'wrong' gender received accolades from the UN and perhaps a medal too, she was sadly rewarded with lots of Swiss chocolates instead, by the 'bade mian nihari' - who is now her self-proclaimed brother. How times change!

Unfortunately, the top just-tease there wants those (now stale and mouldy) Swiss chocolates back, re-packaged and given to Hatim Tai as a belated X-Mas gift. It is actually meant to be a punishment for Hatim Tai - for having trimmed his thick, jet-black, waxed, handlebar moustache. Hatim Tai is resisting with both his arms instead: Ghee-lani is listening while Mushkil Asan is arguing.

The latest 'gate' was and is clearly a Mushy-Immy game, scripted and choreographed by some internal, external and extra-terrestrial forces, and is a part of their global land (and resource) grab scheme that has decimated nations and uprooted civilizations, and still does.

Given their interest in improving 'tourism' in Afghumistan and their intense wish in changing the old and outdated architecture in primitive iRan, they would much prefer rootless and weak folks who can easily be remote controlled and who would be dutiful puppets that would also salute telephone calls at odd hours. They certainly do not want popular leaders, especially those who have a national stature and lead national parties with deep roots among the people. The latter species are dealt with: first with Swiss chocolate and then if required with carefully arranged and choreographed attacks, complete with martyred tyres - so that these unwanted folks can meet their makers. Later, those attacks are conveniently placed on sundry stick-wielding primitive men, complete with instant evidence, dubious video and audio footage, fudged medical records and hosed down evidence. And all of these are duly (and instantly) authenticated - especially by geometric-diagrams and their chelas - Thomson and Thompson. For some reason Tintin, Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot is never involved.

As for Manzoor Ijaz-zat, I guess he played his role - which was not unlike that of 'Shikhandi' - and the purpose has been served - at least partly. What that purpose was should be clear to all by now, no?

Just incase 'Tiger Khan Tsunami' - with the blessings of his numerous backers does make it to the all-important gaddi - I would feel sorry for the unfortunate LoTP-ians. As for us, even Zeenie baby and double moon won't be able to help us *Wink*

His 'path-breaking' jalsa or rally (what with several experts, analysts etc - both phoren and domestic - comparing it with Benazir Bhutto's historic home-coming rally of 1986, no less) at Jinnah's mausoleum, achieved the impossible. Even Mr. Jinnah got up from his final resting place and announced his decision to join the PTI (Pakistani Tsunami by Immy). Really!

With musical performances by Strings-attached and Salman Ali Ahmad Azmat of Junoon-past, who incidentally showed the entire world that he could also sing in Ali Az-mat-head's voice. But then Immy Khan claimed credit for that wonder. It's actually one of his amazingly latent magical qualities; using which he would eliminate "kruption" in 90 days and terrorism in 19 days.

The later is easy, since he would simply induct them (meaning the 'pure and patriotic' terrorists-cum-strategic-assets) in his cabinet and declare (halal) terrorism a flourishing industry. Well, now if Shortcut Aziz could declare cell phone proliferation as an industry, why can't pure, pious and 'halal' terrorism be called an industry?? Bolo, bolo? Tell, tell? It helps in manpower 'export and import' after all, and even keeps those virgins in paradise in steady employment, no?

Frankly, Shortcut Aziz (PM during Mushy's golden ... rather platinum era) claimed that Pakistan's march to the glorious future ordained for it, was seen in the proliferation of cell phones. Wiser words have not been spoken before or since. However, Immy is known to be quite the dim compared to 'clever' Shortcut and so he may take a longer run-up.

As for eliminating "kruption" in 90 days, well this one would be trickier.

"Corruption" (or even "kruption") is selectively defined, and polish-men, bureau fat cats, babus, clerks, bijinessmen and the most popular of all - poltry-cians, are synonymous with "corruption". The rest are as pure as the driven snow.

Come to think of it, even in the above, only selective folks are targeted and it is usually to settle personal or political scores. And the luckiest ones among them get the much-coveted Swiss chocolates.
 
"Corruption" has come to mean monetary corruption. But that is only a part of the problem and has arisen from the deep-rooted malaises that have eaten into our psyche and social fabric.

The corruption that we have in our thoughts, minds, hearts, actions (or the lack of it), and in our moral fibre, is far worse - and has given rise to monetary corruption.

So if "corruption" (also: kruption) rather monetary corruption has to be decreased, the former will have to be dealt with; and that would also include no 'Sitayan' in the dark *Wink*

'Coz if one has indulged (or is still indulging) in 'Sitayan' in the dark and if there is 'proof of the pudding' too, then one is very, very vulnerable to sundry suits and rings - from outdated instruments like telephone. *Wink*

Photograph: The long-lost twin brother of Sir Mickey Jet-lagger, who was lost in a 'halal' dessert storm. Pic courtesy: link

Footnote: You can also read my earlier series - Mushy-Immy game: 1st part: here, 2nd part: here, 3rd part: here, 4th part: here and the 5th part: here.

Methinks ... this one is Mushy-Immy-gate! (Part-V)

Author's note: You can read the 1st part here, the 2nd part here, the 3rd part here and the 4th part here. 

The 'tsunami' that was being promised by the great and legendary Immy Khan for the past 3 months, has finally arrived (a few days back) in the 'land of the puree'. After his speech (in Kasur) where he lashed out rather harangued the current rulers as 'looters and plunderers', the people attending the rally ran away with the brand new chairs - 25,000 in all, and costing a whopping 1 million! His spokesperson-cum-advisor-on-foreign-affairs - Dr. Shireen Hazard - said that the people did not 'loot' the chairs; they carried them away peacefully! :D :D

The rally was held to mark the occasion of the joining of (Mushy's Foreign Minister) Khurshid Mahmud 'Kursi' - into the PTI fold. Along with "game changer II" Shah Mehmood Gaznavi (the possessor of considerable thespian talents) as well as Sardar Asseff Ahmad Alif Laila (a closet poet) now in its ranks - that makes it three former Foreign Ministers who had overseen Foreign Affairs - at some point or the other. Purrfect for the legendary Immy Khan, I say. This is because Foreign Affairs need esspesal attention.

Next time the 'tsunami' may sweep away the stage along with Immy Khan on it, as well as their 'savarnity' or 'savrain-tee' - whichever they may prefer!

A word of advice: Looti hui daulat waapas laanay sey pehley looti hui kursian tau ley aao 'tsunami'-inducing logonn!!!

But then, that would mean registering an FIR, etc and that in-turn might open up that proverbial Pandora's Box - containing such small but uncomfortable matters like how much was spent on this rally and other rallies, where the Vitamin M ... err ... funds came from, what is the source of the un-Tyrian-ing Immy Khan's wealth, etc. So, silence is golden and silence is the better part of valour. So, Shhhhh.

Meanwhile migratory birds - especially those from Mushy's erstwhile party, the Q (for the Question mark - ?) League - continue to flock to Immy Khan's party, the PTI (Pakistani Tsunami by Immy) that has now also transformed into the Pakistani Turncoat Ittehad. Immy Khan must apply for an appropriate party symbol - commensurate with his until-now-sidelined party's (suddenly) new-found "game changer" status.

And all this while affidavits and rejoinders pile up with the 'independent' black-coat-wallahs, who incidentally will lose those black-coats and even their inner-wears and skins if they were to ever think of showing their 'independence' to or with the shining-boot-wallahs and ISI-certified folks. 'Coz their much-touted 'independence' flows from you-know-where, and in turn the latter's 'independence' flows from you-know-where.

Umm, not sure why though, but this Manzoor Ijaz-zat increasingly reminds me of the Chote Mian of the 'main nahi manta, main nahi janta' fame.

I deliberated on this and also on the strangely aa-bail-mujhe-maar-worded 'memo' supposedly delivered through the discredited Manjoor Ijaz-zat. I raked my memory and sure enough recollected old wine, sorry rooh afza, in new bottle.

Back in 1990, when Zardari's assassinated better half - Benazir Bhutto - then the PM, had to be dismissed - the term "security risk" and a "letter" purportedly written by her, were the preferred "brahmastra".

And sure enough, a "letter" that she "wrote" to her long time friend, Amb. Peter Galbraith, who was also Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee then (in the am-Bushed land of the five-sided polygon that you must SeeIA) - asking him to "use his influence on" the then Indian PM - to "engage the Pakistani army on the borders so that they do not impede in my way", materialized out of thin air.

That the letter was dated 24th September (more than a month and half after her dismissal) and peppered with glaring errors apart from poor English, made no difference; and Benazir and her government was sent packing by the then President Ghulami Ishaq Khaini - a very upright and honourable man (who was also an honest bureaucrat, according to their media) - on 6th August 1990, less than 20 months of coming into power.

For those who are confused, let me explain and simplify matters. A "letter" (purportedly) written by Benazir and dated 24th September 1990 was used to dismiss the 1st govt. of Benazir Bhutto - on 6th August 1990; after duly labeling her as a "security risk" along with a slew of corruption charges - as an advance Christmas-cum-New-Year gift.

Note: in order to further simplify matters: A "letter" (purportedly written by Benazir) dated 24th September 1990 was used to dismiss the 1st govt. of Benazir Bhutto - on 6th August 1990. You get it, no? Just look at the months mentioned for crystal-clear clarity.

All her protestations and appeals to the highest court in the 'land of the puree' came to naught, and the impartial courts dismissed her pleas and petitions with uncharacteristic speed and alacrity (something they have always reserved and displayed for Benazir and her father, and later for her husband too; hereditary black-coat and beret, I tell you!)

That her 1st govt. had lasted barely 20 months and had succeeded the brutal Zia-wool-Haq regime that ruled with a very heavy hand as well as an iron fist, for nearly a dozen years; leaving Pak a more than bankrupt nation that was also teeming with drug addicts, criminals, Afghan refugees, a thriving Kalashnikov culture and various "warriors" apart from being a hotbed for sectarian strife - cut no ice. So 'corruption' rather "kruption" it was.

Also, how the son of a village patwari - made his mega fortune while remaining a very "upright and honourable" man, who was also as an "honest" bureaucrat, was/is conveniently never asked.

But, all the media sound and fury notwithstanding, those who have followed the events then, will remember that the real reason of that elaborate "letter" saga was - iRaq. The 1st Am-Bushed-White House and their cronies and backers were unsure that she would play ball vis-à-vis their grand plans in the then Sad-dam-ed iRaq.

The elections thereafter - held under a care-taker regime headed by Benazir's staunch opponents, those she had shown the door from her party, brought in the desired "change" - in the shape of a landslide for Mian Naraaz Sharif.

These elections were duly certified as "free and fair" by (yo)UN and the am-Bushed-land-of-the-five-sided-polygon. As for the ballots, "angels" worked miracles ... yet again.

Even in the (yo)UN and the am-Bushed-land-of-the-five-sided-polygon certified "free and fair" elections of 1988 - held after their noble-and-pious dictator-cum-President Zia-wool-Haq met his maker - the "angels" had worked miracles; reducing the PPP (Pakistan People's Party) headed by Benazir to a wafer-thin majority in the center. Punjab - their most populous (with 60% of population) and politically crucial province was firmly in the hands of the Shareef brothers; and Mian Naraaz Sharif as CM even refused to receive the PM at the airport when she came visiting. The all-powerful shining-boot-wallahs and the beret-cap-wallahs refused to salute the PM - because of her gender. Meaning: she being a female was from the wrong gender (according to them); this is because their mentors and benefactors - from the land of the holy sand, date palms and camels - not just disliked ... but hated her (and still do). And since the you-know-who was just like sunflowers, they followed every movement of the you-know-who.

The then army chief Mirza As-salam Alaykum Beg (he was the top shining-boot-wallah-cum-beret-cap-wallah that refused to salute the PM with the wrong gender) and the then ISI-certified chief - Hamid Gul-badan (who has always moonlighted as Immy Khan's ideological godfather-cum-spiritual guru) along with their cronies went about forging an alliance of motley (right-wing, some of them very rabid) parties - called the IJI (the Islami Jaamroodi Ittehad or the Islamic Demo-crazy Alliance) - and propped up Mian Naraaz Sharif. They also distributed huge funds running into hundreds of millions - in those days; and this was/is suspected to have come from the land of the holy sand (the Big 'O' included). Strangely, this case is pending with their highest court for over two decades now, and while the incumbent highest black coat takes sumo moto notice left, right and center, he has somehow developed jaundice in his eyes when it came to this particular case. Apart from other cases pertaining to Mian Naraaz Sharif and other assorted holy cows, of course. For those, he has developed conjunctivitis also (as I have already mentioned in Part-III of this series). 

The elections of 2008 held under Mushy's watch too was certified as "free and fair" by you-know-who and the victory of the current ruling party was conveniently attributed to the "sympathy wave" (supposedly generated due to the assassination of Benazir). Strangely this party had garnered similar numbers/seats in 2002 and before (during all the "free and fair" elections, courtesy the omnipresent "angels") - in the absence of any "sympathy wave". Still, no one, including the certifiers, deemed it fit to tell us that: if this was the "sympathy wave" then where were the "votes", and if this was the "votes", then where was the "sympathy wave"??

Good question. No answer.

Her party, then headed by Hatim Tai Zardari (in 2008), who was not yet the President then, called it "intelligent rigging" on the part of you-know-who; but these were promptly dismissed by you-know-who and you-know-who.

Let's retrace our steps then.

In 1991, Mian Naraaz Sharif, grateful to be installed on the PM gaddi - gave his "gurudakshina" to his various "gurus" and "mentors" (both internal and external as well as extra-terrestrial) with remarkable speed and alacrity.

Result: Their environment friendly army sent battalions to help the you-know-which forces apart from providing stopover and refueling facilities in the war with the then Sad-dam-ed iRaq (to you-know-which-forces.)

Strangely, all these honourable gentlemen were never honoured with unique epithets and labels such as, "security risk", etc. and that country's gairat (honour) was never compromised - as a result of their many shenanigans.

Let's get back to the 1990 letter episode then.

Btw, that "letter", however, was so patently a forgery that it had made the Islamic Jaamroodi Ittehad (IJI) look foolish; and it almost appeared that a band of brothers got together and drafted that piece, in between plates of Nehari and perhaps Paya too - with ample help and assistance from the friendly "establishment" forces and their cronies.

[Note: The non-elected forces that have exercised power over the land of the puree's destiny are today known as the 'establishment' in their political parlance; and includes the army, intelligence and security apparatus. Their cronies in the media, business, legal community, civil society, various activists, NGOs, etc., too play their due role. Certain forces/powers from beyond it's borders and even across the seven seas are also part of it.]

The 'establishment forces' did other things too - apart from coining the term "security risk" for Benazir; it air-dropped doctored photographs of Benazir and her mother - Begum Nusrat Bhutto, from army helicopters - during the 1988 elections, etc. And spread objectionable propaganda-cum-character assassination against them via the print and electronic media as well as the Internet (apart from unleashing a massive whispering campaign and rumour mongering) - before, during (the 1988 and 1990 elections) and beyond.

Cronies of these forces ran the media campaign against the mother-daughter duo. This being a family blog, I will refrain from re-producing any of those "gems" here. However, I can only say that India and her politicians come out smelling of roses, tuber-roses, brhmakamals, lotus, jasmines and much else when compared to that poisonous, obnoxious, snake pit - across our western border.

Now, cut to 2007.

After Benazir declared that she would return to Pakistan, no matter what, that old "letter" now resembling a yellowed-out, fossilized, Dead Sea scroll made it's grand re-appearance.

Meaning: it was back from the dead and was reprinted in huge ads in several newspapers that were known for their sympathies for you-know-which-forces - by you-know-which politicians and personalities. Mushy's party was perhaps hoping that people had forgotten: that everyone originally thought it was a forgery even when it first appeared. It was Mushy and his team's misdirected and misguided effort to discredit Benazir. It cut no ice.

This so-called memo-gate is nothing but a D-grade attempt to copy that, no?

In 1977, there were large-scale protest rallies (led by a group known as the PNA, thanks to you-know-who and you-know-who), and the black-coat-wallahs were very much a part and parcel of it. Then, Gen. Zia-wool-Haq staged a 'bloodless' coup d'etat and imprisoned the then PM - Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto (ZAB). The highest court came to Zia's aid and duly sent ZAB to the gallows - on a fictitious murder charge. Strangely while fantastic stories of Hatim Tai Zardari and his supposed 'kruption' have been doing the rounds for the past over two decades, it is being 'helpfully' pointed out by members of the 'gairat brigade' that ZAB was never called corrupt, sorry, 'krupt' by anyone - not even his enemies.

What they do not say is that, it still did not prevent his hanging on a fictitious murder charge!

ZAB was deposed in 1977, hanged in 1979 and a few months later we saw the Soviet forces invading Afghumistan, followed by other powerful forces joining in to 'liberate' it. It's still yet to be 'liberated'. Obviously all that did not happen overnight, it required careful planning ... and the ZAB saga was a part of it - and an example was made of him by you-know-who. The hand of the Jimmy Caterer administration has long been suspected behind those mass protests.

In 1990, before the iRaq War (of 1991), Benazir was sent packing because of "inefficiency" (though no files were sent to her for over 6 months, and the bureau fat-cats remained totally un-cooperative, along with a hostile President, opposition, security apparatus, media, et al - but of course, all this was duly ignored) and "kruption" charges (not proven till date) became the mantra of you-know-which-forces.

In 2011, we have this phenomenon called "memogate" - that the black-coat-wallahs are very enthusiastic to pursue, while the shining-boot-wallahs and the ISI-certified folks seem too eager to make the black-coat-wallahs pursue it. Mian Naraaz Sharif - is trying his best to get back into the good-books of his erstwhile benefactors. Hush hush meetings in Turkey seem to have taken place with a top Pesha - to avert noise pollution in the 'land of the puree' obviously; while a certain black-coat's vehicle is said to have entered and left - after three hours - through a certain palatial gate, in the dead of the night - again to save precious daylight, obviously.)

The shining-boot-wallahs and the ISI-certified folks want to stop their 'strategic depth' in the western front and so do their backers from across the seven seas, as well as the land of sand, date palms and camels. They want to "take-out" Syria instead - you can see and read what is emanating from the "relevant quarters" and make your own conclusion. Their next target is iRan - and all efforts are being made to set the stage - for the massive change in architecture there, minus pipelines, but lots of pipe dreams. 

They would also reward the land of the puree's shining-boot-and-beret-cap-wallahs and ISI-certified folks, for services rendered towards quieting the Bahraini protestors, etc. The latter want to resume their misadventures in the eastern front - and the relevant quarters will choose to look the other way or react mutely at best.

Their ahimsa-loving neighbour better be extra vigilant and watchful; 'coz the laal-jhanda-wallahs too are more than willing to lend a helping hand to their environment conscious evergreen brethren.

(More later...)

Picture: Courtesy link.

Methinks ... this one is Mushy-Immy-gate! (Part-IV)

Author's note: You can read the 1st part here, the 2nd part here and the 3rd part here.

The 'land of the puree's' sovereignty or 'savarnity' (as they call it) has been violated. So horrible, no? Nope, flying and droning mosquitoes that resulted in 24 of their most precious creatures to meet their maker did not violate it. It was unfair though. How could those NATO-nic flying and droning mosquitoes do what they did without letting the valiant and vigilant PAF-fy know? And ... that too, so late in the night? Weren't those Nato-nic mosquitoes aware that the PAF-fy works 9-5? They have to worry about 'other' important matters of 'national importance' at all times and therefore they were busy 'ideating' late in the night, as usual. Haan?

It was the job of those vile NATO-nic mosquitoes to 'un-ideate' them; buckets of water and even smelling salt was handy. But that evil force 'failed' to do its job. So what can bechara PAF-fy and it's other brother forces do. It was not their responsibility and they did not fail in any way. So, no question of any resignation of anyone wearing uniform, much less the PAF-fy chief, and no heads would be rolling; though people say that this is because they have square heads. But then people say anything. Bloody civilians!

But let me not digress. Lets get back to who was responsible for this 'grave transgression' of their 'savarnity'. Questions are going to have to be asked and answered, and the culprits identified and punished.

Fortunately some ISI-certified fellas have one of the wicked fiends already in custody at Bahawalpur zoo; where he is being held under the tightest security possible and regularly interrogated (plus stared at) by a posse of security personnel and zookeepers who speak fluent monkey. No wonder Veena-ji Malik flaunted the ISI tattoo prominently (she even appeared au naturel, so that nothing else could distract from that said tattoo), and is now the tattoo's unofficial ambassador. Their strategic assets are in very safe hands, I tell you!

Nevertheless, so far 'Bobby' (as that captured fiend is now being called, since 'Henna' laid a massive turkey at the box-office) - has given little or nothing away, and is keeping mum about his true intentions w.r.t. what made him cross the border sans visa, sans permission, sans food - in fact sans anything, not even a tattoo. Apart from a very shifty look on his face, that is.

Bunches of plantains - both yellow and green - have failed to change his mind. He munches on them all right, but that is the only purpose he opens his mouth for.

The ISI-certified folks and the shining boot-wallahs are not prepared to take any risk though. They strongly feel that 'Bobby' may be just the first, part of the reconnaissance or recce team for what is in all probability a massive task force of Indian monkeys that are even now massing at the borders, stockpiling fruit to eat along the way, and bent on nothing short of total domination of the 'land of the puree'. You see they are not unaware of a certain 'Hindu' epic. Never mind that that 'Hindu' epic was written millenniums ago, much before true faiths from the land of sand, date palms and camels came marauding in.

But, you see, they cannot take any risk, only chance pe dance, especially since Hatim Tai Zardari and Ordinary Joe Ghee-lani have decided to confer the MFN (Most Favoured Nation) status to India. Bloody civilians!

It is crystal clear that 'Bobby' and his ilk will be making for their nuclear assets, and as a matter of utmost urgency they must invest gazillions of rupees in making sure that none of their nuclear installations is vulnerable to an invasion of dodgy-looking unwashed monkeys determined to get their unclean paws on pious weapons of mass destruction, and any spare fruit that may be lying around unclaimed.

Didn't the former gallant spymaster and Immy Khan's spiritual guru, Gen. Hamid Gul-badan state the same? And he should know. He has spent a lifetime dealing with plantain-chomping Bobby-s (and it is still a tie that binds).

Even the day is significant. 26th November. In 2008, when Hatim Tai Zardari talked about forging closer ties with India, there were attacks. And in 2011, when Hatim Tai Zardari and Ghee-lani decided to extend the MFN status to India, there were attacks. But they are totally unrelated, I tell you. Coincidentally co-incidental. That's all. Bolstered by the great Immy Khan and his spiritual guru's psychic powers. And whether Manzoor Ijaz-zat put on a Bong accent and imitating Pronob-babu made the most important threatening call of 2008 or not, we shall never know.

However, the monkey threat is real and ever present. Therefore the ISI-certified public service announcement is to be doubly-alert, to be ever-vigilant, to grow a colourful beard and to say Allah Hafiz instead of Khuda Hafiz. Since the former comes from the land of holy sand, tall date palm trees and pious camels, while the latter is bloody Houbara bustard Persian.

They have also asked everyone in the 'land of the puree' to rise up and look carefully around them. Is there anything that looks a bit different? Bit alien ... like equality, irrespective of caste, creed, faith and gender; or the freedom to pray or worship in whatever way an individual may wish? Or Indian TV serials and other vile Indian stuff? Somebody you thought was a decent enough chap but has well ... a few monkey-ish habits or eats more nuts and bananas than one might expect? Anybody like that close to where you live? Root them out! They are bad for the nation's 'ghairat' (honour). After all, the shining-boot-black-coat-colourful-beard-and-ISI-mark-wallahs and their cronies are the true custodians of the 'land of the puree's ghairat, since they are very 'ghairatmand' (honourable) themselves.

Naturally, the chief blackcoat-wallah will take sumo moto notice and constitute a larger bench for the hearing of the 'Bobby' case, apart from constituting a one-man investigation committee that will submit its findings and report with uncharacteristic speed and alacrity. All this while lakhs and lakhs of people languish in jails year after year waiting for a hearing; many among them having already served more time than they would have, if sentenced. Many are innocent too, implicated in false cases - out of vengeance and spite. But that is not for the chief blackcoat-wallah, his coatless fans and his blackcoat-wearing team to bother about; those lesser people will have to wait for their turn with the invisible man in the sky.

A full assessment of the monkey threat will be made in due course and the results published in Greek - even though it is now a bankrupt language. 'Talk shows' and 'discussions' would be held in right earnest and since it is a matter of their holy 'savarnity' and holier 'ghairat', respected experts, analysts, opinion holders and distributors - who are also clones of Zaid-a Hamid-a - will be invited to take part in them. Immy Khan will be a permanent fixture, of course. While Jemmy Khan would be writing op-ed pieces in foreign newspapers and magazines, since she was unable to hold a demonstration in London - protesting the heinous crime of those NATO-nic mosquitoes; 'coz, you see, they failed to drop ripe fruits on the Vanity Fairy office.

The PAF-fy and it's brother forces are keen to stop fighting their 'creations' on the western front, but do not want to stop their 'games' in Bheluchistan; they are also keen to re-open their mis-adventures in the eastern front. Their ahimsa-loving neighbour must remain extra alert and vigilant.

Why do they not want to close their swashbuckling Bheluchi front, you ask? 'Coz they are fond of the hearty Bheluchi cuisine! And it also provides a camouflage to their Houbara bustard hunting mentors - cowboys and holy sand included - to hunt for the two-legged and no-wings variety of the Houbara bustards (the ones that recently took out processions for ten days). This is the lynchpin to finally implement their grand designs on iRan; they want to change the architecture there, you see. And no pipelines. Therefore, 'memogate' has materialized out of thin air, even putting Houdini to shame, courtesy Manzoor Ijaz-zat and team. This is the 'gate' via which Immy Khan and Mushy can once again be installed you-know-where by you-know-who. All for a noble cause rather several noble causes, since Immy is also a non-profit philanthropist-cum-dry-cleaned politician with sudden skyrocketing fame and popularity. Wokey?

And it is precisely for the above reasons that the mantra of 'kruption' of specific politicians is being dutifully chanted.

So, who is working with whom? What do you think?

Parting shot: Smoke and mirrors galore!

(More later...)

Picture: Courtesy link.

Methinks ... this one is Mushy-Immy-gate! (Part-III)

Author's note: You can read the 1st part here and the 2nd part here.

Immy Khan we are told is fighting against corruption and has recently declared his assets.

This 'land of the puree' is so silly I tell you. Even though it was born out of a complicated C-section from India over sixty years ago, they have failed to imbibe or even learn any lessons. They are still stuck up on corruption rather corrupt politicians. The rest are as pure as the driven snow, especially the bureau-fat-cats, the holiest of holy cows that also wear shining boots, blackcoat-wallahs and bijiness-wallahs.

But while they are sweating and frothing at the mouths with 'kruption', we in India, have very prudently moved towards self sufficiency in food production and included the tasty 'bhrashtachar' - a delicious achar or pickle - as a part of our staple diet. It ensures good health too, thereby killing two birds with one stone. Unlike Immy Khan's plan of taking 'two wickets with one ball' - with the help of Mushy of course.

The two wickets stand for Mian Naraaz Sharif and Hatim Tai Zardari, while Immy is the bowler - and the ball is Mushy! You get it, right? What a great pair they make - Immy and Mushy; they rhyme too. But let me not digress.

Recently Veena-ji Malik caused a furore by 'declaring her assets'.

Umm, now that she has fulfilled the main criteria of joining Immy Khan's party, the Pakistani Tsunami by Immy (PTI), she should now promptly join it and be given a high post. Preferably co-chairperson.

I am pitching for the position of co-chairperson for Veena-ji Malik, since due to generation gap she may not have been able to 'declare her assets' as many times as the Chairperson - the great Immy Khan himself.

Btw ... though Immy Khan assures us that he has declared all his assets, he is yet to declare his black and 'White' ones. No puns. Sita Ram! Sita Ram!

He has also not told us where and to whom he has 'declared his assets' for the last four decades (at least). Including interests, dividends and bonuses, if any.

Meanwhile, Jemmy Khan has attested that Immy is not greedy unlike other politicians. Hmm. She had also attested Fatima Bhutto's ability and suitability to become the leader of Benazir Bhutto's party - in the not too distant past. She even turned journalist to further her cause.

Jemmy is now turning into a book-writer (!!) and her jemmy-of-a-book is supposed to hit the stands in late 2012 - this clearly proves that the Mayans were wrong.

It is not difficult to guess what it's contents would be; especially in light of the various books on Immy Khan that has appeared with unfailing regularity - in the last two-and-a-half years. She is also a crusader against corruption. Not sure how being the daughter of one of 20th century's most notorious corporate raider - Sir Jimmy Midas-touch Smith - she can even think of such a thing. It's more than blasphemy, I tell you. But then she does not believe in 'charity begins at home' but rather plumps for 'charity begins with home', and has apparently gifted Immy Khan at least one.

She is the fairy godmother to Julius Assange of Weakileaks fame, and he has promised to reveal the names of Swiss bank account holders - from India and Pakistan - in early 2012. After that apparently some "elites" in both the countries will have "no place to hide". This is a sure shot reaffirmation of his faith in the two-nation theory, no?

However, what Julius does not know is this: we Indians only believe in Swiss chocolates, cows, watches, Swiss knife and Roger Federer aka FedEx. We do not believe in Swiss banks and Weakileaks, only piggy banks and paableak. Ask Mamata-didi - if in doubt. Though I am (still) unable to get my head around the sudden media, FB and that little blue bird inspired Anna-hazard, followed by a sudden medical pilgrimage followed by FD-Eye in retail.

Btw, I am not sure if Jemmy too is a part of PTI ... since she has declared her assets to Hugh-ly Grant-ed among others, including Immy Khan of course; but it seems that Immy, Jemmy, the shining boot-wallahs and the blackcoat-wallahs have a common liking for certified Swiss chocolates.

Meanwhile, this Manzoor Ijaz-zat saga is becoming curiouser and curiouser. Apparently some 'P' has gotten the nod from some Arab states for toppling the Hatim Tai Zardari government in the 'land of the puree'.

Perhaps this mysterious 'P' has committed to issue as many licenses as possible for hunting the endangered Houbara bustards - with or without wings. In case you are wondering, let me tell you that some species of this Houbara bustard also walk on two legs and have been taking out processions for the last ten days. This is THE major criterion for getting the nod from those Arabian Dark Nights.

Umm, I am wondering who this 'P' could be. Not Pervez Bonaparte of the Kargil mis-adventure - I suppose?!

Wonder why he is talking about delivering himself as the New Year gift (Jan. 2012) to his countrymen? Are they unable to buy any themselves due to inflation and noise pollution? Apparently, he will also bring along Chengiz Khan - in the form of a soft toy, according to some soothsayers.

Hmm. Hmm.

But if he does return to once again "save" his country from "krupt" politicians, the Mayans will be proved right.

Meanwhile, Immy Khan's party is busy picking up 'electables' these days - an overwhelming majority of whom had been part of Mushy's disposition in some way or the other, and are essentially 'left-overs' from different parties. Is Immy Khan planning to set up a bio-gas plant next, along with another hospital - this time to treat food-poisoning cases exclusively?? All for a noble cause and in the name of non-profit philanthropy?!!

I advice the pious people from the 'land of the puree' to not bother about going for Hajj any more. It is too much of an effort. All they need to do is, circumambulate Immy Khan a few times - and be assured of eternal jannat; those keen to 'declare their assets', can do so without a worry too - 72 times.

Having said that, I must also add that his "game changer" of a party is increasingly looking like the forced reincarnation of the IJI (the Islami Jaamroodi Ittehad or the Islamic Demo-crazy Alliance) - that propped up Mian Naraaz Sharif in the late eighties against Benazir Bhutto and her party.

The then gallant army chief, Mirza As-salam Alaykum Beg, and the then super-gallant ISI-certified chief - Hamid Gul-badan (who also doubled and still moonlights as Immy Khan's spiritual guru), along with their cronies, fathered the Islami Jaamroodi Ittehad. There was no mother involved ... since all of them were pious people blessed by the Arabian Dark Nights. Yeh aandar ki baat hai!

These gentlemen went about distributing huge funds running into hundreds of millions - in those days; and this was and is still suspected to have come from the land of holy sand, notorious turbanator aka the big 'O' included. Strangely, this case is pending with their highest court for over two decades now, and while the incumbent highest blackcoat-wallah takes sumo moto notice left, right and center, he has somehow developed jaundice in his eyes when it came to this particular case. Apart from other cases pertaining to Mian Naraaz Sharif, Mian Chote Sharif of 'main nahi janta, main nahi manta' fame and other assorted holy cows, of course. For those, he has developed conjunctivitis as well.

He must visit a reputed eye specialist pronto, before he also develops bipolar vision and bypoll-ar vision (thanks to Immy and Mushy).

Meanwhile, Mian Naraaz Sharif and his party - the appropriately named Naraaz League - has approached Fatima Bhutto's (of a certain "must read" book fame) step-mother, Gheewali Bhutto, and the self-styled chieftain of the Bhutto clan Nawab Mumtaaza Bhutto who also fancies himself as "Dahesar" meaning "ten-headed" or "the one with ten heads". Frankly, this one reminds me of one of our 'epics'.

Incidentally, this Dahesar chap wrote an article titled, "Bahadur baap ki buzdil beti" (meaning: The coward daughter of a brave father) on the eve of Benazir's homecoming in 2007. Not to be left behind, fiery niece Fatima and her stepmother too made their respective 'contributions'. All of them are announcing to be mourning Benazir and claiming to be her legacy holders - for close to 4 years now (effective from the night of Dec. 27, 2007). Never mind that they accused Benazir of "stealing the Bhutto legacy" for many years prior to that, apart from regularly reminding everyone that she was "not a Bhutto" and should not be using that name, because she was in fact "Mrs. Zardari"! They seem to have suddenly realized that Benazir was very much a Bhutto - for close to 4 years now (again effective from the night of Dec. 27, 2007), and hence, are claiming to be the "real" Bhuttos too. Now Badey and Chotey Mian have joined that bandwagon. There is also talk of Immy Khan and "game changer II" - Shah Mehmood Ghaznavi - aligning with them as well; while their ("real" Bhutto's) close ties with Mushy and other forces (whose game they have been playing all along) is not unknown. Wah ji wah! Wah ji wah!! Wah ji wah wah wah!!!

Btw, Fatima of course blames her now-deceased aunt for her father, Murtaza's killing, and also pins sundry other charges on her aunt's now silent shoulders, but those who are aware of or at least are clued into the goings-on in the 'land of the puree' should be aware of Mian Naraaz Sharif's role in that saga.

Do read the following if you want to know:

1. Al-Zulfikar: The unsaid history

2. Dad who would be king

(More later...)

Picture: Courtesy link.

Methinks ... this one is Mushy-Immy-gate! (Part-II)

Author's note: You can read the 1st part here.

Then reports emerged: of hush-hush meetings in the dead of the night - to save precious daylight and keep the environment green, obviously. Gen. Pesha is said to have had several meetings with Mr. Immy Khan in the presence of the US(eful) Ambassador to Pak - Mr. Cameron Muncher.

Thereafter, Mr. Immy Khan thundered at a huge rally, of about 50k people (suspected to be facilitated by you-know-which "angels"), but made to be over 1 lakh people (according to starry-eyed and extremely generous estimates); but billed worldwide as equivalent to the 1986 homecoming-rally of Benazir Bhutto ... attended by millions. This "equivalent to Benazir Bhutto's homecoming-rally" has automatically "equaled" Mr. Immy Khan's "stature to that of Benazir Bhutto", according to several experts, analysts and media-wallahs, domestic and international, including the one possessing unimpeachable integrity, comrade Bariq Ali. And naturally, all this ... has undoubtedly underlined, sealed, and delivered Mr. Immy Khan's new-found "game changer" status.

Recently, another "game-changer" joined him - after losing his job to Birkin bagwati. But let's not digress.

Unknown to others, Immy Khan's new-found "stature" has also bestowed him with immense psychic powers; therefore he was able to "foresee" or "gain knowledge" about this 'secret memo' and the "brain" behind it, even before anyone, including the press-wallahs got wind of it; i.e. even before it was revealed to the press! But mind you, nothing more should be read into his subsequent act of talking loudly about the 'memo' (to Gen. Mike Melon), and even naming the "writer" of the 'memo' - Mr. Hussain Luckyani, at his "huge" rally, that turned him into "the game changer". The same psychic powers are responsible for his prior knowledge that "game changer II", the one elbowed out by Birkin bagwati, will join his party ... several days before the actual announcement. No daylight-saving involved here, only pure unadulterated psychic powers, wokey?

Though coincidentally coincidental, recently there was news of Mushy visiting the US(eful) Department of State and hiring an expensive lobbyist in the US of A; to liaison with various power brokers and king makers. Perhaps he was getting bored of lecturing and dispensing pearls of wisdom, and wants to smoke cigars and show his fist instead, and so, he once again wants to "save" his country.

Though the US(eful) Department of State denied the visit and called him a "private citizen", Mushy himself confirmed the bit about hiring a lobbyist.

Strangely, while Daring Thapar interviewed Immy Khan where he talked like the next PM of the 'land of the puree', Mushy was interviewed by Darling Dutt, herself of a certain "gate" fame. And here he indicated that he may return to his country earlier than 23rd march, 2012 - his stated timeline of return, to what else, but "save" his beloved nation from "corrupt" politicians. He now talks about delivering himself as the New Year gift to his countrymen, since they are unable to buy any themselves due to inflation and noise pollution; he will also bring along Chengiz Khan - in the form of a soft toy, according to some soothsayers.

Umm, Gen. Kayamat, Gen. Pesha and other domestic and international well wishers were instrumental in ensuring a "safe passage" along with a guard of honour for Mushy - and are seeing to his comforts and security too. They endorsed his views on: creating a mindset even before an investigation could begin, along with "authentic" tapes, sunroof-lever theory, disappearance of a certain dupatta, thorough cleansing of a certain vehicle, immediate hosing down of a certain site - that also washed away precious evidence, since "crows and vultures were circling overhead", uploading of dubious videos, plus much else. They have also seen to it that he remained untried.

So, they must have some "role" in mind for him still - they are yet to squeeze some more things out of him - willing and rootless that he is. It is easier to deal with someone like him than a popular leader and a popular party with deep roots among the people. But then, now the "popularity" bit is no problem at all - since Immy Khan with his "hugely attended rallies and popularity" (according to international polls) - will take care of that. After all, he now has a stature "equivalent to Benazir Bhutto"! So silly of me, how can I forget! [Note to self: I must stock up on Brainolia].

Btw, let me tell you, this "miracle" was not achieved in a day. No sir! It required a lot of "hard work". Books had to be written. Yes sir, books! Just as when the once "heroic and holy fighters" had to be given a complete makeover, books were the preferred way; including one penned by the author who shares one half of his name with our Bollywood shirtless thunder. There were/are others too: Bariq Ali, Hatrick Frenchman, Billy D, Decline Walsh, an aged turbanator, and a famous niece, among others; books, op-ed pieces, columns, articles, commentaries, media appearances, the works ... have been taken care of.

Let's step back a bit.

Two-and-half years ago, a biography of Immy Khan appeared. Nothing wrong with it's appearance; just that, wonder how many people would have been keen to read a book on Immy Khan of all people. Nevertheless, it claimed of a "roaring affair" between Immy Khan and Benazir Bhutto during their student days at Oxford University. Even of a "close sexual relationship" for two months at least, and a supposed attempt by his mother to "arrange a marriage" between them - all this without a shred of evidence! Strangely, it was these very pieces that made it to every media and communication outlet all over the world.

Predictably, it fell flat - being the heights or lows (whichever you may call it) of purple journalism, with folks dismissing it as a cheap marketing ploy to market the new biography of Immy Khan.

Jemmy Khan would have been devastated though. Had the people, I mean readers and viewers fell for it, she would have played the "martyr" to the hilt, glycerin and all; not unlike her once-best-friend, a now deceased princess. Then she might have been dubbed as the "new princess you-know-who", a la how the now-famous niece is being touted as "the new Daughter of the East".

A few months ago, another biography appeared, this time penned by an Indian author who writes under a phoren-sounding pseudonym. In that, Immy Khan "denied" rather "pooh poohed" suggestions of any "affair with Benazir". Again without a shred of evidence! Never mind who made that "suggestion" in the first place, but this bit too made it everywhere, around the world, yet again!! Nobody believes it, but purpose is served, na? Public-city tau baj gai!

These were followed recently by Immy Khan's own official biography dubbed as a "personal history"; one that suspiciously appears to be a much-laboured or contrived effort to somehow resemble, echo or be on the same lines as that of Benazir Bhutto's last book, titled: "Reconciliation".

And: since a documentary on the late PM's life took a bow at the prestigious Sundance Film Festival in 2010, and has since won some awards; can craggy winter be far behind? And sure enough, a film on Immy Khan's life titled "Kaptaan(i)" is now under production. 'It explores the experiences of a man who dedicates his life to his country while also struggling with personal and spiritual anguish.'

Hmm.

Immy Khan himself was of course reluctant at first and claimed that it was more important to focus on other aspects of the country, but the filmmaker's persistence finally paid off in ultimately convincing him, just like those biographers' enthusiasm had paid off earlier, wokey? Don't read too much into it.

All this while a now famous niece was/is busy buzzing all over the globe, wherever it matters that is, with her "must read" book.

And then ... along came the 'secret memo'.

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

She is quite a prolific parroter, err... author. The famous niece, I tell you. Her next book is regarding a city that is solely responsible for British Telecom's profits in this part of the world. Anyone who is clued into the goings-on in the 'land of the puree' should be aware of/be able to guess the stuff that would be resting within it's pages. And it would undoubtedly go on to become yet another "must read" book, no prizes for guessing.

Incidentally, the folks whose talk time ensures British Telecom's profits are close to Mushy, having been infused with life (after being in danger of rigor mortis earlier), during his moderately-enlightening reign, apart from community feeling, of course. Umm, w.r.t the 'memo', a joint venture or a partial gurudakshina cannot be ruled out. Also Mushy wants to land in British Telecom-land - when he arrives back to "save" the nation from "krupt politicians". And since the folks responsible for BT's profits ensure large gatherings periodically, where even crows and pigeons do not dare to "white wash", Mushy can assure himself of a grand reception minus any fireworks. Plus, Immy and BT talk-time-wallahs seem to be quite pally these days. So a multi-venture cannot be ruled out too.

Who are the puppeteers and who the puppets, it is not difficult to decipher. And once you connect the dots you will know who are working together for which common goal, which are the scriptwriters and who the choreographers of this magnum opus con. Frankly, now that that well-known-yet-trying-hard-to-be-latent pie-in-the-sky Ponzi scheme that walks on two legs, and goes by the name of Immy Khan has been trotted out, err... floated, it is not rocket science to figure out what that magnum opus con is all about. I rest my case.

Btw, this Mushy-Immy team works perfectly. Mushy has the "expertise and experience" while Immy brings on the "popularity". Plus Mushy at 68 and Immy at 59 - not much of a generation gap there, but it is a nice insurance against any "natural calamities". What?

Note: It is being stated that Immy Khan has finally "arrived" after 16 years of "struggle" and being in the wilderness, since he did not "inherit a legacy like Benazir did". But why was he on every media outlet parroting his pearls of wisdom against a certain personality in 1996 and 2007, then? Why were his words and views (along with a certain fiery niece's) given so much importance (by analysts, think tanks, press and media; domestic and international) and touted all over, if he was someone in the wilderness then and has "arrived" only now? Good questions, no answer.

He made his due appearance in the "title role" during some events in 1999 and 2002. He is "active" at other times too, but usually in side roles: cameos and guest appearances. "Title roles" have been four in the past 16 years: 1996, 1999, 2002, 2007 and currently as well, so that makes it five; or four-and-a-half, if you may. But what was the plan and what was achieved during those previous four starring-roles ... a closer look can easily decipher.

Come to think of it, his casting in the "title role" of a "saviour" has happened twice before (in 1996 and 2007), apart from the current one, that is. Take a closer look and you'll know what his "role" required him to do then, what he did, and what was the outcome.

Btw, in his 1996 "title role" - he blamed someone for using mineral water for everything, while her husband fed his 40 horses with jam, jelly, marmalade, ice cream and milk shake; this while the poor people went to sleep empty stomach.

I kid you not!

My only regret is that: in all my life I am yet to see even a single horse that eats: jam, jelly, marmalade, ice cream and milk shake. But let's not digress.

The media - domestic and international, immediately caught on and feverishly relayed those "gems", and in the process also turned Immy Khan into an "Oxford-educated, legendary, handsome and dashing Pathan Prince". While the BeeBeeC ran a program titled: "The Princess and the Playboy", directed at you-know-who.

So, while Immy Khan was a charismatic, charming lady-killer, a successful man-about-town, on whom women threw themselves and who made them swoon; the husband who apparently had 40 horses feeding on jam, jelly, marmalade, ice cream and milk shake was a "playboy" and "so-and-so's 'horse-mad' husband", without a shred of evidence, yet again.

In 2002, when Mushy held yet another one of the 'land of the puree's' "free and fair elections", Immy Khan was allowed to participate, since he held a third-class degree from Oxford University. While a certain lady who apparently used mineral water for everything and thus 'increased the gulf between the rich and the poor' was barred and declared a non-graduate, 'coz she possessed a first-class degree from the same university! The domestic and international media, etc was quick to dub her as a "non-graduate" too.

I kid you not!!

No wonder, the state of education in that sorry mess of a country is sooo brilliant. They think that a first-class degree being only "1" is lesser than a third-class degree, since it is greater than "1". More precisely: since it is "1" then "2" and only then "3", therefore, undoubtedly 3 is greater than 1 !!!

And oh, before I forget (since I have run out of Brainolia) - Mr. Immy Khan does not believe in Darwin's theory of evolution; 'coz he thinks that the one and only Almighty - the one he shares a steady hot-line with - created two types of humans. One was 'Insaan' and the other 'Pathan'!

I kid you not!!!


(More later…)

Picture: Courtesy link.

Methinks ... this one is Mushy-Immy-gate! (Part-I)

These are interesting times indeed ... and a time for building 'gates'.

Let me clarify before you ask; that Bill Gates has absolutely nothing to do with these.

So, while India has successfully come up with several engineering marvels like: Chara-gate, CWG-gate, 2G-gate, IPL-gate, Radia-gate, Barkha-gate, Sanghvi-gate, and the like; our estranged western neighbour has now come up with a stinking gate - "Memogate"; styled after the original "Watergate", that nixed President Nixon.

What is this Memogate, you ask? Well, it is apparently a "memo" - the news of which a smarmy businessman-cum-lobbyist of Pak origin, a citizen of America and living in the US of A, has circulated via the foreign press (especially the "Financially Yours Times") and media, that in May 2011, the (now former) Pak Ambassador to US - the foxy Hussain Luckyani - had apparently sent to the President of the US of A - the great and nobel B.rack-ed Obma - on behalf of the Pak President - the smiling Hatim Tai Zardari, via Admiral Mike Melon - the now retired Joint Chiefs of staff (US), who was then very much in action; via an intermediary, the former US National Security Adviser - James 'Bond' Bones, through the smarmy businessman of Pak origin, Mansoor Ijaz-zat.

Phew!

Bhool Bhulaiya of a different kind, right? But this one is/was not 'made in Bollywood'; so read on.

According to the swarmy businessman-cum-lobbyist, a paranoid Zardari - "too scared" after the big "O" was "taken out" unilaterally, by US Navy seals, in the 'land of the puree' - "feared a military coup and wanted a US hand on Gen. A. Parvez Kayamat's desk."

Zardari apparently even agreed to come up with a "new security team" that would co-operate more closely with the US led 'war on terrier' on Pak soil and was also "ready to hand over 26/11 culprits to India."

Hmm.

That the holiest of holy cows in the 'land of the puree' - the ones that wear shining boots - were the ones under tremendous pressure from the public after the big "O" episode, so much so that even rickshaws there displayed slogans like, "Horn aista bajaye, army so rahey hain"; was conveniently side-stepped. [Note: Horn aista bajaye, army so rahey hain, translated: Please blow the horn softly, the army is asleep.]

Now, why the big "O" was not made a spectacle of - a la Sad-dam-ed Hussein and Muahmuah Gaddafi - and his 'body' dumped into the waters of the A. Sea instead, is a trillion dollar question.

We were shown the picture of a corpse of course (along with much chest-thumping), but whether it was a dated one or that of a 'frozen' body, we cannot be sure.

We later saw the pictures of a smiling Obma, showing all his pearly-whites, on-board the ship or submarine or aircraft or whatever those said Navy seals supposedly traveled in to "take out" the big "O".

But before I proceed, I would like you to read this and this.

The latter clearly states that: "There has been little out of Washington DC since the "world domination" cabal, PNAC (Project for a New American Century) or the Brzezinski "World Chessboard" counterparts outlined the need for a "Pearl Harbour scale" event with a "cardboard cutout" boogeyman to act as backdrop for re-engineering the face of the planet. After the "event," we would see the seizure of Central Asia's hydrocarbon resources, the collapse of the world's monetary systems and a political upheaval to spread across the world that would leave every political institution in every country vulnerable to the dictates of an unseen "globalist" hand.

Is there any surprise that the "reported" killing of the big "O" has not been accepted in the United States as more than "ho hum" news?"

... And what do we see around us?

A while back, another person had stated that the real powers in the cowboy country want to "take out" seven M. nations: Iraq, Egypt, Libya, Lebanon (or is it Yemen [?]; pardon me, I forget), Syria, Iran and Pakistan. Jingoistic cowboy media predictably promptly drummed out his voice; but what do we see around us?

Some have already been "taken", and the recent surge in rhetoric over Iran's nuclear ambitions combined with a concerted effort to dislodge the Assad regime in Syria, give us hummus for thought. Strangely, even the Russian strongman, Putin, was recently roundly jeered during a sporting event that he was attending - in Russia! And there are routine talks of a "Jasmine revolution" engulfing China with it's "fragrance" - sooner rather than later.

We in India should and must be concerned. If there is trouble in our neighbourhood, if our neighbourhood is burning, we too cannot escape the heat first and then the fire.

For years we were shown long-distance shots of a man sitting on a rocky dry terrain; or the back of a man draped in heavy shawls or blankets, apart from cassettes that seemed to appear at periodic intervals, of course. We were told that the man was the big "O" and that those cassettes were from him - by you-know-who.

That brings me to an interview given by the assassinated Benazir Bhutto to Sir Daveed Frosty on "Frosty over the World" in Nov. 2007. There she had categorically stated that she knew for a certainty that the big "O" had already been "taken out", and that she knew the identity of the person who had done the job.

This was thunderclap, wasn't it? But Sir Daveed Frosty did not miss a beat and quickly moved on to other "more interesting" topics. Recently, when the BeeBeeC aired the said interview, it was minus the "offending" bit - that part had been neatly edited out!

Let's get back to the 'memo' then.

Now, Mike Melon, the good gent that he is, denied the existence of such a 'memo' and stated that he had no recollection of ever receiving it.

The Pak Presidency as well as the (now former) Pak Ambassador to the US too denied having anything to do with the offending 'memo'.

This prompted Mr. Ijaz-zat to quote a classic dialogue of the big-screen character of Gordon Gekko - the main antagonist of the 1987-film, "Wall Street" and the antihero of the 2010 "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps": "If you stop telling lies about me, I might just stop telling the truth about you".

Thereafter, Mike Melon through a spokesman "clarified" and owned up to the existence of such a 'memo'. Apparently, he went back and searched through piles of files and reams of paper ... and found a copy. We were also helpfully told that earlier - on receiving it that is, he had dismissed it as not credible and took no action.

Wow!

The 'masala' or 'formula' has an unmistakable smell rather flavour on them. This one got to be a joint production of 'Hollywood' and 'Lollywood' - also the name that the film industry in the 'land of the puree' goes by. But those who are discerning and can read between the lines will know what I mean.

Now, why would Zardari of all people even dream of sending such a boomerang-style memo to Mike Melon - who is a "close buddy" of Gen. Kayamat and his friends, past and present, and who was also instrumental in getting the thorough professional and a soldiers soldier - the chain smoking Gen. Kayamat himself, a three-year extension (beginning Oct-Nov 2010) - thus ensuring that the next election would be held under him and not the sitting President?

Plus, it is a common knowledge-cum-open secret that the pure and green generals in the 'land of the puree' and their cronies only act after a green signal from you-know-where.

And why send such an aa-bail-mujhe-maar-worded 'memo'? That too through the discredited Mansoor Ijaz-zat, who had claimed prior to the iRaq War ... about the existence of weapons of mass destruction (WMDs) in the then Sad-dam-ed iRaq, and also talked about ties between Sad-dam-ed Hussein and Ally Q - that had led the-you-know-which forces to invade that hapless oil-rich nation!

Mr. Ijaz-zat commented on the big "O" and New-clear Proliferation; articulated opinions in support of the Am-Bush-ed White House (that considered Mushy to be a "tight buddy"), and neo-conservative foreign policy. He was a Fox(ed you) News Analyst and played a popular role on (Es)Special Report; he was the most popular guest on the show and appeared on Fox(ed you) on more than 100 occasions.

Now, media mogul Rupee Murdoch owns Fox(ed you), one of the pioneers of unethical and illegal news-gathering practices, as demonstrated by the recent phone hacking scandal. It has been also found that private data of Hateem Tai had also been targeted by some private investigators hired by 'The Sunday Times', a newspaper owned by Rupee Murdoch.

Apparently, the ISI-certified chief, Gen. Pesha - who too is on an extended extension, courtesy you-know-who - had flown halfway around the world to hold a secret meeting with Mansoor Ijaz-zat, without the knowledge of the supreme commander of Pakistan's armed forces (President Zardari himself).

Gen. Pesha "authenticated" the evidence produced by Mr. Ijaz-zat; 'coz the former had apparently carried a forensic lab in his hip-pocket and was thus able to "forensically test" Mr. Ijaz-zat's blackberry ... or blueberry, whatever it maybe; but grapes it was definitely not. Actually, Gen. Pesha was only testing/conducting his pesha on you-know-who.

In India, we are well aware of the state of our investigative agencies, and know fully well the outcome, if they were to ever behave (or test or try to conduct their pesha) in this manner. They are not ISI-certified but more into Quality Control via ISO, copyright, trademark and Agmark certification. But then India is a different country, and thank god for that!

And by now, we also know of: Vajpayee's 'bitter lesson' on Kashmir with Mansoor Ijaz-zat.

Hmm. Hmm.
 
(More later...)

Picture: Courtesy link. Suits, no?